You lay your head in your eternal bed.
Toss and Turn in the afterlife.
One breath, you open your eyes in darkness.
You focus your vision ,
realizing  your standing at the Heavenly lights.
Happy even if we are sad that your death was caused by your own hands.

I feared the dark as a child,
I feared my parents divorcing.
But mostly I feared drowning,
The water filling your lungs
Slowly suffocating you.
But now as a teenager I see drowning much differently.
I'm not being slowly engulfed in water.
No its being suffocated by self image,
Self worth.
How everyone preseves you slowly pushes your head under the metaphorical water.
Do you know how it feels to cry waterfalls cause of everyones perception of you?
Slowly drowning yourself with over thought thoughts.
The mind shoving blurs of never being enough,suicide, self harm and importantly self hatred into your brain and bones.
It's like a web of disorder is being spun around your body,
You can feel it constricted tightly into your skin cutting.
Every snicker, every glance, every whisper,
Seems to be about you.
The pure feeling of being naked infront of a room of people even If fully clothed is unbearable.
Uncomfortably, insecurity, self hate.
That's true fear.

If I stop breathing,
Don't be sad.
Cause my last breath
Gave another creature it's first gasp of air.

I would shower in two hundred degree water if I thought that it would get your touch off of my skin
I would dive into the coldest ocean in the world if it would freeze my brain just enough to forget you for a few minutes
I would shred every inch of my skin if it would somehow take away the pain I feel in my heart and my head
But that's the thing...
I can't detach from your grasp
My brain wouldn't forget you in a million years
And I have to bear the pain that feels like a thousand pounds sitting on my heart
Just because you left me

"Eyes Don't lie, like your pretty smile does"

There's a girl,
Who looks at life with such a sad expression.
She'll never let anyone look straight into her Emerald green eye's,
Cause all you'll see is her past,present, and future.
Her past holds her heart on a fish hook, cause he promised and lied.
Her present shows she's been playing the violin, except her arm is the violin and the bow is a razor.
Her future shows her six feet under.
She sheds so many tears for her pain,
The hurting consumes her little body.
She thinks about it all.
All the memories flood back at once.
She shivers and whimpers with the tears the tears staining her cheeka once more.
She looks at her reflection,
Her eye's are glowing a beautiful green.
The young girl smiles a sadistic grin into the mirror as more tears stain her pretty little face.
She whimpers one last time, then all you hear is a loud bang.
The poor girl lays lifeless on her floor, with a smile on her face and a slit across her throat.
She was only 17, but the world was to heavy for her shoulders to handle.

Every smile has a secret,
Something deep and devastating.
But nobody can tell the difference.
Stare into my eyes and you will shatter under the pressure of what you see.
I hold a dark burden within my heart,carried by my very soul.
I can look into this mirror right infront of me and see nothingness.
I hate this reflection,i hate what is staring right back at me. I just want to shatter the mirror into pieces cause thats how i truly feel.
Broken deep inside,shattered.
Nobody can fix me, I cut them and make them bleed.
But whats the use right?
Why try to love a broken mirror?