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Avestani Aug 2023
Confusion,
It takes its hold of me and burrows in my memories
Diffusion,
The back and forth the black and white I just can't choose a side
Dissolution,
When it all comes down to this I think I dismissed all the answers
The Solution,
Let it burn away until I'm left there holding nothing

I can't get away the hallways always seem to loop back
This won't go away I'm stuck inside a version of my myself that I thought died
The demons are calling me with words so sweet I wish they were facts
The angels that follow me are worried this might be a relapse

The god that's inside of me is screaming won't you let go
The part that's been killing me is
I want to go home
But there no rest in sight
I've lost my right to the light
And by the end of this night
I'll know if I'm wrong or right

Though it's been killing me, I really know I want to go home
The demons that follow me with sweet words that shake me to the bone
All of this time I spent just to understand that I know nothing
All of the rage I felt has turned out to be aimed at nothing
All of the pain I've felt was sought by my own hand
Im searching for an enemy and found  the target painted on my own back.
Avestani Aug 2023
Used and passed around and let go.
Promise you're a sinner but you ain't no ***
Used and passed around and let go.
Swearing that they love you but you never get a home
Promise that you're worth it but they never keep you long
Endlessly you wander searching ever for that song
Little do you know we try to show you where your wrong

Life is not perfection and we all share that truth
No one's truly worthy when we haven't got a clue
Heavens meant for better days your time in hell on earth will pave a future that is laced in gold but as for now the truth be told we all could use encouragement, the loving words, and time we spend to make us become better men so you just name your faults.

Impatience and Anxiety oh what a joyous melody
Agressive inconsiderate, you put yourself above the rest
You want the world but seldom give the love you take no hesitance
You can't be told that you are wrong cause in your eyes you've always won
And how I know these words ring true you never think they're meant for you.
The reason that they always leave, they never call and need to breathe, they love you when you've love to give but stay away for better days, I want to help I want to heal but not my place to fix your deal, a broken mind a broken heart with broken skin you bear the mark and little of the time we spent could erase all the pain you've felt I hope that you'll have better days with friends to laugh and wile away but truth be told I wrote this song cause I won't be with you for long, I take my leave with heavy heart, and pray I left a gentle mark, a seed that sprouts a thought that grows cause before long you will grow old, when beauty, bank, and form fall through,  the only one that's loving you,
Is you.
Avestani Sep 2021
Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind

Worthy of love, I'm sure that I am
But what would it take, to receive my demands
Know I have strength, know that I'm strong
So why when I stand up for myself I feel wrong
I'm here to be loved, by the people who care
So why does the love, that they show me make me scared

Holding myself, to the standards I set
Wanting to grow, as I try and forgot
The voice of the truth, is the one I don't use
Hurting myself, like I've got something to prove
To say what I want, to say what I need
I long for the moment I can finally be free
Only stopping myself, and holding my breath
I'm 'fraid to draw lines, but closed mouths don't get fed

Worthy of love, I'm sure that you are
But what would it take, to make you state your demands
I see inner strength, I know you are strong
I love when you stand up, let me know what is wrong
You may not need love, but I'll show that I care
Ask what is needed, and never know fear

Holding yourself, to the standards I set
Little do you know, I want what's the best
Your voice carries truth, I hear when you talk
I want you to heal, what's you grow and improve
Just say what you want, just say what you need
I'll help if you need it, so you'll find inner peace
You're stopping yourself, just let go and breathe
Have faith, draw your lines, 'till you feel safe with me.

Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind
Avestani Sep 2021
The potential of disaster or perfect collision
Did we lose sight of the original mission
Are distance and status creating division?
Confidence wavers at the moment of decision
Hesitant to feel, give into the flow of unspoken words that seldom hold the feeling behind verbal contact, lost passion on the wind drifting off from our tongues and our eyes, watch the hands, does the longing drive you mad, sure of the reception knowing you'll be accepted, but both cowards at the apex not willing to indulge ourselves in the most harmless of risks, a moment, a loss, a potential bliss, knowing our worth, knowing each other, exchanging emotions as we find ourselves within each other's range but like magnets the attraction leads to repulsion, fueled by conceptual barriers constructed by the filth of the physical, calamity of humanity a fickle mind and frozen heart so much so that eagerness for light and love is masked by fear of pain and past, like walls that form between our dreams that petrify reality, the game is played until its done, until time has won, and we've never begun, but oh we dreamed of it with clarity, the love we'd have, if we were free, like the animals we are, indulging in carnality and hedonism, reject the will of civilization, concepts formed to dominate, put man above man, we could see the boundaries between us rent apart nothing more than empty words hinging on empty thoughts that mean nothing to the energy between us, a million reasons, a thousand rejections, thought if cards played right could be perfection, to bet some time, a move of faith, we could separate from the conscious of man, the weakness and lies it brings, accept the will of the spirits, immersed in the universe, heeding the call of nature we locked away in our own man made order, heeding spirits with wisdom beyond any man, creature, or beast, and see if our love was something God planned.
Avestani Sep 2021
Blackest nights and hearts of hearts
As the feeling hits my bones
Vast illusions take their hold
Welcome evil to its throne

Embrace the stars that guide my fate they've often burned when I arrive too late
It seems I'm running in a vector leading myself back to what I hate
I picked the crown from all the roses, chose to drown yet dreamt of floating, spending precious time just hoping, loves a drug so now I'm doping, heart so broken no use coping, all this ink black blood is flowing, spilling from my tongue it stains the ground pollutes the mud

Wasted words, from wasted tongues I think I've fallen out of love and now this freedom cuts me open just to rip out all these pieces, voices, words, and thesis I've been Clinging to this life, God should just hand me the knife, I'll carve myself a new beginning.

Stab myself with a thousand needles to drive it home once more that there is no growth without pain and from me all the hues of red and black come pouring out in a catharsis of the self inflicted damage I've pursued in the twisted notion that accepting this pain will leave me with nothing left to lose and everything left to gain but as it turns out the gods were never so cruel and never so kind as to let me weather the entire storm to prove to myself that I was truly alive.

No.

No.

Take me, break me, shatter my illusions, drive my mind into confusion, take from me everything I hold true and run it through the strainer that's
you, God of wisdom take my hand and drag me through the burning sands, and take from me right as I bleed through every wound you set me free, crush my faith, tear out my eyes, if I don't make it death is fine, gifted wisdom from divine, is worth this anguished mortal life, show me death and show me light, show me plenty show me strife, cast upon I beg of thee, make me listen make me free.
Avestani Sep 2021
Do you stumble when you fall or does the weight of this world send you crashing to the ground as the jeers from the crowd snap at your heels like hounds bred for slaughter that never knew light but could only feel hunger and see you as a victim as only a measure of scrap just a snack for the time of the night while you fight do you know why you value your life stuck to work like a cog or a slave just because you get paid wont mean **** the next day as you're stuck in the cycle and do it again and again
Can you feel me, I know you can hear, but can you just feel me, I'm bleeding from my heart of tin, that I've wrapped up, the sound of it beating, its trying to greet me, but I'm far too greedy with my peace of mind, to let what's inside, set me free make me blind, and I've always just known that the truth could not hide, so what did I find while I'm searching for answers, the truth was I'm scared and took flight like a dancer on wind, as I'm screaming "You know I will find you" the signs point behind me but I'm just a coward who wont learn to turn.

I've always been too scared to turn,
Myself
Into what I dream to fill my sea of memories with joy and love if meant to be and yet I put a stop to whimsy find myself in cryptic visions haunting tales of sorrow laced with deep depression, masked with brute aggression, deaf to all suggestion, monster of me I will make of myself, cause the beast with no knowledge is easy to trick, and the games that I play may be all with myself, but I'm too scared of losing so each trap I lay I ensure that I fall on and both my legs break just to stutter my progress before its too late, and light much like darkness is found in all man but I'm too busy drowning in hourglass sand, to take stock of the meaning that both are in balance
Avestani Sep 2021
Falling faster, call the pastor
He's a *******, don't extract her
Sharing dreams, now cross the fracture
Changing fonts to write new chapters

Drowning in laughter
What's the matter
Can't you see the one you're after
Hypocritic, I'm a cynic
Watching you reach for quite a minute
Can you save her, can you savor
All the moments you've enslaved her
Now you're burning, conscious hurting
See yourself as undeserving
What you're learning
Stomach is churning
Freedom means you're by yourself

Inky depth, in the darkness of my mind
Lobotomize my tongue, let me drool it out like wine
A verbal vorpal blade, that seeks to make you mine
You're bleeding out emotions, so we're only wasting time
Tragedy has left you broken into pieces undefined,

Faceless emotions, and flimsy love potions
You can swim across the oceans if you follow in their motions
Late night with the lotion, Spirit bomb explosion
Water makes erosion, I'm burning out my Trojan
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