i
just don't know where to begin
my heart is breaking, to my chagrin
i've been giving in to this tailspin
and everyone's falling down

lost
in my thoughts, i'm racing to die
give me a reason why i shouldn't try
a piece of my head has long gone awry
and everyone's falling down

myself
is someone i don't know anymore
haphazardly trying to even the score
but my eyes are drifting towards the floor
and everyone's falling down

somewhere
down the road i forgot to breathe
looked in the mirror and saw two of me
but now i've caught a glimpse of three
and everyone's falling down

along
the lines of retrospect
that waver between reflect and regret
i believe i may be a counterfeit...
and everyone's falling down

the
frame of my mind is weak, at best
karma is kicking my ***, i guess
it seems i'm going in a bit overdressed
still, everyone's falling down...

way
back in the back of my mind where it aches
nothing is sacred and everything breaks
but i'll fight and i'll try to fix my mistakes
and everyone's fallen down

a flame burns, dark and hot inside
underneath the crimson of my dress
melting satin with the beat of my heart
fluttering wildly against my breast
my hips sway calmly as i saunter toward you
i lift my hand to touch your cheek
then swing it back and bruise your skin
it seems you've forgotten what i seek
the guise of love, now not misplaced
your Thread of Life begins to unwind
you burnt my soul and now it's my turn
i'm just as evil, you're soon to find
the fire that now boils your blood
is the hateful fire that i have sent
reflected in my lovely blue eyes
i only said what I truly meant
i am Fury, the power that drives you
submit to me or your Fate will come
as you threatened me once upon a time
what I say tonight is what will be done

hourglass figure and blood-red sand
endlessly weaving strand after strand
toxic-black and eyes of eight
it's you she wants to desecrate

widow with a red dress, red dress on
a few more moments and you'll be gone

wrapped up tight by her white-spinneret
poison enough to drop your cigarette
venomous-clear in your bruising veins
now you might not notice the flames

widow with a red dress, red dress on
a few more moments and you'll be gone

for you was i created, by you am i unmade
five by five, what you've left of my mind
and i don't think it's a fair trade
but five by five is not near enough time
for these scars to go from inflict to fade

for you was i created, by you am i unmade
hour by hour, i fold my mind and forget
you smile at me, undeservingly, and say:
'don't get upset, don't fret, it's just a threat, my dear-
don't get saucy; get stupid, you're just a pet; lay here!'

for you was i created, by you am i unmade
bruise by bruise, it happens too soon
-these marks are not always displayed
much like confetti; my psyche is strewn
pattern on the floor in the shape of a blade

+--|-|>>>>>>>

{for you was i created, by you am i unmade}

ancient memory; gemini epiphany
one of II II never ever sever never
severed; halved, cast inII the void
spinning spun in space & stunned
far-flung from her, i'd clung II her
the glass on the wall only lies now
it shows me me, not she.... not we~
emptiness breathes beside me now
flying half-blind w/o her by my side
fingertips extended & life upended
searching for that cadence of pulse
body memory; rhythm so like mine
i can still feel her hands, her prints-
the sound of her sighs so like mine
the ethereal feel II the fluidity of us
but i'm split in twain & she's unreal
i understand but i want her so bad
why do i miss what i've never had?

strange it seems and stranger still
that one can lie at one's own will
you overfill your wretched cup
with floods of words that don't add up
inserting truths to pick up slack
and all because you can't keep track

strange it seems and stranger still
that one can cry at one's own will
it burns your eyes and swells your cheek
you've engineered a new technique
another means toward artful deceit
but soon you'll accept your own defeat

strange it seems and stranger still
that one can die at one's own will
slip the noose tight 'round your throat
three minutes and that's all she wrote
three minutes to remiss your sin
with your last breath you lie again

i'll take you to the brink
with teasing playful pushes
and then one that means it
you'll fly for just a second
---- then drop
but there will always be that one fragile branch to catch your spinning thoughts
---- and maybe your hands....

i'll take you to the brink
to a place where minds meet and grind against the blackness that sits in the darkest corner you've ever wept in<<<>>>i'll stretch your senses to cover uncovered things and break you down into what you need to be

i'll take you to the brink
and you'll {eventually} collide with me
you will hate me for what i've done to you
---- to your head
but you will love me for it
i can push every one of your buttons
i guess i'll have to push you again...

i'll take you to the brink
this time you'll want to jump but something upstairs says NO whether it be the monster in the attic or god himself
so i guess i'll have to push you
watch you fall to catch that blesséd branch and nearly die trying to get that
last
breath
in
before you fall- but you won't
i won't let you fall
i just like watching you fly for that one second
over
and
over
and
over
and
down and down and up................................

i attract the broken
for the broken find in me
a mending to their edges
that mine will never see

{when half is lost
and half is bound
the aching left
is right profound}

the broken come magnetized
their dead eyes mesmerized

i pour what i can into them and i cry
that is what it's like to be a gemini
for the other half of me doesn't exist
i can feel her, she's holding my wrist
yet the air beside me begs to differ
-shrug off the notion and the shiver
she's not even out there/she's out there
LOOK!
hiding somewhere with her head in a book
i'll find her one day in this mess of matter
this pool of issues and stray souls a-tatter
until then, i'll sort through the broken
that find their miserable way to my door
and if her edges could possibly match mine
there's a she that's me enough to fall for

the broken come magnetized
their dead eyes mesmerized

{when half is lost
and half is bound
the aching left
is right profound}

i attract the broken
for the broken find in me
a mending to their edges
that mine will never see

Dearest fair Lilith, impure and horned
The same indeed we both have scorned
For Adam, as well, did not intend to forsake
But your luscious beauty were all it did take
And what of Eve, who could not imagine such sinistry
She got just one taste of you and abandoned her ministry

Dominus Deus above, bearing good tidings and wrath
And Malus Infernus below, with all his pitiful chained
Together they attempted to divert us from this dire path
Yet neither could keep us prisoner against the preordained

So, with bells and umbrellas we skipped straight out of Eden
Hand in hand now we stroll among the bruised and the beaten
Too many souls perished when we were denounced as forbidden
This shall be a lesson to learn not to believe what is written
Now entangled in each other and quite merrily depraved
Lilith and Eve cannot ever be saved...

paradoxically sick
poisoned through my satin-coated IV drip
drip drip drop, the minutes mirror hours
zero is one lonely number
illusory illness
poisoned so my fevered mind can undress
but then there was two, don't think i don't see you
i beg with non-moving lips

falsified delirium
you touch my deadened nerve endings, shiver...
my body bends not for you, but for your vile liquid
i will let you unfold me

(burn) and recoil
don't get too close
don't raise your glass to catch
your rapidly evaporating tears

t'would be a waste
for an ardent taste
of the yellow (hazy) heated blaze
that stings your (weighted) wavering gaze

<i>le soleil ira l'obscurite
le soleil ira le ce soir sombre
le soleil est á jamais et jamais</i>

so ignite not the fire-
run not toward the light-
but dance (around) the sun instead
tiptoe (hush) watch where you tread

a breath of light, a glint of life
a torrid fever this way comes
don't get too close
(burn) and recoil...

I / pour liquid words into an empty threat


(watch it (them) flow downward and swirl)


I / drop a few cold stares into your glassy eyes


(****- i lost my train of thought before
i even took a sip of this reality-check)


okay...


I / swallow bottles of your hostility and-


(i would swear that it was you that loved me before all this...)


...chase it with a shot of desperation


I / shudder at the potency of my blurred (thoughts) vision


I / might choke on bravado and an ice cube or two

and...


(i would swear that i had split my tongue on your sharp edges before)


but...


I / will detox myself with this 90 proof lingual disaster


(do you love me when i fall down?)


"I'd like my scotch on the rocks, please."

how wounded is my psyche when all is set adrift?
i think it true/it must be true; else it wouldn't exist
how branded is my brain with smolder-marks of you?
forever within me, you were like second skin to me
yet distanced by emotions running too high to be
quelled, dispelled, erased, removed or replaced...
i can't bear to think too hard, my dear~
one drop of you would make it all crystal
clear out my records, file cabinets in my head
down(loaded) recollection lane of memory instead
broken:solemn is my tongue as this fervor amasses
and it hurts to touch these now-disjointed flashes
but i touch them everyday, i touch them every, every...
time only ends up twisting me far worse on the inside
rate my heart at my heart rate's jump-sudden incline
you were never mine (you never were)
but you should have been (i wouldn't let you in)
but i should have back then, i should have...
listened to my heart and avoided this mess
unwillingly was i supposed to suppress you
these sensory memories are becoming affliction
the musicolors of your voice hasten forth unrestricted
eight years is too much time for us to have spent apart
if you still have my letter, then you still have my heart