after a breakup
people said move on
that i'd find someone better
they told me to take it as a lesson
something for the future

they said
i didn’t matter to him
as much as he mattered to me
and somewhere, deep down
in the bottom of my shattered heart
he once swore he wouldn’t break
i knew they were right

but how do i tell them
i fell for a sweet, funny boy
who once swore he’d marry me someday?
how do i explain
that no matter how hard i try
i can’t bring myself to hate him?

not a single piece
of my broken heart he left
has been able to forget him

how do i tell them
moving on
feels like betraying him

how do i tell them
i never wanted the lesson?
i just wanted to be
loved by him

How to Get Over Someone You Love

you don’t
not really

you just never get over someone you love
not till you gave all the love you had to give
maybe more than you ever could
till your heart wasn't yours anymore
just a vessel they once called home

till all the love you had got drained
drop by drop
in texts they never answered
in dreams you didn’t ask for
in silences louder than any goodbye

till living felt heavier than it ever could
till breathing became a task to do every day
like something you had to remind your body to do
like staying alive was a promise you never meant to make

till their name felt like a wound, not a word
till every call ended in silence that stayed
till their voice lived in your headphones
but never in the space beside you

till sleep became the only peace
and even that lied
offering dreams that left you emptier
than waking ever could

till songs you once loved
became unbearable noise
till you couldn’t tell where they ended and you began
till your reflection looked like a stranger grieving someone
no one else could see

till time moved on
but you stayed behind
a version of yourself
still waiting for a door to open
one that already closed

till letting go felt like betrayal
till forgetting felt like a crime
till you forgot who you were before them
and the person you are now doesn’t recognize the light

till you realize
love isn't always enough
and sometimes
not even yours to keep

I wish love were mine to write
I wish I wrote about a pair of dark brown eyes
staring into mine
like they were the only thing he'd ever seen
About how he hugged me until I was breathless
how with him living wasn't a burden

I wish love found me
the hard and forever kind of love
the kind that never ends never gets lost
I wish there were arms to hold me when I cried
or when everything got heavy

Halfway across the world
Asleep right now
There is a girl
I like her

Not like like her
Not in a romantic way

She's just sweet
She knows me
She cares about me
She's there for me

Halfway across the world
Asleep right now

She's there for me
She doesn't know my first language
She only knows me thru texts
She has her own problems

But I don't know
How I could help

Halfway across the world
Asleep right now
Doesn't have to face her thoughts
She's okay now

If she's okay
Than so am I

And I couldn't be more grateful
To have a friend
Halfway across the world
Asleep right now

Thank you Charu <333

In the end
I was never meant to be loved
Like a plant watered just enough to survive
but never enough to grow

I was that plant
Kept alive by fragments of affection
just enough to make me stay
but never enough to feel truly seen
Never enough to feel like I was enough

Like a glass vase that shattered into a thousand pieces
I melted myself down
remolded my brokenness
into something he could love again

He said he loved me
But still, he let me fall
Again
And again
Until there was nothing left to remold

Until even breathing felt like a burden
far too heavy for my shoulders to carry

Why do I have to force people to love me?
Tell them to care about me
Why don't they just do it themself
Am I really that hard to love?

That in all these years
I never once felt love
The way I loved—
Deeply, passionately and endlessly

But it was just who I am
Filled with love
Without ever being loved

Sometimes I feel cursed
The curse of always being loving
But never being loved
Like i read in books
Like in the movies i watch
That kind of love never found me
Even not in my own family

Youngest but never loved
Told to be more
Like their older child
But never themselves
I was never anyones favourite
They never came to me
When their life got hard
Or when it was fun

As always, when no one's awake,
my thoughts begin to eat me alive.
When I’m weakest—
when no one's watching—
I finally break down.

My eyes bleed
until sorrow drains from my face,
leaving nothing left to see.

My heart sinks
a little deeper each time
into a dark, hollow space
no one could ever reach.

There, my sorrows feast on me
second by second—
yet somehow, I’m still here.

No liquor strong enough
to keep me from drowning.
I walk into
a never-ending darkness,

awake—
in flesh,
adrift in shadow.