I gave my innocence to a boy who told me he loved me after only two dates.
The boy I loved at 13 still sends chills down my spine and although I'll always love him, I'm no longer in love with him.
I spent a year in love with a boy who used to call me every night and then I was left haunted by his echo and the dead silence of the phone.
I dated a boy who took me up a mountain to feel alive but secretly wished he could swallow a bottle of pills.
As you can see I was quite used to the idea of handsome strangers loving the idea of my poetically charming words and sincere sense of loving.  I was used to being compared to paintings and angels. I was used to being courted and cuddled, and also used to being told I was shallow and shrill.
I was used to not being good enough or way too demanding.
Although I know now I am nothing but the most beautiful parts of a poem.
The pauses at the ends of sweet words, and the carefully crafted  run on's you dare not speak. I am the beautiful beginning and the tragic story never told. I am the girl with the Mona Lisa smile and the heart of doves.
I've been told a mosaic of beauty is something only a statue can possess. I've read that love is not to be whispered and pain is not beautiful.
I've spent countless years trying to discover the constellations for the right kind of love affair.
I've whispered secrets to strangers I don't want repeated. I've loved boys with brass hearts and devilish desires. I've walked through my own museum of love and made notes along the way. I've shared stories of every beautifully brilliant boy I have ever crossed paths with, I just hope that someday they learn to appreciate what it's like to walk through a museum of harsh truths, pitiful pain, and I hope they look back and remember me for all the good things I was, and the way they're eyes used to light up when they'd look at me, god I miss that look. I hope they remember the storms and the sunshine, and the new beginnings of my fall, I hope they remember the Christmas lights when the planets are aligned at exactly midnight and wished they had loved me more

(v.m)

I cut the middle fingernail of the middle
finger
right hand
real short
and I began rubbing along her ****
as she sat upright in bed
spreading lotion over her arms
face
and *******
after bathing.
then she lit a cigarette:
"don't let this put you off,"
an smoked and continued to rub
the lotion on.
I continued to rub the ****.
"You want an apple?" I asked.
"sure, she said, "you got one?"
but I got to her-
she began to twist
then she rolled on her side,
she was getting wet and open
like a flower in the rain.
then she rolled on her stomach
and her most beautiful ***
looked up at me
and I reached under and got the
**** again.
she reached around and got my
****, she rolled and twisted,
I mounted
my face falling into the mass
of red hair that overflowed
from her head
and my flattened **** entered
into the miracle.
later we joked about the lotion
and the cigarette and the apple.
then I went out and got some chicken
and shrimp and french fries and buns
and mashed potatoes and gravy and
cole slaw,and we ate.she told me
how good she felt and I told her
how good I felt and we
ate the chicken and the shrimp and the
french fries and the buns and the
mashed potatoes and the gravy and
the cole slaw too.