Leaving work I realized I had forgotten something
I turned back for it and headed up the stairs
I met a coworker coming down as I went up
He smiled and said “Hey, you’re going the wrong way”
As we passed on the stairs I said
“You have condensed my life into one sentence”

I really want to run away with you
Don’t be scared, it’s easy.
We wait until no one is watching. It has to be dark out.
We’ll need food and drinks and blankets
We should leave our phones behind for obvious reasons.
And we’ll need matches. Lots of matches.
And then.
We build a shelter
Out of blankets and chairs
We cuddle up underneath,
And escape this world together
Using candlelight and cookie-dough
I told you it’d be easy to run away
And we did it
All while staying indoors.

I pretend to feel skinny and pretty
but I know I’m not beautiful or thin
I bleach my hair to cover up the grey
most days I feel fake in all ways

I wear clothes that hide my appeal
want I really want is to be real
I pretend to be an artist and a poet
but my work speaks for itself I know it

I struggle to speak my truth
stolen from me in my youth
Given up my right for basic needs
deeply rooted are her toxic seeds

This facade she created
is someone I have always hated
I’ve spent years peeling back layers
desperate to reveal my true nature

I lost decades cutting her away
razors turned dull the pain didn’t fade
Punishing myself needed to end
in order to survive I cannot pretend

I’m on a journey to uncover
the girl I protected from my mother
Despite her powerful instincts to hide
the woman inside is dying to be alive