I still remember that day we met in December
The 19th
I was 16 but held your hand and felt an ember
Talking bout the boy she just dumped that tried to ******* end her
We moved pretty fast but that's how we felt about eachother
Insecurities I always thought you had another
always texted eachother
When we weren't together, or she was hiding from her brother
All the things you want to hear and all the little lies
Yeah you're the biggest no, yeah I cut ties (with a hitman)
I felt a feeling that I never felt, I was yours, you were mine
But when you took my virginity
I fell so hard in love I didn't think I could recover
Sneaking in and out the window
Sleeping with eachother
And when my mom came in the room you'd hide under the covers
But you couldn't handle life and brought it all to me
**** we made a suicide pact for something like 23
And in that parking lot when you told me your plans
I thought it was either leave or have my lovers blood on my hands
But I went along with it, I got completely hooked
And from that point on my brain was cooked
I hated life too the feelings all my life that I couldn't put a name to
The reasons why I bring my family shame too
When the time came I foolishly thought we were past it
Brought some friends to your party
brought some drugs wrapped up in the plastic
It was okay for a while til she started going manic
Dressed like a loli I wasn't pleased but she
started going frantic
Locked the doors and slit her wrists
Frankly it was traumatizing not to mention dramatic.
Broke the door down (multiple times)
and had to clear the house (30 people getting ****** up)
They vandalized your windows and your cupboards while you were out and my momma came to save us bless her soul and bless her heart
Brought you home and loved you, you were my little mouse
And bandaged up your wrists and had you stay over at my house
Slept together held your hands everything was wonderful then you finally came to
And for a minute again everything was colorful
from head to toe about you.
We dropped you back off and cleaned out some of the mess
Til we decided you should shower and get properly dressed
Cuddled together for a little while with our bodies pressed
I could tell something was wrong you wouldn't even give a smile
That's when you said you never loved me
I was in total denial
She got my **** and kicked me out and said I was fun for my purpose
**** denial my brain was just going through a circus
Got my **** and threw it by the door
I said I wanted one last kiss before...
I sat and thought for a minute
Called me friend bless him too
There was something wrong we agree we just knew
Knocking on every window and calling every number
Until I called the cops to save your ***
Before I heard the thunder
Broke down the door I'm still sorry about that
And found you bleeding in a tub with pills neatly on a mat
Cops questioning me how things could have possibly gotten so bad
You wouldn't let me visit for a few days in the hospital
That was fine, I needed just a minute to collect my thoughts and my mind
Everyone was saying JUST END IT dont give in it's a decline
I knew it's true but teenage love had me in a bind
And that was just the beginning, we made up with lots of crying
And a promise I'm that hospital bed to be together til the end of time
That was when you introduced me to drugs and drinking fine
I'm my own man I should have taken responsibility instead of fixating on dyjng
But now I could only talk after a line or two of m to stop the crying
It took a little time and a couch to work up to it
By then we could blow an 8 ball and still be far from done with it
I was turning 17 when you were turning 21
God I'm such an idiot the things I could have done
Argue all the time, end up ******* while we're crying
Every day the thought is there a fixationon dying
I had my own attempts but sadly every time I turned out fine
I'm not a total idiot I could see the signs
But when I went to get your tattoos with you
I thought we're fine
I hope that you remember me every single time
Thought we found the perfect one running through the grass
Until we ended in the reeds and landing on our ***
And as the grass grew there was less
frolicking
Everything changed to sheltered bottling
Then we spent a couple.. few months in the bedroom
Locked away drinking all our goals friends away
And my psych asks me how I turned out this way
I guess the tables turned on me I turned 18 and she grew up and didn't really want to be with me since because I wasn't the man that she envisioned when she got with me (years ago)
I begged and pleaded played ***** cheated
Proved my love
worked a while
Until your heart finally receded
And when you finally broke my heart and came to get your stuff
You said I looked like a pirate and right there I should have given it up
But the anger and the sadness gave me a reason for the madness
An excuse to numb the pain and give in to some helpful crashes
That's right there's new rules it's cool if it's helping you to get through
I'm not blaming you I still love you despite my last drunken fissures
I wish I could see your face and talk not just Flober facebook pictures
Outside that McDonald's years later
you waited for my break
I was so scared that I was still shaking from from the heartbreak
Played it off as anger but I wish kissed your **** face
I know we'll probably never talk again and that's okay.
Everyone has hated me for drunken things I say
But I'm glad I saved your life even if you won't talk to me
Because that shaped me entire personality
I might continue this. The relationship went on much longer and got more toxic