I feel like a creep.

It's been months since I kissed you,
And then you two got together,
And I swear, I'm happy for you...

But I can't help but wonder.

I wonder why
You kissed me back.
Why you held my face,
And slid on top of me.

I wonder why you kissed
Down my neck
Over and over.

It felt like hours.

I wonder why
I was so gentle.
Why your hair felt nice
On my fingertips,
And your hips felt nice
In my hands.
On my waist.

I wonder why
I tried to hold you afterwards.
Why you pushed me away,
And said we needed sleep.
I didn't get any.

I wonder why
I couldn't talk the morning after.
Why I felt so *****,
And you seemed so cold.

I wonder why
I couldn't look you in the eyes
Outside of the dark
Basement.

I wonder why
I was so mad.
Why you were dating him
And not me.

I wonder why
I felt sick
To my stomach.

I wonder why
I stopped being mad.
Why I just felt empty
And wanted to be slutty.

I wonder why
I was so worried
About you being the last person
I kissed...

But not being yours.

I wonder why
I kiss her
So gently.
Why I am so soft-lipped
When she asks for teeth.

I wonder why
I'm so shy around her
And can't look at her after.

I wonder why
I think of you.
Why her hips feel so light
In my hands
And my fingers reach for more...

They come up empty.

I swear, I am happy for you.

I swear, I am happy.

But...

*I wonder.

She's magnetic.
I am a washer,
Pulled in by her.

I am awash
With want.
She's turned me desperate,
Starved animal.

I was so forlorn
She felt guilty.
Her eyes strained to see me,
Sad sap.

I'm not in love,
I'm insane.
Possessed by some succubus.
Tapped into my carnal flaw.

How could a demon
Smell so sweet?

Harmless sin.
Blameless craving.

She carried salvation to me
In her hands.
Her mouth.
She baptized my body.

I am reborn
Wicked as ever.

Skin wet.
Eyes open.
Every nerve aching
For her.

I am made by her.
For her.

I am succumbed to her.

To her spider hands,
And her rotten mouth,
Her allure.

I am helpless to her charms,
And I'm growing weaker every day.

Then she left.

She made me
Vulnerable.

It hurt.
But she was
*To die for.