Vayla Hemingway

Apr 15

colleen

impostor

there’s an
impostor
in the mirror
and she has
my smile.

Vayla Hemingway Apr 15

The spotlight that I stood in
It helped me remember
That people do cherish me
People love me
People appreciate me
People adore me

People may think it's child exploitation
People may think it's child abuse
Just for me
To be the main figure in the shining bright light
Allowing people to watch me sway around the stage
Allowing people to hear my voice
Allowing people to see my creativity
But all it seems to be
Is for me
To get a more attention
To not be ignored
For people to come together to support me
I felt like I was getting lifted
It was dangerous for how high up I was
I felt amazing
My self-esteem was boosting
I felt better about myself
Because all I do
Is doubt myself
To the point where I might commit suicide

I've been isolated
By myself because
I knew that I was horrible
I know I still am
Look how I write
It's terrible
I'm aware
Yet, that small amount of approval is everything
That made me love everything
It brought the fire to my dull flame
Relieving me of my own darkness

I'm glad I had my fifteen seconds of fame
It made me feel better
But now I'm back at square one
I can feel the water spraying my fire down
And I feel kicked off my stage
I feel replaced
I feel like I'm no good
I'm happy I finally got recognized by more than 30 people though 🫶

#spotlight #attention #approval

Vayla Hemingway Apr 13

It's okay, it's their fault

It's okay
The things I say
Is just me repeating the words
They are saying
While they tell me
It's all their fault
It's all father's fault
It's all brother's fault
The scars on my skin
Reflects their harsh words

I can't
I can't do anything
I can't be sober for more than a week or two
I can't keep myself away from the blade
I can't keep myself from clawing at myself
At my face
With my sharp finger nails
Forcing pain onto myself
Forcing myself to bite my finger
Hoping it would eventually bleed
Make it feel worse than skin upon dried ice
It hurts
Yet it's all their fault.

love being narcissistic when angry. can't take responsibility. (It's been 14 minutes since I've been two weeks sober. Broke the streak again.)

#responsibility #sh #tired #selfharm

Vayla Hemingway Apr 11

Karma

Watch the moon disconnect with Earth
Watch the waves fall back
Watch as the waves seem more aggressive
They're squiggly
They're hurt
Now the ocean is hurting the others
Making the others suffer from its own consequences
Swallow
Drown
Death
After hours of torture
The waves fall back
Revenge has failed apon itself
Toxins is now flooding
Killing

****! Karma!

ehehehe

#ocean #civil

Vayla Hemingway Apr 11

Perfect double suicide!

You know
We can just spend some time together
Find out what we both like
Go out skating
Take walks by the beach
Everything is fine!

We can do anything that you like
Give my drink a spike
Allow me to escort you
Allow me to be your loyal dog
Get us into a deadly bar fight
We can take walks down the road
Watching an old guy driving, looking at his phone
Only for him not to hit us
******…

Hands so delicate
Force me to be quiet
Be rough with me
Choke me
But why won't you join in my plan?

We're perfect together and you know it
We'd be in articles named “the perfect suicide"
“Lover's suicide"
We can intertwine our hearts
We can cross the bridge to my dreams!
Don’t you want to take a ride?
Don't you wanna see the pearly white gates shine?
Want to see which religion is correct?
Rather than see some frogs dissect?

It would be so beautiful
WE'D be so beautiful
On our deathbeds
Facing each other
Hoping our wedding will be as perfect as this moment
Goodbye.

delusions.

#double #suicide #life #delusional

Apr 10

RedMushrooms

Scars

They come in many
Shapes and sizes
Some are white
Some are pink
Some are brown
and others are purple
Some you can't see
Some are thick
Some are thin
They might even hurt
One thing that they
All have in common is
that they all have a story.
Whether it's from
Climbing a tree
or from crashing a car
maybe it wasn't an accident.
Thought no matter what
Every
Single
Scar
Is beautiful
No matter what you say
or other people say.
They are as beautiful
As the sunset
over the ocean.