We don't have a love like the rest
I compare it to Anastasia and Christian
You are so cold and dark inside
You can't provide love in my life
You can't save me from the demons in my mind
But I love the way you feel inside.

It's hard pretending I do not care
I wouldn't have it any other way
The way your thrusting inside me
Pulling my hair, and I scream.

Down on my knees looking up at you
This is what we have to offer
A secret life of ***, and I can't be your lover
But the way you grab me, pulls me away
You can take all you want
Just stay,  my fifty shades.

The pain grew and grew,
And I began to experience suicidal thoughts,
I realized that life for me,
Was at a desperate impasse,
I thought of the garage,
Of a place where I might sit in the car,
And inhale carbon monoxide,
I'd look at the rafters,
In the attic and think,
Of them as places where,
I might hang myself,
I look at sharp objects,
As being implements,
For my wrist.

I'd be lying,
If I told you,
Loosing you,
Is something,
I could,
Handle.

what does my name look like written on someone else's heart?

You’ve got me strapped to this bed

I feel my mind leaving my head

I’m close to being dead

I can feel the needle break deep inside of my veins

They tell me I’m insane

But they made me that way

Every day it’s the same old thing

Nothing is what it seems

I swear I’m going crazy

I feel so hazy

There are so many needles in my arm

They said they would do no harm

But look at me and my insanity

I will dye my beloved brown hair blonde for you
Stand at the mirror -
I pour down the peroxide.
Knives grate my eyes and yet
they've never felt this alive
With my wild smile and
yellow hair. No longer a cub,
but a Lioness.

I will slit my wrists in the bath for you
In any case
these full veins will only take up space.
Fumes of pink against the ceramic varnish
I smile at the sight of your blood leaving me
and this bath has never felt so like home.