Yelling
screaming
  doubting
   shouting
    kicking
     hitting
      pushing
       pulling
        falling
         crashing
          smashing
           lashing
            grabbing
             stabbing
              winning
               losing
                running
                 hiding
                  crawling
                   stalling
                    stealing
                     hunting
                      hurting
                       spying
                        crying
                         killing
                          dying
                     always lying
                   endless fighting
           When will this battle end?

I'm running out of breathe
My limbs are feeling weak
My heart begins to throb
An aching in my feet

My head it starts to spin
My eyes are slow to blink
A pounding in my temples
It's getting hard to think

My legs are cramping up
My arms are feeling sore
Tears are running hot
I'm falling on the floor

Pretending perfection
It's draining me quickly
Hard to recognize myself
I'm looking rather sickly

The energy it takes
to keep this smile in place
To hide my depression
I'll die at this pace

Your love is a cigarette,
burning with passion.
I breathe you in deeply,
watch white turn to ashen.

My stress disappears,
a temporary buzz.
You make me feel better,
your smile always does.

My lungs draw you in,
inhaling your air,
while telling myself
that you must really care.

I know I should quit.
You're bad for my health.
Your love's filled with toxins
that sneak up with stealth.

As soon as you're gone,
I'll crave you again.
Headaches and heartaches,
I need you again.

So light up another,
Until I get smarter,
old habits die hard,
bad habits die harder.

Last time I promise,
I can't keep this up.
You're killing my insides,
your love is corrupt

The longer I love you,
the more toxic you get.
I'm addicted to you
like my first cigarette.

I was drowning.
Underwater.
Fighting for air,
fighting to swim.
Drowning, underwater.
Something held me down,
Something kept me from taking a breath.
Drowning, underwater.
I tried to float, but always sank.
I tried to breathe, but always choked.
Drowning, underwater.
I had no escape.

But you saved me.

You cut me loose.
Taught me how to swim,
taught me I could breathe.
Inhale, exhale.
Taught me I could smile,
taught me I could laugh.
You showed me kindness.
You showed me happiness.
When I found you,
I found me.
You gave me life,
you gave me purpose.

But you changed your mind.

Was I not enough?
not smart enough
not pretty enough
not skinny enough
not **** enough
not happy enough?

Was I too much?
Did I ask too much?
Did I care too much?
Did I love too much?
Did I need too much?
Did I hurt you?
Did I scare you?

Why were you so ******* afraid

Afraid of change
afraid of unknowns
afraid to let me in
afraid to feel what we felt
afraid of distance
afraid of trying
afraid to love me
afraid to let me love you
afraid of the future
afraid of us
afraid of this happiness
afraid it wouldn't last

But I needed you.

Now I'm drowning.
Underwater.
Fighting for air,
fighting to swim.
Drowning, underwater.
You're holding me down,
You're keeping me from taking a breath.
Drowning, underwater.
I'm trying to float, but I'm sinking.
I'm trying to breathe, but I'm choking.
Drowning, underwater.
There is no escape.

But I can't forget you.

Your words grab my ankles,
tying me to the ocean bottom.
I'm kicking and fighting,
but your touch paralyzes me.
I'm crying for help,
but your memory suffocates me.
No one sees me,
no one hears me,
no one saves me.
You don't save me.
Drowning,
Underwater.

But I still love you.