Writing has become my safe haven
and my sarcophagus all in one breath-
these emotions are purged from my chest
so I end up feeling empty again.
I am tempted to write the same poem
over and over but I stop myself.
I wonder if things such as this
can be as good as they once were
but that is just an image in my head
that will never become reality.
This page has ruined me
for I was never the same before
it tainted my skin
and imprinted upon my retinas
the misconstrued intentions
of a golden thumbed wordsmith
all of which I am not.
The knife in my chest bleeds ink
but I think it's running out now-
there's not much left of what keeps me alive
and I am choking on these words you say to me.
My heart beats too often for your words
that I read on the page like eulogy
but my mind knows better
than to engrave your name next to mine just yet.
I'm not the only basket case in this equation,
not the only one addicted to the idea of
going backwards and starting anew.
Things cannot grow backwards,
flowers only bloom or die
they're only consistent if you water them
and these tears seem to have ran out
my mouth is too dry to speak
I'm having trouble keeping up with these thoughts.
They are like maps, drawn out in the back of my mind
but I'm not sure which way to read it-
my memories do not work on North or South,
not even East or West
they only know forwards and backwards.

These words don't seem to fit together
or flow in a way that they're supposed to.
The more I think too much about them,
the less they seem to make sense.

Over the past year,
I lost some of my hope for humanity
And my love for the world.

I tired to stop caring.
But I couldn't nor would I
Yet I could for a small while

I felt I was heading towards insanity.
Just another brick in the wall. Another tile on the floor.

All around me, zombies i saw. So scared.. so ******* scared of the future forever more.

...

But I feel alive again for the first time in months.

The darkness of the world while your spirituality blooms is as uncomfortable as large summer moths by your bed side.

Im a wildflower.
Rejected and ignored by the world.
I spread no fragrance, i spread no love.
I want no one, i have no one.
My life is a wildflower.
Nobody cares, nobody loves.
Nobody sees the thorns pricking me, nobody feels the coldness freezing me.
Just a ray of light touches my pale skin when the dew falls, and suddenly disappears when the tall trees wakes.
I wish, i wish, i wish if one day i was blown away with the wind to a garden of wildflowers,
live a life where everybody sees each others' flaws, but they breath the same air, nourished by the same soil and spread the love they never got.
A garden of wildflowers is worth than to be in a bouquet of roses.
A small wildflower has to fit herself just to keep her safe from not getting pricked by the thorns in the roses.
Everything which looks beautifull, smells pretty or makes u feel a rose,
ain't happiness.
'Cause no one knows what she has to go through just to get the love she always wanted.

She showed me her pain, hidden
Under the scars she wore so
Perfectly, while she cried afraid
I wouldn't love her for the who she is
That once loved a knife

She showed me her pain, no longer 
Hidden in tantrums and fits 
Feeling scared and ashamed, I 
Told her I loved her even more, I 
Wouldn't be a salt to her wounds, I
Kissed each scar and searched all over
Me for one and I couldn't find so I
Carved her name into my heart
My stronghold, I let her in
And as I cried from the pain, stubbornly 
Fighting the tears, I
Told her and I said
Now I have a scar too and that's the kind
Of love I want to have.

It started with “Hey!”
I was shy and reserved.
You were boisterous and outgoing.
We became instant friends.
You balanced me on life’s balance scale.
Our lives became in synced.

It continued with “I love you, as a friend”
Daily calls ending at 3 am.
Movie nights in our ugliest Pjs.
I became your relationship therapist
And you became my life counselor.
My heart became entangled with yours.

It grew tricky with “I love you”
Your presence made me giddy.
Your smile made my inners swoon.
Hearing about your relationships
Filled me with envy.
A battle arose between my mind and heart.

It fell apart with “I need you”
You put me down easily.
Showing me my place in your life.
I could be everything but not the “one”.
You would never feel the same,
But we could remain best friends.

It ended with “…… “
Our friendship isn’t able to bounce back.
I cry daily knowing I can’t have your love.
I can love you better than any!
Maybe you’ll realize when I’m gone
That with my heart; is where yours belong.