I see things differently
That's OK
I can offened with my words
This I don't like
So I started again
Rewind freeze frame
Looked at myself
God that was hard
Sometimes my words breake down
They decay .
My mouth walks before my brain
This is why I write
This is where I can explain
I see things differently.
I'm OK.  
Every human never stops learning
Good or bad
Good for me.
I'm still growing learning everyday
Now I can play with my thoughts
Daydream all day
Fly away with the fairy's
That flood my brain.
Not quite like that
You no what i mean
I can try
Explain
I'm feeling good today
To be honest it's nearly good  
Everyday.
I see some things differently
That's OK.

I'm growing into a person whose handles her
decay.
I'm not displaying
Every ****** day
I'm growing
I'm learning
I'm listening
I'm interested it what you have to say
Be nice
Be kind
Help someone today.
As tomorrow you could be the person
Who just sees  decay.

I feel poisoned bye my own thoughts
I've ****** all the light all the soul out of the me, excused myself, set free
I don't care to see
I've been dried out and used and abused some I liked, some I fight
No fight left no light to see
I'm just left empty
I don't want to see
To talk small talk
To talk at all
So bored of people
So bored of me.
I'm just empty
Weaker
Abother version of me.

I have a name is that me
I have brown hair is that me
I Excist in a space
Is that me
I talk I walk I work
I pretend
I act like I no me
Is that me
I show people a certain me
Is that me
Do I hide
Am I here
What is you what am I
What's my favorite colour
Do I matter
Dose anything matter
We all need to see

Whats me?

It don't matter what I do
It don't matter what u say
Who I am
Where I've been
It means nothing
We all come to a end

I see clearly now
I am just a beat
Just a name
A number
I feel free
Don't expect anything from me

I am no one
I am nothingness
I'm not lost
The world is
It all comes to the end

Memory's
Life
My name
I'm Natasha mckay
But
we all energy
That will rejoin
Energy

The end
I'm not scared
I'm not dead
I'm just seeing
Like a new born child
I mean nothing

I am nothing.

But energy.

I see everything.

I wish I was the light that shines through the trees
I wish I was the cool winter breeze
I wish I was the strength of the thundering seas
I wish I could see me
Like
Me
I wish I  was the butterfly
flying free
Happily
I wish I was as strong as the big oak Tree
I wish I was my mum
But I'm not
I'm ****** me

Rip my chains off
set me free
Let me be the big strong tree
Or be this tiny seed
So weak

Let me be the light through the dark trees
The latern to help me see
To help other see
How to be free.

Free of thoughts
Free

I'll hold a light for you forever
I'll lock this up
Hide it forever
But I will weep
As you have never been mine to keep
Even when we have dined and laugh at life with each other
I see behind
That smile
I'm not yours
Your not mine
Even when we have made love
Our bodys intertwine
and we both have weeped
As time stood still
In that loving moment
I still wish you the very best
And that all the world see the great hairs on your chest
Giggle
That I love so much
Yet you hate so dearly
I still will hold a light in the dark for you
I still walk in the park thinking of you
I still miss you
Should I have stayed and thought it
Thorough
Should I change just for you
No
No one should change if love is true
Time to let go
Time
Time in where another love is lost
It's time
I will wish you love
I will wish you hope
I will hold a light for you forever
I say goodbye
I let go
Time

Forever x

Natasha ***

I have a nephew who's full of life
Makes me happy in this **** life .
He is the rising sun
Breaking light on every one
Helping me smile
Helping me be free
Colors just burst for he
He can not talk
He is special needs
But in his silence
I no his needs
He also smart
He understands me
He make me laugh
He so full of glee
So happy
So insightful
So misunderstood
He walks in a room
A bomb of energy
Oh dear sweet boy
I do love thee
Thankyou for trusting me
Thankyou for showing me
How to be free
You are the fastest river I ever see run
The strongest boy
So full of joy
Heart so pure
Colours dance around you when you sleep
He is the kindest wee boy you will ever meet x

I was just wondering if alot of your life is pain
bad things happen again and again how am I to explain how to be happy in lots of pain.
Do you belive we can be happy in so much pain ?
When it happens again and again do I attract the same is this my shame?
Is this my cross to bear my blame my pain.
         I just want to be happy again x
I don't want to be stained in pain just remain the shame I want to change **
   Get rid of my pain x
Not relive it again and again
    How do I become happy  
How do I face my pain
Become my change
I just want to be happy .
To not put the blame on pain
To fight my strains
Become my pain
Maybe then I can change x

It was night as I woke to a choking to my throat
To a squeezing to my ribs
Binding my body
Binding my feet
Restricted
Can not move
Struggle for air
A being hanging
With a stare
It did not care
I take a mouth full of air
I'm scared
Then it jumps to attack
I'm fighting on my back
An evil is apon me
I fight for my soul
The darkness to take me
It crushing the air out of me
I prey
I prey
Please leed me to light
As I fight this dark night.
I wake with a scream
A nightmare
A bad dream.

I've hit a wall
200 hundred miles per hour
Smash
Thrash
Car fu##ing crash
I've hit a wall
It's so ******* tall
On and on it towers over me
Smash
Crash
This wall makes me feel so small
It's so tall
I'm so small
I hate my fu##ing walls x

My subconscious is stuck on you
My thoughts hate you
My heart still feels you
My eyes still see you
My voice still speaks you
My sleep still dreams of you
My feeling miss you
My pain is still you
I miss you .

Deep in the woods of summer gleam
Where fairy's float
And daffodils smoke
Mushrooms of purple polkadot green
I'm there singing on the breeze
I'm there flowing on the streams
I'm there always in your dreams
Please don't forget me

Deep in the woods of trees dark green
Where fairy's float And boats afloat on the streams I'm there always in your dreams  on the streams
Please don't forget me

Deep in the woods where flowers flirt
Where the wee men are hard and work
Trees all talking hearing your words
As they all whisper
Please don't forget me.
I promise you dad I forgive thee
I've told the trees and they can tell thee x

I promise you we all forgive thee x

I think I was born sad.

What happens too the dead that die sad ? do they stay around going mad ?
Do they stay around glad too see there loved ones around? Do they try too contact us for being so bad? for back in the ground they should go or up too heaven looking down to say hello, but no. The sad die lonely all alone for the feelings and things they left unsaid .
I think they become the undead .

Our footprints stays in the no
Our footprint stays in the snow
Our footprints stay on the earth
Our footprint is individually defined
Individual is our footprint.
Remember where you tread
Don't be mislead
Don't stand on no one's toes
Our footprint stays on the earth
Our footprint then in the past
Our footprint x

Why is it you twist the truth
You done this game in your youth
Where did that get you
Not the truth
You only hurt you with your lies
It's you the people despise
Don't you ****** recognise
Drop your deguise
Reconise
Stop yourself in time
Stop playing the same old record
Stop playing the same old games
Become a new flame
A new day
Be kind
Be simple
Be mine.

Listen too you don't listen too me
For i am already free as can be
Your angry at you not me
You hide behind a fake name
Your true name holds no shame
Or no fame
Don't pass the blame on someone else
Look at yourself
Don't judge me
Judge yourself
You have no right too pass the blame
Use that flame your fire within
Too start too heal
Start to begin
If unhappy
Not yet free
Look at yourself
Not me.

Oh my boyfriend of mine
He started to pine
Gosh he did wine
I forgot too send him a valentine ,
And now he will not be forever mine
Now I'm in trouble I have ordered a double
I got myself in this mess
Oh look
That man looks so fresh
That's put and end to me feeling depressed,
Got a hotel room we got undressed
Now I'll let your imagination
Tell the rest.
Happy valentines
Mine was the best x

The rose is red
Passionate
Inviting you too smell his colour
Drawing you in
His petals like silky sheets
On your skin
Delicate thin
He makes you hot and steamy deep within x