The story goes Eve tricked Adam
But in our story it goes the other
Way
Around.

You see I am the wind, ceaseless ever present, but always changing.

You are the garden, solid, tangible, always growing.

As the wind blows I walked into your life, ever changing I blew away the webs of despair those deathly spiders placed there so long ago.

You accepted me arms outstretched because I was different because there was something about me that was not tangible, it's a shame you didn't see it sooner...

I never had a true home as my home was the sky filled with shadows, hope, and things yet to come.

I only spoke in broken hearts and teardrops

But you, you were wonderful, different, special in ways you could not even imagine.

I thought myself saved from the oppressive life of drifting through the sky aimlessly day by day.

Instead the winds which had left me stranded for so long picked up the very day we began to talk.

And so those deathly spiders blew away and in the proccess the winds became to harsh and I lashed out.

Remember the time when I wasn't a monster?

Your heart fell to the floor amidst a pile of snakes and spiders whose fangs latched on filling it with poison, my poison.

And so I left you without a clue that I had stabbed your heart with my wind, and that the part of the garden cultivating love for me was gone before morning.

I've always been this way, a heathen whose impulsive ideals lead him to commit horrible acts upon the most beautiful of gardens...

☯
this pain is white noise
sleepwalking through this body-
in search of heaven.

I dealt death today.

I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
But today,
I felt it.

I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their

Roaring grief.

They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.

And oh,
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.

And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.

But I took it with me today.

The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
The waiting.
Slower rhythm.
Quieter.
‘He’s gone now’.

I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.

Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it

Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands

I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
Your voice

Ringing out
Thankfully
I wept alone.

Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Alone
Or for long.

I found I still consider you my haven
Deep down
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.

I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
And decided

☯
my insomnia
holds a gun to my forehead-
and dares me to sleep.

☯
long story short, i
glued the stars to the sky so
they could sin again.

☯
you weren't looking but
the universe unfolded
in your garden's bones.

☯
the requiem dies
in the mirror this morning;
"the costs of lying"