My love,
Do you feel that ache, deep in your chest?
The feel of my roots twisting around your ribs, grasping at a home.
Did you know that I’m lost, in my mind?
The ambiguous definition of living, of life, tearing creases in my skin.
Are you aware that you’re holding my string?
Even though you’re gone, you hold my sanity, or what’s left of it.
Can you remember that night, under the stars?
You traced letters into my skin, forever branding me with your touch.
Has someone told you that I’ve gone missing?
I tried to retrace that memory, I tried to travel back when I felt alive.
Wouldn’t you just laugh at me now?
You told me that nothing lasts forever, importance is ignorance.
If you had the heart, would you warm me one last time?
Don’t you know, that metal is cold on my chest.
Will you do me one last favor?
Remember you will always be my only one.
My love.

The lights blazing in between the rail cars illuminated the surety of your words,
Tears glistening in your eyes, hanging on with your deep breaths.
I lost all sense of reality, falling as I sat in place, cemented within the gripping realization.
Dread pulled my lips together, sealing my final gasp.
Quivering limbs, jerky thoughts, hazy eyes.
To stumble through darkness, bright lights calling me home.
Rumbling ground, vibrating air.
I’m sorry, but can’t you see how I long to be?
No, my love, you wouldn’t understand.
Couldn’t comprehend the pressure that has built in my mind,
Like a thousand tiny gnats pushing to escape.
Scraping at the thin membrane of my brain,
The home to my home.
I lost track of all direction, intent on following the shining metal to my final destination.

I loved you for all the grace and beauty that was absent in the world.
Touched by the sunlight, kissed by the rain.
You danced with my soul and cherished every minute that swallowed up eternity.
I remember how you unfurled my veins and replaced my life with fire.
No longer was I ruled by biology’s hand.
You were my puppeteer, revealing another side of life, developed in your mind’s eye.
My love, how you threw me to the Heaven’s to sing with the stars,
To play with the Moon and marvel in her milky white beauty.
When I drifted back into your arms, your heartbeat animated me.
Your heartbeat revitalized me.
In that place between reality and childish dreams, I found a home.
I found a home in your mind, your heart, your very being.
Until we became one.

You were gone a year yesterday.
When people say it gets easier, I guess I just have to suppose I'm the anomaly, the outlier, the odd one out.
Because it doesn't get easier. In fact, it gets so much ******* harder. Where it takes every piece of willpower to patch that hole in my chest.
I know it gets bigger every single time I remember that I won't ever see you again. It gaps wider as that sly smile will never be shone again, and that mischievous laugh will never sing.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to bear seeing your face in photos, or if certain memories won't ******* me into a state of disrepair.
In this moment, I find it hard to breath as regret tears down my throat, adding to the mayhem in my mind.
But in Heaven, I know you're doing all right without me. Without us. Biding your time.
But it sure as hell is hard down here.
And here's to another late night, I hope the fish are biting.

When you tossed me into the galaxy to play with the stars,
I never considered the fact that you would not be there to catch me.
And so, I fell fast and hard, breaking this heart I thought was ours,
Crumpled I lay, staring into the white eye in the sky, who ignored my plea.

Off you ran, hand in hand, with your fantasies and dreams,
While I picked myself up, following after your careless shadow.
Through the sleepy town, down the dirt road, crossing the streams,
Night after night, I pictured you in my mind, and the way your eyes would glow.

I yearned for your laughter, your smile, your beautiful heart,
Wishing with my entire being you felt the same.
As days changed to months, the crack grew, drawing us further apart,
For the longest time, as obvious as it was, I didn’t know who to blame.

Confused, angry, hurt beyond words, I could hardly draw a breath,
As my lungs had collapsed over the hole where my heart used to be.
You had broken your promise and left me alone, all I could wish for was death,
Realization sunk into my bones and it was all I could see.

I dealt with this knowledge the only way I knew how,
Crimson soaking into the darkness that clouded my vision.
The center of my dreams you resided, the only place I saw you now,
Trying to forget you and everything we had was my hardest decision.

Success is at the end of this narrow tunnel, just out of my reach,
But one day, my first love, I will cease to think of you.
Your sixteenth birthday, or that day at the beach,
Spooning in bed, the perfect fit, laughing in the truck, and how we grew.

Against my wishes, this chapter of my life is ending,
I can feel it just as surely as I feel you leaking out of my soul.
Reluctantly tearing your roots from my being, I need to start mending,
I gave you everything I had, I never held back, and now I must crawl out of this hole.

One day I hope you find a love that I thought we had, perfect and perpetual,
Not a series of wanton adventures and endeavors, but something real.
Otherwise I fear you will die a very lonely man, surely it’s eventual,
Our time is over, this love is through, if only you knew how broken I feel.

My goodbye comes with warm wishes, one last kiss upon your cheek,
One last memory to reminisce, before I burn this to smoke and ashes.
Someday I will be able to pull you from the wreckage, and it will not be as bleak,
But until then, to rest I lay, forgiving your actions.

Into the night I drive, headlights peering curiously at me before passing by in slow motion.
Everything has become drenched in this murky darkness, dragging and pulling at my frayed edges.
Hardly can I recognize myself any longer, as I stare blankly in the mirror, dead eyes glazed over.
Old love, do you happen to see the listless dreams within the lines dug through my once smooth skin?
Hysterics bubble to the surface of my lips as I remember again how you threw my love in my face, clearly you had it in abundance.
Realizing that you simply don't care, as you can't even bring yourself to meet my pleading gaze.
Admitting defeat, I turn away, dragging my decimated heart behind me, down into the inky valley where I'll wait.
I'll wait until I am able to understand that I am worth a love as grand as mine, someone who puts the Sun and Moon into my skies, as I blindly thought you once did for me.
A love so bold it brings shame to the beasts who chase each other across galaxies, time and time again.
Perhaps someday I'll be more than a pit stop on someone's promiscuous road and I'll find a home in this careless world.
Where forever doesn't come with an expiration date.

Did she even have to convince you?
Or did you follow along willingly, a puppy with a lead.
How could you not feel the ghost of my kiss upon your lips,
Whispering every single I love you, so softly.
How my hand would trail down your back, wrap around your side,
Tugging you closer to the safety of my heart.
When she gave you that look, I fear you fell headfirst.
Not once did you think of how I felt you so strongly,
As your roots were buried within my very being.
My love, I would have followed you through the valley of death.
But I guess her lips formed the right words, playing your tune so sweetly.
Haven’t you thought of how hard it has been for me,
To stitch up my remaining half of our heart?
The way I’ve bled for you and the future we had at our fingertips.
I’m left to wonder why I couldn’t give you what you wanted,
Why my entire heart and soul wasn’t good enough?
She must have been everything I never was, for you to stray so far.
In this palpable darkness, I fear I’ll never find my way out.
I’ll continue to claw at its edges, while you love another.
Never would I wish you harm, as I’d be my own enemy.
And so, my green eyes, I hope she’s all you could dream of,
I hope she’s worth my shattering world.

I spoke with the trees until they helped me to sing your name upon the wind.
Passing in all directions, they carried whispers to one another, admiring how the moonlight seemed to make your skin glow.
They told me how you danced through the ferns, your black-clad frame disappearing until the stars shone within your bottle green eyes.
When I dreamt of you, the leaves drifted your scent to curl around me, an embrace filled with longing.
You spoke my name, a breath carried along the honeysuckle wind.
Tasting your cruel sadness, my tongue felt thick with regret.
My sweet dream, how could you not feel the air around you charged with the pain of my soul, the words trapped in my throat.
I tried to speak my apology, but miles away you had wandered, stealing my heart, hiding it in the jar within your pack.
Branches leaned down to eavesdrop on your heartbreak, alien to the endless life of an oak.
Tinged in blue, your resting place reflected the depths of our despair.
Closer I tasted you, felt the hum on my skin, excitement buzzed in my soul.
Those eyes on the horizon, I watched you turn away.

While I fought to contain the agony,
you walked over the stolen words and out of my sight.
Desperate, I sought after you,
surely this was a mistake.
But in her arms you lay, peace written on your face with soft spoken kisses.
Your home within me was decimated, a sanctuary no longer.
Only barren memories of a time not long ago,
where I was the one who whispered to you that everything would be okay.

Once upon a time, I fell into a wormhole.
When I landed on the other side, I awoke within your sunny green eyes.
As I stared in wonder, I felt for the first time ever something deep inside, a tight ache within my chest.
A string woven from your smile, intertwined between the atrium's of my heart.
From that moment on, I would live to assure that smile never faltered.
I came to learn everything about you, from the way you purse your lips in abstract focus,
To the silence that falls upon you in the early hours of the warm mornings.
Our every encounter burned onto my skin, a walking collage of every kiss, of every touch.
My heart strings you played beautifully, as softly as you spoke to me.
Malleable I became, yearning to be everything you could ever dream of,
My very essence shaping around the orbit of our bodies and thoughts.

Then I felt you cut my lifeline, your words fell upon shattering eardrums.
And here I sat, a fool with a knotted heart, bleeding misery and confusion.
Wishing with all my heart your words were a cruel joke.
I stopped to laugh, as I realized I never meant anything to you.
Our future was nothing other than a one-sided fantasy,
While she sat triumphantly, holding your attention that was so easily given.
Clearly you were otherwise occupied.
But my lovely dream, think back to that cold January day, when tears fell like rain,
When I offered you my remaining broken heart, my final plea,
A love that still shone through every single blow,
and Please, Don’t Forget Me.