Akwana Wa Odera

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

I met a cousins i hadn't met in years
Changed over time,
I couldn't recognize his clanly features
With a 'hi', long time no see' intro
I played along just to get to know him more
Apparently we hadn't met for nearly
Ten years or so
No wonder i couldn't recognize him
When he called
I think he realized i had no clue
On what conversation we were on
But it wasn't my fault though
Or is it...?
He rarely travels home
Times have really passed
I envy those of us who came first
Taking a trip down memory lane
I miss when i was a kid
Back when i knew all my cousins by name
It's a shame
Right now if asked
I would only manage to name but a handful of them
Then give a bunch of excuses so lame
Of how i have no idea of where some even stay
Times have really changed
I looked around and all i see
Are cut tree stems
I contemplate if it's because
I'm now grown up
Or it's us not playing our card right
If i were to put tabs in how many times
We met chat and laughed
I'll be drunk by now
If my bet went for functions and funerals
Funny how we pretend to care
When we are never even there
I'm told we need a cause to share
We've all gone the wrong way i swear!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

#family #cousins #time

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

MY ANXIETY

I start sweating
My breath mild and heavy
My hands shaking, My palms sweaty
I'm not steady, Feeling dizzy
I'm getting uneasy, I'm going crazy
I get a panic attack for having a panic attack
At controlling myself i ****
Whatever I'm holding i tightly clutch
It's going to be a bumpy ride
My whole body starts trembling like a raging tide
I stealthily try controlling myself as i check my side
I panic again fearing them seeing me trying to hide
I'm all wet soaked in sweat and frightened like a child
I'm losing my breath my temperature is rising up
I loosen my cloths and between my friends i try to widen the gap
I try convincing myself to stand up
I cant look up
I try to loosen up
I feel a tear in my eye
I'm hurting but i have to lie
I force myself to calm down
Gulp air and breath in out a few times
Quickly wipe of the tear
Smile and pretend to be in cheers
When deep inside I'm filled with tears
A grown up full of fears
Fears if the demons within me
Fear of the me inside me
Tears from the pain i can't explain
What i face everyday they can never withstand
What i go through they will never understand
I have Anxiety! A disorder you've never had(heard)

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

#anxiety #mental #illness #panic #attack

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

You are lucky

You are lucky
To have what
You don't deserve
Too slow to act
In a flick of time
You lose what you had
It's sad
But it's life
We judge with no facts
Agreeing with unsigned
Packs
I wonder what in this
Society we lack
Living in a dilemma
Life never fails to criticize
We are brought up on lies
Sometimes i wonder why
They lecture us when
We eat fries
You don't have to light the
Whole room to be bright
The firefly has it's own light
But has never lit up
The darkest night
Out of sight
Out of mind
When i get lost in my head
I close my eyes
I'm told all my wrongs
Are documented in a file
I've been lowkey for a while
Will i ever put on a suit and a tie
Send me a confidant
I need to express my pain
And the number of times i cry
I never tire looking up
In the sky
Just mesmerized by how birds
Spread their wings and glide
With a tap on the ground
It's lifted ready to fly
Breath and stay calm
It will all be alright...
I tell myself just to relax
In attempts to make my stand
On this world.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I'm writing

#lucky #stand #world

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