Darkness.* It was as clear as daylight, and the truth was right in front of me. But my stubbornness and unwillingness to see made it as if I had hot candle wax on my eyes, while standing in a citadel of lights.
Refusal. Refusal to see, let alone act. I chose to see only my illusion and shun the reality that those who were not blind have been trying to enlighten me to.
Denial. In retrospect, it wasn’t refusal as it was an ignorant denial. I denied myself the reality that is, and lived in a world that wasn’t. I could not comprehend that I was living a lie for so long that I rejected the notion that there was even a reality besides my own.
Truth. I have lived in the dark for long enough, but now I have to be brave for myself. Slowly I’ve come to see that my entire reality was merely a fantasy. I hate the line that goes, “The truth will set you free”, because it offers no promise of rehabilitation after release, but after losing the hope that fuelled my dreams, I see now that hope was merely a drug that I was addicted to for far too long. The truth will set me free, but it’s a double edged sword. I am free from my shackles at the cost of cutting off a part of myself. I am free, but was it worth the cost?
Freedom. Now I once again walk in the warmth of the light, and see the deceit, skulduggery, and empty promises that was my fantasy. An old man once told me, *If I let go of someone who did not love me, it is not a loss. The loss is theirs, because I lost someone who didn’t love me, but they lost someone who loved them.
Love. I am empty now after giving it my all, but fret not, there is the certainty that people will come into my life, who will fill up what I’ve lost, and then when the time comes, I’ll give all I’ve got to that special person who’ll give me all they've got.
Time can heal the wounds, but it can’t hide the scars.