It's one of the nights I wish you'd tell me
that I should stop drinking
I should stop smoking
but it's not
it's not one of those nights
it's one of those nights that I'd drink
and smoke
til' I pass out
and check up on my Grandmother
I'm not saying it's a lonely life I have
you're gone
and she's dying
but yes
I'm implying that it is a lonely life
I have.

It gets me thinking
that I did you wrong
The midnights that we used to
make time for both of us,
now its just midnights
My deepest thoughts goes to you
I wish you could feel, but that's just
me, being selfish.
If you'd say farewell to me
this is left unfinished.

I feel like my poems have just become a list of complaints but how can I find the beauty in this storm?
No church has ever heard as many prayers as that hospital room that night.
Your life hung in the house like a crucifix or an old family photo.
HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THROUGH THIS?????
Did you think your absence would make anything better?
It hurts.
It's killing me.
You left in paragraphs. You said I'd be fine.
But when you left you took me with you.
Now my bathroom floor knows more about me than I do.
Now I see you everywhere. In the halls, in your sister's eyes, our coffee shop. oh God that coffee shop.
Your presence still paints the walls there.
The coffee isn't strong enough anymore.
All I taste is you.

The desire in your eyes
to live
is very futile
It depresses every bit of me
to see you
hurt like this

These are the nights
I wish I'd say to you
It's alright
or There's a brighter side to your clouds

Yet sorrow's got you now
But
I'm gonna say it here
I know you may not be reading this but
I'll still be here
after you have found yourself.

the time's where you
used to buy me novelties
and hide it from who thinks
I don't deserve it
but you, you thought I deserved everything
much more.
and now you're sick
I can't do a thing
it's not okay and never alright.

and I saw you cry
not a thousand words
could be said,
Just Silence,
in your dark room

I myself don't know
what suffering you're
going through right now
but you are assured
I'll be staying as long as I can

just silent sobs I hear
I wish i could say
everything's gonna be
Alright.
but I can't speak
There's too much pain
in your eyes
Don't worry, Grandma
I will always love you.