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I studied Buddhism
At a temple downtown
I was still young, naive
And trying to explore the world
And thought maybe here, in the temple
There would be only enlightenment
My assigned teacher was born and raised
In Japan
He flat out told me that if things
Had gone differently in the war
That many American generals
Would have been hung for war crimes
I realized this was his passive aggressive way
Of letting me know that I was not welcome
I left the temple never to return

As I made my way across downtown
A ragged young girl stopped me
She asked me if I had any change
To give her. I told her I had none
She screamed at me with such hostility
“Punch me in the face!” She bellowed
“For five bucks you can punch me in the face!”
Looking back it was brilliantly done
It had all the ferocity of an attack
But her words were carefully chosen
To redirect the idea of violence on herself
Making her the victim
It was meant to invoke an emotional
Response from me
Maybe I was meant to beg her for forgiveness
And hand her all the cash I had

In the end, they found the *******
in me
I had no emotional response to either
Of these attacks
They meant nothing to me
I was already numb
running
sprinting
as fast as you can go
oh no don't fall, don't trip
"oh, you stupid **** what's wrong with you?"
breathe.
stop.
breathe.
Don't stop.
keep pushing.
as the oxygen escapes,
your smile is forever eternal,
forever
immortal.
as the life escapes your eyes,
as the breathings comes to a stuttering, slow stop,
your flame dies out.
your light gives way.
the voice is silent.
Too many people have forgotten how to dance
Their bodies have become stiff with
Everyday life
They are checking their watch and carrying their briefcases even when they are not

You can see the worry in their bones

They move the most in their sleep, when their bodies fight themselves -
angrily restless at night because they are locked up during the day
Their arms are more like pipes than wings
Their legs are simply part of the machine that allows them to count

Their faces are clocks
Their hands are levers
And their hearts? -
Buried - somewhere beneath the flesh that has become less than flesh, the muscle that is less than muscle, the bone that is less than bone and
The blood that has become simply something to pump -
Something to keep from
drying
out
completely.

I heard a harmonica the other day-
My body heard it before my ears did
My arms listened so closely- my hips and my knees followed and the
Air stepped aside for my body
creating a tunnel of space without space for my limbs only
The grass below my feet was my stage and the earth and I were no longer separate

When I left,
A stranger told me
“You’re a great dancer”
I should have told him
“So is everyone else-

You just have to let your fingertips to reach for the notes as they hear them
You just have to train your heart to understand more than lists-
They don’t matter now – They didn’t ever

If there is a God,
I don’t think his intention in creating bodies was for them to worry
Perhaps our fingers weren’t made to always be holding something
Perhaps our eyes are in the front of our head for a reason
And perhaps our hearts are inside of our chest because who know what would happen if we
Let them out
Silent tears stream down my face,
As I look across the room.
You're smiling at her,
She's smiling at you.
I've been forgotten so soon.
And I only have one question...
What happened?
When was I dismissed?
We used to be so happy.
We used to live carefree.
Everyday together,
Laughing, smiling, joking,
Our hearts together were at ease.
Was it that easy to forget me?
Her I want to hate,
She's ruined my whole life.
You're all I've ever wanted,
You make my life complete.
I don't know where she came from,
But she swept you off your feet.
To me you've become blind,
She's made you push me to the side.
It hurts more than a sudden death,
Because we were so close.
The slow torture that you're causing me,
You're choking at my throat.
I've cried more because of you,
Than anyone before.
So many times I've run to my room,
And collapsed inside my door.
Impressions of my tears,
stained forever in my face.
My heart is in distress,
My breath a rapid pace.
I can't  listen about her,
A single second more!
Why can't I be the one,
Your heart desires for?
You've stuck me in the friend-zone,
Because you  care to much...
That statement has confused me so,
It makes me think uncertainly,
You care for me to much,
You'd rather hurt her than me.
Shouldn't that open up your stupid eyes,
To never let me go?
And now every time I see her,
I want to be enraged.
To claw her big brown eyes out,
Before you get engaged.
But then I look at you and see,
The smile that she brings.
It kills me more and more,
To see her in your life.
You don't think I understand,
Or don't see how much I care.
That I know you all too well.
One day she's gonna brake your heart,
And when you come to me,
I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces,
And help you to your feet.
I doubt I'll still be around,
I can't take this agony much longer.
To see her take my place,
Reminds me what I could have had.
Today I saw a picture of you,
Her wrapped in your arms.
In that warm loving hug I've felt,
The one I know is yours.
The hug that saved my life,
The hug that told me I'm special,
And just how much you cared.
But you broke my heart today,
I'm shattered and destroyed.
For when I looked at your smiles,
I think I may have died.
Written through my tears after seeing a picture posted online...

The Picture With Her...™  By Nadia DeLevea
I hunger for the blade against my skin
Like a necrophiliac lusts for
Cold decaying flesh

I need the blade to feel the rush
Like an addict needs
A shot of ****** racing through their veins

I want to see the blood
Like a murderer stares in amazement
At his latest masterpiece, all gore and guts
In That Moonlit Night Standing In The Abaft,
Watching The Towed Flaccid Wooden Raft,
I Thought That I Saw An Angel Resting,
Lying Exhausted There In That Craft.

I Call The Girl Out Unbeknownst Of Her Kind Name,
"Hey Young Lady!!" To Which She Didn't Much Respond,
She Looked Up Towards Me Once In Anguish & Collapsed,
I See Desperation In Her Amber Eyes & Resolve To Help Her.

The Crewmen Had Now Been Doing The Paddles After Resting,
I Summon My Captain & Ask, "Do You See That Girl In The Raft?"
The Senile Captain Smiles To Say, "Commodore, Better Get Married,"
I Look Just Clueless To Which He Simply Replies, "There Is No Girl."

True He Was As She Had Simply Disappeared,
I Started Thinking Of My Sleep Needs That Day,
I Looked Around Again In A Hope To Find The Girl,
I Had Compromised My Routine As The Commodore.

Then I Immediately Realized It Was My Wild Phantasm,
Now This Was Just A Plain Illusion Of A Tired Sailor's Mind,
No Mermaids Could Have Ever Existed In Reality & Were Fake,
I Turned Towards The Deck To Go Back To My Bunk For Sleeping.

As I Climbed Down The Stairs To Enter My Room Amazed & Dazed,
I Saw Her Standing And Waiting For Me By The Side Of My Bunk,
I Accepted That Delusion Of My Mind & Started To Lie Down,
She Said, "I'm As Real As Your Thoughts, Don't Fear Me."

She & I-Me & Her, Had The Best Time That Night,
In The Morning She Was Gone & Was Just Gone,
Disappeared Into Thin Air While I Was Asleep,
Each Day I So Dearly Long For Her To Return.
November 28, 2012 poem.

7 Stanzas Of A Beautiful Open-Eyed Dream Written In A Lonely Evening Reflecting Upon What I Lost Due To The May 7, 2010 Accident.

Read the entire Angel Saga by me, Atul Kaushal.
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/13567/the-angel-saga/

My HP Poem #19
©Atul Kaushal

I thank you all so much for the overwhelming response that this poem has received.

If you get interested in reading any of my novels after having read this poem then do visit https://www.amazon.in/Atul-Kaushal/e/B00NIQ5MTC/ for buying any of my stories.
I found a puzzle piece on the floor.
I cherished it. I spent time with it.
We biked through the streets,
and even cuddled under the sheets.

I found more puzzle pieces on the floor.
I picked them up. But I knew I had to stop.
I had a special piece, the first.
You just happened to satisfy my thirst.

These puzzle pieces I found once on the floor;
I was wrong. They were a lyrics to a song.
I set you down for a little while,
and deciphered the puzzle with a smile.

I found a lot more pieces on the floor.
Telling the story. Relieving my worry.
But there was something I did forget,
that first piece I was able to get.

The puzzle pieces joined together on the floor.
Making an image. Erasing the damage.
And when it was about to be complete,
a piece seemed to be missing, even under my feet.

My puzzle pieces lie on the floor.
Never a picture. It was nothing but a rapture.
For the piece that started it all,
was in a place where I could not crawl.
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