My
Aches
Ache
I
Ache
For you
To shake
Me
Into
Two
The way you do
When you pull me
So rough
Into
You

Thank you
For always
Noticing
I'm bipolar
Especially in the middle of fights
Or when I'm hurt
Or when I have a problem
It's the absolute greatest thing to hear
You're just bipolar
Anytime I feel emotional
Because it's an inconvenience and interruption to your constant one man parade
I never bring it up
It's an embarrassment
The only thing I inherited from my dad's side.
I am an heir to the need to constantly ****, forget to eat, and ruin every relationship that comes around.
But there are some good things too
But you don't see those
Because you're marching down the street twirling a baton in front of your herd of elephants
Oh how many times
Have i heard
You say
You cant listen to me
Or focus on me
Because you have
ADD

Sun rays bouncing off the water
A blur like a sleepy I don’t want to get up yet morning
Cold legs
Back
Warm shoulders
Neck
Left right
Left right
And I’m tired
Hanging on the side
Head on my shoulders
Skin wrinkled tight
Backstroke to when the sun was high

Hop scotch
Drip watch
Have you
Called the boss
Have you
Walked along
Along the road
Along the pier
Can you take me far from here

You’re calm like the shore line
Always changing though
I’m topsy turvy
Crashing and splashing
Into you
At full speed
Salt burns me
But slaps you harder
Bleeding pores
Close another chapter

Beaten down like a path full of powdery dirt with lumps and holes throughout the earth
Quiet now because age has laid its hand on my head and told me to rest
Still angry
In my heart
In my soul
Watching and reading a life wading in a brook

Nicotine walls
Tarot cards on your desk
Cigarettes in a row
Whiskey on your breath
You just don't feel love
You're waiting for death
All the hair you cut off
To put in your spells
Is catching up to you
Now that you're in hell
And all the bruises you gave
We're given to you first
By man after man and woman since birth
It's a shame and it's sad
Of what came to be
Egg shells on your floor would break if you'd breathe
And I know it's hard to live in such tension
And the road that leads to hell is paved with good intentions

I’m January the winds did howl
Through the floor boards
And my heart
Still
We clung to them
The window shook with each shake
And the stove smoked like a train
My tears froze and my body ached
But I’d give anything to see you again

Crawling toward a light
A little warm light
Campfire lantern stuck in time
When the glow hits my hands I start to dance
Will I ever change
Don’t patronize me
Get off your bended knee
I don’t need you on the same level as me
My eyes are not the things I’m hoping you see
My thighs are the size they are for your hands to squeeze
And I’ve had many days of bruises on them
And many days of milky white
Don’t small talk with me
Don’t tell me what you want me to hear
I see you hanging on my words
It’s cute
And as soon as it’s in my grasp
It becomes my responsibility

You make my heart stop
Then jump
High
Higher than you
Hi
How are you
And I know that you
Are always
Happy
With me
A drink of water
Discretionary
And I am unavailable
Because you are unobtainable

Your eyes bright
Twist my side
I have nothing to say to you
Inhale
Inhale
I love you too

Does it feel right?
Always
And is it?
Never
A touch of the hand or a brush of the sweater
A look in your eyes makes me come
untethered
And I know it’s right
But it can be
Never

I like to be tasted by you
And bent into two
Thrown across the room
Legs shaking
You’re cruel
I like to be slapped
And tapped
And told I’m nothing more than trash
I like to be held down
Let down
Laughed at
Not allowed to make a sound
I like the way you pound
Into me
I like the way you make me feel

So much change
In my heart
In my day
So happy
With you gone
Is that wrong to say

Trying but the shade is gone
Take it long and take it home
Wishes are all overgrown
You can still make me moan
Thinking like a scientist
Crying like a baby fit
Tell me why it is like this
Tell me why I feel like ****

Every time I look into your eyes
I realize I’m flying too close to the sun

Thank you for looking my way
It was the only compliment I got today
Though I gave 10
To the one paid to love me
Please give me more
I crave your gratuity

Night Drives
cold window air

Lemons fall from fig trees higher
I can’t hear you feel me cryer
Tell me why I always like to try
Cut my leg you said it’s my thigh
There’s all the places I want to be
Take my hand or fall for me
It’s always the wrong wall
I’m too busy for the call

Seeing you again
Put me back to a time and place
Made me spin
Dress twirling
Hair flowing
Seeing you again
Made me whole inside
Made me dance when I stepped
Getting lost in your eyes
Throwing away my pride
To see you again

Go **** Yourself

I’ll never be
Good enough
To anyone
No matter
How far down they are
I climb lower and lower
This time I dropped
And still
I am nothing

Pea hen high
Shot down
Doesn’t fly
Quite
So much anymore
Still the same color
Feathers much fuller
But still she lay from their ray

You would do that and then I would do you and then I wouldn’t stop talking and then you wouldn’t sleep
I would think to myself you don’t love me
And you would say nothing
And it would feel empty
I love the way you have a line on your nose
And I love the way your body tenses down to your toes
I like to lick and **** what you just licked and ******
I like the way you ****
Again and again

Have a little dignity
Or weep a little song
Of failure
As I sink into morbidity
Inject me full of hope
While I find a **** to ****
I could be mute
As long as I let you in my thighs

I know how to peel a heart
It's a punch and a kick with a bite and a twist at the end
It's the blood on my face that I don't see til morning
I know how to peel it fast and quick
A tear and a rip
A triumphant roar I scream at you
Watching you dance the same dance with the same man twirling out of the frying pan and into the arms of the fire again
With charcoal toes I hear you call again
I know how to peel a heart
But what good is it when each time I peel yours I peel mine too

Your cursive outlines the scratch of my pen
Which scribbles through my brain an ideal life of us together but my gestures remain in vain because you won’t give in

Do you understand how hard it is to flet the son of the big lililahoo in the night of the spinetines upon the darlamays oh but what a fine time it is to sway to beat of the *** *** drums once we are relieved of this fiesome pin in!

Maybe I should write plainly
I do not love you
Yet
I’d like for you to love me

You tear my heart in two
I tear yours too
Seventeen

Different rhythm
In bed than him
Different melody
To you than me
A day ago
I felt so alone
Now I wish
You would leave

I guess i shall cook and clean so I can alas make the choking in the bed room seem believable. Oh the things I do for ****** satisfaction

I just wish
I didn't spin
in circles
I just wish
I wasn't so dumb
Fall into your arms
Spread my legs
I just wish
I didn't get wet
every time I hear your
Name

Warm winter day
Volleyball
***** socks
Too much makeup
Your foot on my arm
The girl who can't stop spinning
A cacophony of gossip
Coffee on the porch
Too many pills
Trips to the store
Hiding cigarettes
Hiding lighters
Can I use yours yet
Crying because of husbands
Spending because of husbands
Handsy uncles
Handsy aunts
More coffee?
Yes. please.
How's your job
It's the best.
I get love and love and love
No regrets
Competition
**** waving
Sunday night
Driving home

I was close
I was really close
Closer than I ever am
On your lap
Kissing you
And being touched in anyway you wanted to
I was close
Almost broken open
Split in two
Doing what you asked me to
Crawling on my knees for you
Begging for you to want me too  
I was close
I was close to you
Needing you more than you ever knew

Christmas play
Making me feel
1945
Jolly rock Christmas tree bluebird
I hope you sing loud all week long

100 names I’ve been called
Death 3 times a year
Pushed against walls
Spit in my face
And I let you make me cry
I am the stupidest
I am entertainment

Creepy crawly
Seashell lover
Beads around a wrist no longer
Bones that crunch and hair that twists
Six feet under a sordid mix
A sun that shines on quiet days
Morning brings a foggy haze
And you don’t come out on Sundays
and can you feel the quiet
And can you smell the earth
And do you hear the silence
Do you still feel the hurt?

All roads lead to nowhere
If nowhere is somewhere I don’t want to be
If home is an empty box
If you are a fleeting glance
And I fall for it every time
Because god said no
Even when I tried
Even when you tried
Time after time
With each failed test
Destined for loneliness
Dead inside

Stab my heart
Please
Just take it from me
Rip it out
Hold it above my body
And let the blood drop down your face
Take a bite
If you'd like
So sweet
Sweeter than you thought it would be
Syrupy sweet sticky honey and crunch
Let it bleed from your tongue as you ****
**** it with no teeth the way I ****** you when you asked me
Look back down at my body
And tell me again how much you really wanted me

Not good enough
Not quite suffice
I saw you walk toward me
Pointing your newly sharpened knife
And as I braced for impact
I remembered I’m not even good enough
to penetrate

My issues are showing
Manifestations in nightmares
Manic delusions
Desperation
I could have had anyone
Twist of fate
Your hand on my thigh
Turned in
To your hand on my neck
And I loved it
No limits
No
Boundaries
No, no
And here we are
My chest cut open
Blood trickling down
My issues are showing

I loved you like a shoe loves a roach
I loved you like dirt loves water and soap
I loved you like gum on my shoe or the bottom of my jeans scraping the pavement
I loved you like a fly loves the cold
Like the youth love getting old
I loved you most went you were gone

Not one
Not one time
Not one look
I cut Out my heart
I wring it out in front of you
The blood drips your favorite melody
It beats for you
As I lay dying

I know you're just a little girl
That really makes me sad
You act like a *****
Probably no dad
And I still love you
But I wish you'd laugh a little quieter
I wish I'd kept you in your shell
I know exactly how you're feeling
When they're dancing around you
You feel like a conquerer
You feel like a general burning down a city
You feel like
A man
And then when it's over
And you're home alone
You feel a little bit sick
You feel like you just danced naked for cents
And your mom calls you to dinner
And you just want to cry
I know how you feel
And I guess that's why I'm so angry inside
You dance beautifully baby
You're smart and you're kind
You could burn any city but you won't leave it behind
And that's why you're weak
And I'm weak
And that's why we cry
But when you disrespect me
My empathy turns to pride

I bleed
And I cut
Every inch of your lust
You make me want to die inside
You make me cry on my way home
You made me flip 3 times
Why do I
Get found by men like you
Men that like to pull thread through your needle
I wish I could stab it into you

I see my hand in the sand
Reaching for a bottle to break over your head
Have you ever met a soul so detached and ungrateful
You say I entangle my words tight enough to choke you
If that's true, please choke and swallow
I have bruises all over my soul and they tick and they tock and they manifest when you talk
Ans I'm so tired of saying sorry

Your head between my thighs
Your tongue between my lips
Knees squeezing your shoulders tight
I could get used to this

Drinking big blood afternoon
I saw you put your puzzle in the oven
I’d like to take that weight from you
Find my number in the coven
Take the electronic air
Rub it on your chest
Green pastures blue fields
And still I’m not impressed

Dark and cold
I saw a ladder
Towering so high
My neck, it broke
Power and status waved down to me
As I climbed onto your empty body
So gold and friendly at the top
I just have to get up up up
While you stroke down down down
I just have to hold tight
and hide my frown
Tongue like a tack
**** causes laughter
Staring at the floor
Waiting for after
Tile that hugs
Walls that judge
I'm ready to climb back down