It took one 'Hi.'
It took one smile
To think 'Okay, let's try.'
Said to myself 'It's been a while.'

I've been afraid,
What if my feelings will fade again?
Don't know where this might lead
I'll just wing it, I'll count one to ten

Realized, that life is about trial and error
The harder you fall, the higher you soar
It can be the other way, but it'll harden your core
You can be another nightmare or someone I adore

I thank you so much
For the love and gift of life
I am very blessed

Held you close to me
Oh God, it feels heavenly
Hey, can't you see?

Seeing the people I love crying because of love.
Makes me want to protect my heart even more.

Memorable walk
Comfortable talk
Food for the soul
Had the same goal

Blindin' smile
Starin' for a while
Heart's contented
Though everything's complicated

I'll handle the pain
And go through it all again
I don't regret it

It's been a while since my heart felt this way
But then, it's my way, and  it's me
I've got so much to write and say
But I'll leave this as it is, look forward and see

Like typical whirlwind love stories
It washed away all my worries
Weren't searching but you came
Wishing everything will stay the same

But everything was just wishful thinking
I haven't thought about the pain it'll bring
T'was just 3 days for the both of us
Then the moment came, I had to take the bus

We had to come back to our realities
Bearing in mind all the possibilities
With the lovely memories we shared
And once we both cared

I unconsciously push everyone away
When I needed them to stay
Used to conceal everything I feel
Hidden behind a facade, it ain't real

It's my defense mechanism
Cause I know where it is leading
Stack myself with optimism
To survive and continue living

It's not easy to change this attitude
I don't want to appear as rude
But I'm doing everything that I could
Because I know that I should

This is my last plea
My soul that's full of agony
Deep thoughts like the vast sea
Guest of out of tune symphony

Hear the cry of my heart
Feel through touching my soul
Consciousness that's about to depart
Holding on to my sanity since last fall

I forgot how everything felt
I'm like numb to everything else
The current me whom I steadily built
Slowly falling like a tease

Salty water taste
Dripping on my face
Sound of pouring rain
Makes me feel pain

Small drops of water on my face
Is this what they call tear?
Caused by my huge fear
Is everything going to be clear?

The sweet words that once came from my mouth
Directed with someone else before everything went south
Now my heart is full of questions and reasonable doubt
I don't know which one is true or what I believe about

Now, I met someone new and he is definitely lovely
I can go everywhere and much more freely
I'm experiencing the same feeling before but much stronger
I hope this time my feelings will stay longer

No direction
Indecisive decisions
Compromising position
Full of cautions

I still don't change
Raging memories
Ripped one important page
One of the forgotten stories

It's always me who leaves
Just like a thief
Stole their hearts
No permission, just brief

Tried to hold on and stay
Thought I was strong
Watched my resolve crumble, and sway
Guess I was definitely wrong

Freed from those invisible shackles
That is holdin' and weighin' us down
Filled and stitched those painful holes
Tryin' not to make ourselves frown

Smiles that I took from those faces
Killed the happiness, I once saw in those eyes
Tired with my own sorries and apologies
So I'm setting everything free and our hearts

It's funny how careful I am right now
Especially, with my social media accounts
Don't wanna offend, I'll just bow
Don't wanna be out of bounds

If I choose to stay again
Can you guarantee I won't feel pain?
Hardened barrier became very thin
I'm about to make another sin

Slowly awakening old me
Sleepiness vanished by just a mere fragment of thee
Blurred but I'm trying to see
This scenery, is this meant to be?

Like a pixelized screen display
Perfect straight lines but positioned in disarray
Unclear, still don't know what to say
Faint but I can hear my heart that says "Stay."

I'm loosing my grip of my thoughts
Can't seem to write anymore poems
Now it's hard to express what I feel
Locked, and now it has a seal

Blinding sunlight
Fascinatingly bright
Caught up in the moment
Feels like heavenly sent

Can everyone also see?
Or is it just me?
This picture perfect scenery
Of astounding beauty

I was drawn by their smiles

Sleepless nights I end up with sighs
Don’t know what’s in my own mind
A blank expression on my face
Watching The shadows and I trace

Mind as blank as paper sheets
Like the dim lights all over me
I watch the shadows questionably
Why does my heart pound intensely

Words won't come easy
Don't wanna be cheesy
All of these cliche's
Searching for ones niche's

This is my safe haven
But also my struggling place
Expectations that I'm always chasin'
Always puts me in a daze

Careful with every move I make
All of this for everybody's sake
Afraid I might forsake
Always very careful on what I should take

To whom, should I move freely with
To whom, I can take a steady breath
To whom, I can be emotional with
To whom, I can feel truly safe

Hey, beautiful soul
You are loved, you are enough
You are very tough

So much promise unfulfilled
Unknown power each of us yield
Overflowing and now I'm thrilled
The definite reason I should shield

Puzzled, about which way to go
Now, I'm just going with the flow
Family, I love you so
I'm showered with love so I grew

Ain't used to being saved
I've let someone before. I tried.
Let myself be takin' care of
Thus, it made me aloof

Now, I'm scared it'll happen again.
Saw my worst in my most profound recollection
Reprimanded for being rescued
That I should've given back what I received

If I knew the burden, it'd cost me
Should I have refused?

I'm losing my track
It's hard to go  back
I have no strength
It's hard to breath

How can I fix this?
I'm facing such hard tests
Can someone give me a hand
I'm eager to stand

Please, tell me
Are you both proud?
I still kept my promise
Even if you're both not around

I strayed before
Fought my silent battles
But again, I found my cure
Freed myself from my own shackles

I wish, I can see you again
Beggin', just once please?
Thank you and sorry for everythin'
I hope you're both happy and at peace

Here it goes again
It's like I'm committing a sin
When you utter words you don't mean
The first thing that comes through is pain

The air’s cold breeze
And the drizzle of the rain
Calm me, I can see with others gaze
Perfect scenery that no one can complain

I hated my life before
Felt like my soul was being tore
With heartbreaks, mistakes, and cowardness
Lost my faith and gratefulness

Every day was like a major test
Each day was a struggle but I tried my best
I sacrificed what I thought was wrong
Cried every night but showed them I'm strong

Now I found my happiness
Through my family and friends
Appreciating little things in life
And the joy that life brings despite every strife

Here we go again
It seems like it's always repeatin'
Every time feels like I'm committing a sin
Letting go always causes me great pain

Been spontaneous lately
Just wanna do everything lightly
Keeping a slow pace everyday
Vocalizing everything I want to say

Hey, take your time with healing
Hear the angels sing
Meditate quietly, it's calming
Drink tea, it's soothing

Honestly, I'm just mumbling
Looking for peace, I'm searching
I can find it, I'm hoping
With a hopeful heart, I'm praying

Caught up in the moment with your gaze
And all I can see is your charming face
Reborn in a different place
You're the one thing I'll forever chase

In my heart I'll keep you close
Despite every bit of your precious flaws
You'll always be the one I'll choose
I'm the electricity and you'll be my fuse

You're mysterious in a good intriguing way
I want to know you but I don't know what to say
So down in my bed I lay
As my thoughts tell me everything's okay

Someday somehow, maybe we'll be together
And the moments we share I'll always remember
Though waiting for 'us' seems like forever
The future with you and me,  I'll be the infinite believer

Appreciate every little thing around you
Every pain and hardships  you feel
For it will mold and strengthen you
Turns your heart into steel

The weight of my title with you
Gotta earn it, have something I gotta sew
To keep my sanity, I let it flew
And pretend everything is cool, just had a flu

Didn't show my struggles with them
This is something I gotta win
Though  hidding it seems like a sin
I don't know, I just feel it's the right claim

Don't wanna bother anyone else
I can do this, this time by myself
They can't understand the difference
So I store it in my private shelf

I don't want to take the shortcut please
I'll just wait for everything to be real
I know everything will fall on its right place
In Papa God's time and will

It's funny how I can no longer write what I feel
Just like before my hand and mind writes with thrill
It feels like my hand has a hidden seal

Your smile that lights up my day
I held your hand walking by the bay
Caught up by the moment
I ran out of words to say

We're silent but comfortable
We're in love that's undeniable
We'll bravely take the risk
I hope it's unshakeable

We're very happy, I know
But all of that were about to blow
I am slapped by the truth and reality
Realized that it was all just a possibility

Suddenly there was silence
I was left in a trance
Couldn't take a second glance
Heart's beating like it went for a prance
Lots of memories sinkin' in
More at peace than I have ever been
Flashbacks of my reality that I've seen
Wanna leave and hop in the hogwarts train

Tired of my own sorries
Too many apologies
Runnin' in circles
On repeat scenes
You're tired and hurt
I, the one who hurt you first
Drowning with my own guilt
This is the hardest I've ever dealt

I didn't know where everything went wrong
I can't even listen to any kind of songs
One day, I felt like I'm slowly dying inside
Pushing everything and everyone away by my side

Little did I know, you were fading away
Future tower we have built started to crumble and sway
My clear eyes with our visions became blurry
Can't remember our plans and goals when we are merry

Until that day came that I can't no longer see
That perfect future of you and me
Then everyday was a misery
We are both hurting, I'm so sorry

For being so genuine, you deserve my honesty
You of all people deserves to be happy
It may hurt you so much, but for a while
Soon, I hope to see your bright smile

I chose to tell you the painful truth
Than tell you sugar coated lies of this mouth
Know, I loved you so
Now, I'm letting you go

Darkness filled with pain
Can't stand the agony, I'm going insane
Everyday struggle, all seems to go in vain
Stuck in my darkest memory lane
Can I just end this almost perfect life?
Instead of fightin' myself with its own strife
Wanna escape and sleep this self to death
I wanna run away and breath

Breakin' free from your grasp
Made me breath and gasp
But it made you really sad
It made feel really bad
But I know this is the cure
It seems wrong, but I'm sure
I don't know how to describe
Can't really picture my future life
What I'm feelin' inside
Fightin' life and its strife
Felt my pain and agony subside
Rest assured I'll always be by yourside

Slowly, but surely healing
Pickin' up the pace of it's normal rhythm
Faint but you can hear it sing
This heart's melody and system

Being irrational and emotions taking over

Makes you think how real is forever

It makes you go crazy and say unnecessary things

Holding on to every memory of happiness it brings

On other days you say everything that comes to mind

But sometimes answers were so hard to find

Feeling all the emotions in every way

Sometimes, you don't even know the right word to say

It makes you do something you thought you could never do

But at the end of the day, you end up saying, " I love you so."

I thought I saw you today
"It's not you, please.", I pray
Relief, run through my veins
As if, I'm free from hideous chains

You're all over the place
I hide, you chase
I'm still afraid
These memories won't fade

Scared to see you again
Afraid my efforts would all go in vain
You're a beautiful nightmare indeed
You taunt me awake in bed

I really didn't mean to stop
Just started again from the top
Had my treasured mem'ries to keep
And my feelings still diggin' so deep

I feel so suffocated
Been feeling agitated
Can't stop shakin'
My body's tremblin'
It's so heavy
My body's weary
Heart's been sprained
Toxic in my veins
It's like I'm chained
With invisible chains
Heart beats faint
Fell for its bait

Now let's just wait and see
Let time decide if we're meant to be
Will those feelings you hold prevail
Or my prisoner, you'll choose to bail
Givin' you your free will for a year
Hoping all these bad feelings disappear
A future with no doubt and fear
And everything will be accepted and clear

I hope you're doing well
It was me who tripped and fell
In the past, thou shall not dwell
I'm keepin' this story I won't tell

Hidden emotion
Bright smiles
Tears in motion
Silent sighs
Step one, two, three
Still, now frozen body
Brain says, be free
Heart says, stay
A part says, let go
A part says, i love you so
How complicated can this get?
How can I win in this bet?

Midnight thoughts raging
Emotions are brewing
Gentle sound of the rain
Memories that's rushin' in

We're clueless indeed
Where all of this might lead
But we'll take this chance
To fight and make a stance

This can be right or wrong
We can be at bay for so long
Fighting our own demur
Serendipity, hoping it'll occur

Torned to pieces
This screaming heart pleads
Shattered wishes
Broken memories