a broad brush and a surreal sense of clarity. this we celebrate! for i have seen the road ahead and it is hard and cold and dead and it goes on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on, on and on and on, on and on,
and the truth weighs nothing. travel light. be unburdened

and i'm running and i'm looking back and you are running with me. our hands are clasped. our knuckles are the whitest thing i've ever seen. and i feel you start to stumble. i feel you start to fall behind. i squeeze even tighter, but our hands are disappearing. i am terrified.
i had a birds eye view of your body the night they found you. i tried to take you back, but i kept losing you. in the end, when i finally found you again, i thought you looked like you could lay there forever. and i think about that all the time. i think about your last breath, that last look, those last words. sometimes, i wonder if you'd know.

no one said it would be easy
i just hope you can learn to trust them
more than you ever trusted me
and know i'm not proud of what i've done
gargled six days with gasoline
still can taste the blood
what hope is there without sacrifice?
what is purpose without love?
i turn back for one last look
at that strange place
struck by a visions of hell
and in the middle, an angels face.
i have to be dreaming. please don't wake me up

For a moment i was warm
and the world made sense
i could have laid there forever
and been done with all the rest
held captive but i'm no prisoner
god, grant me the strength reserved for the holiest of sinners
she said she'd help hold those words
that rested just above my head
lest i be crushed
under everything that i left unsaid
(against this even gods fight violently, in vain).

we held hands on this
our last night on earth
while we kissed
our mouths filled with dust
the shadows of the trees
confuse our blood upon the leaves

we walked along the path
we followed closely to the sea
the skyline was on fire
and the smell of smoke hung in the air
like some terrible disease

as the storm approached
and you gripped my withered hand
i knew i'd gladly fade away
if it meant i could walk with you again

it's 3 am and i can't sleep
you're always there
a weight upon my mind

the moon doesn't care if i live or die
i thought i knew myself
i thought my heart was cold

but it's 3 am and i can't sleep
your picture stares at me from the wall
the wind blows through the open window

i take a walk outside
find myself reflected by the river
i can no longer hide it

and it's 3 am
and i can't sleep

my best friends
they all died
took a trip
to the other side
i get calls
on my phone
late at night
when i'm all alone
i hear laughter, i hear cries
no hellos, and no goodbyes
(and i am wishing i was with them)
she took the train
from that small town
tried to get up
only to fall back down
she's aware
that life's not fair
but it doesn't help
when no one cares
she took her life
on a stormy night
threw in the towel
gave up the fight
six months since she left
and i still don't feel right
(and i am wishing i was with her)
remember those times
that you ****** my friends
i swore it was over
you promised not to do it again
so i forgave
but results are the same
now you're alone too
no one's calling your name
but i'm alone too
and i'm staying up late
to sick to shout
to sad to hate
(and i am wishing that you were with us)
i don't have a heart, you just think i do. things will never be the same again.

a moment of joy
a fall from grace
now an empty shelf
instead of an angels space

always cracked, no matter
how well it's assembled
gone, lost to our breath or
the ground as it trembles

i asked what she'd found
as she collected the fragments
a feeling of loss, hopelessness
despair and detachment

it was only half as precious
as i had originally thought
she smiled as she told me
love is given, never bought

justice exists in the world
it just can't be everywhere
for everyone
all of the time
but stay sweet my dear
keep a smile on your face
ignore the crosswind
deny the warning signs
there is no good and bad
only people doing
the best they can
with that they have
and despite your
reminders of all i lack
you'll neither find in him
so why can't you love me back?
memories of you are
like being stung by a dead bee
buried dreams and visions
and all that you meant to me
hope is a waking nightmare
just like that bee, long dead
i prefer the surrender in sleep
til i awake, your last whispers
running through my head

Suspended by the weight of the world
and these 3 nails,
given away to the hopes and dreams and fear
silence fractured only by such sweet and stuttered breath.
'I'd still rather taste the blood in my mouth' he thinks, 'than your tears on my lips'.
Remember, against this even the gods fight violently in vain.
What chance could you have stood?
'The bodies not what we lack, and if I could do it all again, I'd do the same thing'
followed by a single breath
and then it's over.

stop wishing for death just because
you don't want to live like this
don't settle because you're scared
follow through on those
mid-day walks and
late night drives
stay up late getting drunk
with all the friends you're afraid to lose
you're not sinking
you're not alone
you're beautiful
and braver than you know
you're a miracle and
the world is infinitely better with you in it.

this is forwarded to you
no one i know owns anything
and i don't think most people i know ever will
i'm tired of bewilderment and helplessness
i want so many thing to end soon
and i know anything is possible
in moments where everything is denied
but everyday clumsy stubborn beautiful ideas
wither and rot on the vine
i'm tired of this so called state of affairs
i'm calling an end to fear and paranoia and self-intimidation
i'm done watching the world spin, as if nothing is happening at all
i'm done waiting
this is dedicated to waitresses and junkies and carpenters
to secretaries and schizophrenics and alcoholics
to the imminent societal collapse
this is dedicated to girls kissing girls
boys kissing boys
boys kissing girls
and everything that falls in between
the future is as it ever was
uncertain, bleak, beautiful
for all we know, tomorrow they might arrest us all
listen closely to the movements
ascribe adequate weight to dissidents and whisperers
some hearts only keep on beating as long as you keep on listening
try to be free
try not to be afraid
no matter what they say
the end of the world will never come.

Spent a month just writing, anything and everything that ever came to mind. During all this, I realized I'm not dead, but dying. The point is, I'm trying. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm no longer afraid. I've got nothing left to say to you. And although I know sometimes things just don't work out, I'm hoping this isn't one of them.

precariously perched
at the end of every nest
all the siblings already gone
he's the only one that's left

his parents sit and watch
with an ever watchful eye
he tells them that he's scared
and this was their reply

"we've taught you all we can
only one more thing you've left to know
if you want to learn to fly
first you need to learn how to let go"

and with that, they pushed
their baby to the world
the chick fell a couple feet
but then flew away a bird.

first through the door
but last to the bar
the night is always over
right from the start

a voice will ring out
"off with his head!"
but the joke is on her
cause i'm already dead

so i pour one out
for fairweather friends
who got caught up in love
and other violent ends

i go for a swim
and drown in my drink
with the weight of the world
"my, how fast he did sink!"

my hairs on fire and there's
no driver behind the wheel
she tells me
"i have no idea what this feels like"
and for once i know
exactly what she's talking about

it's the smell of the pillow
still warm.
it's the hair collected in the sink.
it's the ***** dishes that
no one ever bothered to clean.
it's the journal entries
of a high-school dropout.
it's the mail piling up
unopened.
it's the constant reminders of your voicemail
filled to capacity.
it's the cold steel of a knife
pressed to the throat of your reflected image.

they're digging up old bones and are surprised
to find themselves bathed in such fresh blood
reached for a smile and a hand, yet tried and found
guilty of abandon! and crucified by love
they pray for revolution, yeah they beg for change
with faces and fists raised high above
the dance for rain will soon be answered
he's making up for lost time, he's sending the flood
which of course will extinguish the light
that the burning of bridges provide
buoyed by the faith of their concrete convictions
they'll all sink the same no matter how hard they've tried

We don’t own as much as we used to; some of us wonder if we ever will again. Feeling bewildered and helpless is the new normal. We wait and watch, as all those clumsy, stubborn, beautiful ideas withering away on the vine; day in, day out. We all just want it to end, and soon.

A murmur. A rumbling. It’s moments like these where anything is possible. Hope lies, waiting, even in these days of utter and complete denial.

So, we’re calling an end to this “State of Affairs”. We’re calling an end to fear and paranoia and self-intimidation. We sick of those sitting in the chairs, watching the world spin, as if things weren’t happening. We’re done waiting.

We’d like to dedicate this to the desperate and the forgotten and the broken. This for the waitresses, the junkies, and the carpenters. The secretaries and schizophrenics and alcoholics. Those living behind enemy lines. Those who bring the war home with them. This isn’t for company men; men with families and a health-plan and a hybrid car they just “can’t risk losing”. You can’t trust a man whose welfare is just another cog, embedded into the belly of that same horrible machinery. No such man has ever lost himself in revolution. It just isn’t done.

This is for the memory of an empire, created and destroyed. Its base was built on traditions we no longer need, and values we no longer possess.
This is about those who’ve abandoned thoughts of hope and love, thoughts they so justly deserve.

Despite all this, the future remains the same as it ever was. Bleak, uncertain, magnificent. For all we know, we may be arrested tomorrow.

But we are here, now, so hear me: This is the end of whispered dissidence. This is the death of stagnation and dissonance and all that empty space. Listen close. We’ll not hesitate to sink the ship and **** the Captain.

This is for the hearts who’ve kept beating. Know that we never stopped listening. We're coming, and we're bringing change with us. This is for you. Try to be free. Don’t be afraid. I have seen the future, and I have seen better days. No matter what ‘they’ say, the end of the world will never come.




They stumble in their exaltation, rejoicing. They’ve stolen the crown. Praise be. As if that’s all that ever made a King.

i know feelings aren't easy
and it can be hard to show
but if you could find it in yourself
i'd wrap you up tight and never let you go
your words knocked the breath right out of me
you spoke with a disdain that would be hard to fake
but believe i only hid your keys
so you wouldn't drive your car into the lake
sometimes, we all get low
we all live with a pain we don't think anyone else will ever know
but i need you to try
i need you to work on yourself like a mountain on high
there's not enough treasure buried in the diamond sea
that could ever equate to what you mean to me
yeah, i miss your smile
you don't seem to laugh anymore
you smother the spark i thought we'd set
still, all i can seem to say is "what'd you do that for?"

hopping fences
under faint street lights
i mean, everybody does
picking splinters while we discuss
all the possibilities
of what will be and what was

and i know myself
better than anyone else
so save yourself

i think there's a god
and good or bad
he ignores either way
in the middle of the night
he listening with my friends
when i kneel at my bedside and pray

and i pray for myself
and everybody else
and the only one he helps
is himself

and i threw the match
and lit the funeral pyre
i prayed one final time
blew a kiss to my friends
and gave myself to the fire.

a lonely room that houses
a lonely chair that holds
a lonely man that hasn't
risen in days finds the strength to say
these walls have ears!
these walls have ears!
old man, you have no idea!
press that little life to your heart
continue to pray the pain away
your whispers leave traces
it's all that you have left
there will be no second night!
now, close those simple eyes
and burn! my god!
old man, you have no idea

i went out last night
and saw a light.
the moon stood back
and it was foggy.
your face was hard
upon the ground and
the light was everywhere.
"oh, what a loss!"
i was caught inside a coin
with a girl with flaming hair
reaching out to find what was
already in my hand
praise be! glory be!
the roots are strong and deep
figure eights til infinity.

(this was just another story.
no one is waiting for you.
there is no tree.
there no warning.
no heat.
no flash.

there are long hallways
and warm water-fountains
there is no ceiling
and you may never stop.)

swallowed up and
we're leaning on the edge
leave it behind and
remember it as lost
leave it behind and
remember it as love

eventually, no one could mourn correctly; they'd all become so accustomed to the death of children. friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. an entire generation, lost to heaven. the feeling of loss dwindled when men, women, and children learned to harden their hearts. why bother when we're all just born to leave? nowadays, the survivors live in ghost towns, shut-in and alone. sometimes, it's better not to talk about it. eventually, it's just too late.

promise me now
you'll keep you're eyes closed
when the light starts to shine
all my flaws start to show

"ignorance is bliss"
no wise man has failed to mention
enlightened second-hand, suggested
neglect leads to perfection

a smile that lights the room
a kiss to send me on my way
the promises you'll break tomorrow
the lies you tell today.

four thousand milligrams each
and i'm still not sure what to say
when you ask why i want to leave

and i listen to all your lies
as we lay beneath the stars
each representing things we've been let down by

the future is inside
it's not somewhere else
i just want to be with someone who makes me feel alive

just because we kissed on lovers lips
well that don't mean we're in love
and i have a decent idea how we've ended up like this.

maybe we're better off this way
there was always a part of me
a part from you
drifting, alone
from ocean to ocean
i'd searched the whole world
on drunken confessions
i took advantage and all the while
you prayed for jesus to forgive them
it's another long night
and another dark day
that's when i hear you say
maybe we're better off this way.

it can't ever be justice for all if you're only making amends with the things you think you love. when it's always up hill both ways. good luck, goodbye, good riddance. and the ground's always so littered with old thoughts and half-hearted prayers. some nights we gather and wonder if things will ever be the same again.

keep it like a secret
bury it safe inside your chest
give a toast to what they've taken
and cheers to what they've left

then, beget a curse
on all you tried to save
spit in the face of innocence
better a master than a slave

dampen the fire in those eyes
before you lose control
meditate on love and loss
and sacrifice that temporary soul

i can't speak for myself
but i will speak for the other
disfigured by disease and
left abandoned by her mother
fleeting glimpses
of angelic silhouettes
caught up in old
mistakes and regrets
she hold the knife and
i want to take the ride
heavy's the cost of life
and i'm not willing to die
her cup is overflowing but
she's screaming out for more
she's caught up in the fury but
i have dealt with this before
she mumbles through the verses
not blessings but curses
mesmerized by horoscope and prophecy
all that means nothing to me
there's cause for all this grief
and the dirt that's on her knees
she asks just what it means
no one can save her
from all that she's seen
memories kept warm and
safe until the end
if i can't love her as a lover
then i'll love her as a friend
harder than holding heaven
high above my head
weighed down by all
that we've left unsaid
while hope hangs from the trees
with no time left for pleasantries
dawns on the horizon
yeah, time is running out
all these second guesses
only exposing doubt
no, the kiss don't seem as sweet if
i can still taste the tears on her lips
staring off the edge, wondering
how the hell we ended up like this

some mornings, i just sit and watch the sea. the tide is some wondrous leviathan. it arrives at the same time everyday, seething with such perfect purpose. the air is fresh and the sense of potential is tangible.

and when it leaves, it takes all my troubles with it.

this hollow ground is
made for giving in
poked and prodded and
stretched too thin
as he stands on the edge
he turns to the sky
time for one more request
before he waves goodbye
"please god, grant them
all the strength in the world
especially my youngest
yeah, she's daddys little girl"
just like that
he lets go
and where he's off to
yeah, nobody knows
left an empty wallet
and a picture filled phone
thirty seconds falling
into the blazing unknown
with a glimpse of infinity
a smile graces his lips
he'd never known it'd be
as wonderful as this

you were backing out the driveway
there was love in my eyes
i was staring at the sun
you never said goodbye
not everyone gets a second chance
sometimes sorry isn't enough
the words "i","love" and "you
just don't mean as much
as they did once.
the boys are heading over
with beer and girls in tow
the music will be loud
the lights will be set low
and i could be with anyone
except the one i want
so i'll be sitting here
thinking back on that restaurant
how on our first date i spilled
coffee all over your dress
you told me not to worry
i was a nervous wreck
and if you say you never loved me
i'll know you're still a liar
and if i say i never wondered
i deserve every inch of this terrible fire.