sacrificing everything to you
for nothing in return
giving so much
to lose myself

He says we're organic
Given a seed and made to grow
Or left alone

He says it needs to be watered, loved and tended to
Or left alone

He says it's just as natural to flourish as it is to wilt and die
That not every plant is made to strive
But that's why we try

I've been feeling things I don't know how to describe
I'm not sure when it happened
I feel like I'm born again, and everything is new and nothing has meaning

I'm no longer afraid of life after death
But he stands in my way

I kept on thinking about how everything felt like nothing except when I touched him
I couldn't say what I had done the day before but I could tell you in detail how his skin felt, what side of his face pulled his smile, and which hand he used to push back his hair.

When I cry he tells me he understands, but when he cries I know he doesn't
He says he believes he was meant to find me but I told him I don't believe in that
What does he know?

Forced against the couch
as skirt ascends thighs
the clang of metal and the slap of leather from behind
his ragged breath, soft satin on my spine
cruelly complacent in his sigh
plunging into depths he knows swell
with pleasure, not to be satisfied

Like the water
flowing over the tubs edge,
pooling on the floor,
and seeping through stairs
to become whole,
Like the water
I'm searching

Sweetheart, I thought of you yesterday
as I stood outside and the sun warmed my back
I recalled the way your hands roam my skin
with your lips close behind
oh the gentle warmth my sun brings
I thought of you and smiled

Sweetheart, I thought of you this morning
as I watched the steam float in wisps from my tea
I recalled the way you look at common objects
with quiet interest and serenity


I thought of you, my love
and smiled

I am not fire
I will not decompose and be taken in
I am not air
I will not blow away with the breeze
I am not Earth
I will not supply anyone with sustenance
I am water
I will dissolve, and search for the sea once my thoughts finally drown me

I strain my tired eyes to look upon my work
I sacrifice a smile to the triumph I have made
I laugh in the face of the sun, because I have won
Through my trials I have succeeded
I have proven myself the better
Now I can shut an I, now I can...rest

My heart splintered into tiny shards today
It spread throughout my body
as smoothly as the wind through the trees
I could no longer hear it beating
You had killed me

For just a moment
The only sound my ears could hear
was the heavy beating of my heart
slow and relentless
everything faded away
For just a moment

Maybe it's not important
That I feel sick to my stomach
That I should just indulge in what I have
Because nothing matters anyways
That everything is temporary
And I'm still so young
Maybe it's not important
That I want to die
That I'm so blinded by the present I don't believe in a future
Because nothing matters anyways
That everything is temporary
And I'm still so young