I'm only skin deep
and separate from myself
burrowing in this flesh
for a short time
and i feel bad for how
much i hate this body
that i'm in and i
often wonder if i cut through
the layers deep enough
would we separate.

i appreciate your service
and willingness to host
my sickening consciousness
but i'm really not deserving
nor do i really want this
so to whomever i stole
my body from just know
that i know that
i'm ungrateful.

Have you ever stopped to wonder

How the moon feels?

We put so much faith into her
We spill our darkest secrets to her
We give our very souls to her

But...

What if she doubts herself

What if she...
Doesn't feel good enough for you
Doesn't feel worthy
Doesn't feel beautiful
Doesn't think she is worth anyone's time

What if she is hurting too

THE HANDS OF A CLOCK
REVOLVED ROUND THE CIRCULAR DOT
GAVE A KNOCK
TO MY LAZY EARS LIKE A GUN SHOT

MY NOISY HANDS GAVE A SIGNAL
TO THE NOISY CLOCK
TO STOP THE RECITAL
AND SIT LIKE A ROCK

TIME PASSED
I SLEPT UNFAZED
BLAZING LIGHT CROSSED MY  EYES
STILL I SLEPT UNFAZED

A BAND SOUND WOKE ME AT LAST
I WAS IN SHOCK
TO SEE THE TIME RUNNING SO FAST
BLAMING THE CLOCK

I RAN INTO THE UNKNOWN BUS
WITHOUT MY PURSE
PRACTICING A VERSE
WHICH IS ALL A CURSE

In days and times of younger years,
   I felt I'd never fall;
I couldn't lose no matter what
  if I'd just give my all.

I lived my life so focused on
  both riches and my fame;
I tried so hard to do my best,
   just hiding all the pain.

I dreamed not huge, but massive dreams,
   in life I had a plan;
To take this world by storm myself,
   to be a wealthy man!

It's my own fault, the way I lived,
   it comes as no suprise;
I worked so hard both night and day,
   my loved ones paid the price!

I never spent, not near enough,
   each moment oh so dear;
Those precious times, the little ones,
   that draw a family near.

Now've made a pact to focus on
  these finer things in life;
To be the dad I should've been,
   to turn my wrongs to rights.

To hug and hold, to love each day,
   to make up for lost time;
To NEVER let them go again,
   to walk a different line!!

Oh creeping snake that wanders through tree branches and wraps around other plants. How you dangle and hang from the reaches of the heights. Your roots are deep in the dark dank soil of the forest as mist rises from the floor to engulf the canopy. You put forth delicate shoots and fragrant flowers that entice a host of your neighbors to delight on your foliage. Despite your favorable nature, you still make my skin crawl. Like a green serpent you wind your way in many directions, not knowing where you begin or end. I will respect you from a far distance and hope that are paths do not cross again.

I've been told to write what I feel
But what I feel about you is everything I hate about myself
I used to remember your words with fondness reading them off like love letters as if this was a Jane Austin novel
And now my stomach churns at the thought of you ever speaking to me again
Your silence struck me far more than words ever could and I'm terrified by this thought
So I close my ears to the incoming noise and pick a god to pray to
Because unlike you it doesn't matter if they wake up and decide I'm not worth any more of their time
They're not real but you didn't feel real either
We connected over four hours of traffic and wavelengths
Throughout our lives we seemed destined to cross but never touch
Just two parallel lines running alongside one another
And one of us tried desperately to travel a different path
Leading them to where they ought not go
Yet fate is fragile
It doesn't bend to yearning and wishful thinking

I wish I had a thousand trips around our lovely star
So that I could go back and forth to kingdoms near and far.
To soar forever, taking time, enjoying every bit,
And bathing in the sky of love for every mind I lit.

The bows I'd take, the vows I'd make, new friends for every day.
I'd trek alone, all by myself, about the Milky Way.
I'd smile back and share the tears of strangers and of kin.
I'd live my life and help live theirs – no virtue and no sin.

I'd fly with bats and swim with whales across the ocean blue.
I'd walk the line, I'd take the stage, I’d chuff and churn for you.
I'd learn to live and learn to love and learn to breathe again.
I’d salvage bygone knowledge that I’m but another man.

I'd break the ice, I'd warm the hearts, I'd open all the doors
Which lead right to the fields of stars as my life runs its course.
I'd reap and rove, I'd rave and roam, relentlessly reborn,
Reluctant to let go but still – I’d mend the pages torn.

I’d show myself – and let it spread – the message of pure love:
First love yourself, thy neighbour then, and last – the sky above,
Find strength within, the courage true, the potency of wit,
And don’t regret the choices made nor every second split.

I’d crawl and dash and dive and rise, oblivious of time.
I’d juggle fates and bend the rules, incessant in my prime.
I’d teach and preach, I’d do and dare, defying night and day.
I’d swear and slur, I’d speak and stare as my time ticks away...

But life’s too short, and I don’t get to have one thousand trips
And all I want to ask for is a plethora of blips –
A-blurred, aghast, agog, alight, astonishingly apt –
I’d be forever in their debt, tumultuously rapt.

And on my final trip around, I'd love to sail away…
To throw that fond glance at the moon
And die another day.

October – Movember ‘16