She decided to cut all those things that made her sad.
That boy with the beautiful face who made her happy.
She said goodbye to him.

That friend with the amazing smile who made her happy.
She said goodbye to her.

That person who she taught can love her as she is.
She deleted his number.

That woman who was always asking for her.
She unfriend her on Facebook.

She started to hate the ties.
Forced not be be herself.

She found the courage to cut the leash
Now she's lonely, but breaths better again.

I knew about you
because of the news

You were 2-yrs old
It was a happy day
Was supposed to be
A wonderful Disney trip

I couldn't stop thinking
I just couldn't

I felt so bad
I felt so much pain

Your body grabbed
by an animal
Your parents crying
the World praying

Why?
Why God?
I know I shouldn't ask you

The World is still praying
for the parents who lost a child

I'm trying to accept this lost

I didn't know you

But it bothers me

You were 2-yrs old.

I AM
Not trying
I AM
Living

I AM
Not forgetting
I AM
learning

And all of the sudden I'm happy
I don't wish to disappear anymore
Some thoughts still follow me
it feels like an ugly dress I wore
The air used to feel so heavy
almost feeling lost in a corridor

And all of the sudden I'm jumping
bringing fresh air to my lungs
Indeed closing wounds each week
even those of when I was young

And all of the sudden I'm singing
praise and joy for the Lord
I stopped those thoughts of sickness
I'm not in the mood to be bored
Life is too short not to live it
So I decided to go out and explore

And all of the sudden I'm loving...
loving myself and the ones around me
Not only expecting, but giving...
giving myself encouraging words
accepting what I can do and don't

I'll keep writing this story
sometimes lines will come out sad
some others won't
But today I'm living the hour
Being happy
Keep on jumping
Always singing
Endless loving.

¿Has llegado a sentir la necesidad
de regresar en el tiempo?
¿De haberte callado la boca?
¿De haber detenido tus dedos
sobre el teclado?
En la era donde se escribe
antes que hablar
antes de pensar
antes de analizar…
Quisiera poder regresar el tiempo
Haberme callado la boca
Haber detenido mis dedos
sobre el teclado.
El corazón no piensa
… pero las vísceras sí
El cerebro se hace esclavo
de corajes y ansiedades.
Un día después de la tormenta
se regresa al punto cero
y aunque no se regresa el tiempo
espero mañana
… ante una nueva prueba
Callar mi boca
Y detener mis dedos sobre el teclado.

no
no quiero este dolor
se lo regalo a quien lo quiera

no
la vida deja de ser bella
me quiebra tu partida

recién hablé contigo
tu voz era apagada
pero hablaste de fe y esperanza

no
no acepto esto
mi mente lo rechaza

recuerdos
es necesario rezar
pero siento ansiedad

como lo haré?
no volveré a verte
escucharte hablar

no
parece un mal sueno
perdí a mi hermano

obituario con tu nombre
es imposible no llorar
- aunque lo intente

te amo, amigo...
te abrazo desde aquí

----
*A mi mejor amigo, David Ríos Arias, quien falleciera la manana del jueves 7 de abril del 2016. El cáncer gano la batalla)

I wish I knew.
I remember when the doctor told me you were inside of me.
It's the same second I started loving you.
It's the moment when I felt a new kind of love.

But,
I wish I knew.
I am still not prepare to see you feeling ill.
My heart pounds so fast and my brain can't think.

I wish I knew.
That I would miss your mess all around the house.
That I would love to hear your voice asking me to play.
That I would regret those times when I said "Please, just wait."

I wish I knew.
Because it doesn't matter if I am well or sick.
I wish it was always me, and not you.

It is true, God gave me the opportunity to be your Mom,
And with it the willingness to give my life for you.

I wish I knew.
Not because I would love you different,
but I think I might suffer less.
Still, if my pain makes you feel better
then, I am ready. Even thought I didn't know.