Each passing day, life seems a little less meaningful than before, I no longer make an effort to take a breath. If it be my last, let it be. Every effort has ceased, I've become as hollow as I can get, scrapped the bottom of the barrel; trying to find the hardest way to make my easiest exit, being among the living is agony

His quietness, was his roar.
Echoes of broken words combined within.
Even the deaf were silenced with no gesture.
The room shook from within,
Taking it all in,
Grasping that he could not be loved.

Am having to rethink everything, it's been years since your passing and in failing to deal with the pain I've let myself believe that I would never be the same being I was before I knew you. I've let the misery of your departure take control and watched myself as I fall into a pit of depression, one manic decision after another has led me to a disastrous life. I miss you with all that I am and I wish you never had to go away and leave me alone. It feels strange now that am finally reimagining who I am without you.

The very air I breath, feels so rushed, raw and unfiltered. I wish you were here with me by side to witness my desperate grasp for air. Maybe you could offer your hand and a gentle kiss to sooth my fears and caress my demons to their slumber. Speak to me in our native tongue, play our tune and dance till our feet come off. Your absence is the presence of fear, fear to lose you, fear loose myself; without you to catch me as I fall. So far, I have been holding my smile together, but really any dummy could read the troubles in my eyes. I miss you; I miss you now.

The chime of the red flags kept on banging.
Ignorance became the vehicle for my demise
The lines were just too fine not to cross
Her word was the seduction
The laughs, the smile, the curves
All too good to believe that she could be mine
I fell for the beauty, a facade
The charms, the kindness, the love
The chime still bangs, though the tune has changed.
To another lover she belongs.

I convinced myself that I will be able to fall in love without holding on too tightly or giving it my all, yet I am here in the familiar state of emotions that I have found myself in time and time again. Once again I have laid down all my feelings and left out the fundamentals of starting a new relationship, even though I could read the signs. I chose to ignore them, well’ that's my way of falling in love. I lose grip of myself, my values, my standards and for a moment I allow myself to get carried away in a string of emotions and let you pull.

I should've given myself time to heal from the beginning, but really it's hard to think of healing at the time when you are falling and it's made worse when the scars cannot be seen by the naked eye or can easily be hidden with a dash of smile.

I sit here with my thoughts mixed up, not sure whether I am thinking of you or it's just the sorry I feel for myself. I look up the sky and wonder how the **** did i end up here? I've met so many before you and yet I don't seem to have taken any lesson from all the hurt ive been through. Should i continue to feel sorry for myself or should i keep waiting for the stars to align themselves as i wait for you to come back.

What does a man need to possess in order to be considered worthy of your time, i'll give you my time, will that be enough for you to at least give me half of yours. If i said ‘hi darling’ could you at least say hi back. Give me the satisfaction that I have not just wasted a precious second of my life without any yield. Just give me the satisfaction, even if it meant your response was the end of our conversation for good.

I sit here and I wonder, what am I doing wrong, have I been born ahead of my time that I missed my chance to meet my soulmate? I scramble around chasing wind and falling on air. The gentle winds of the south have become so harsh to my calm introverted world. Where do I go now, my zone of solitude no longer gives me any comfort, I can't escape or walk away from the thought of you.

A piece of me is gone
Scattered with memories
Lustful and dreadful
At times I loose my self
Deep within myself
Searching for a piece I once had
Now scattered in unfamiliar places
The more I dig deep
The more I get broken into shards
Am not made of glass
Nor is it the element of being
Not fragile but broken
Am only human