I don’t want to be the one who knew and didn't say anything.
It hurts
I don't want to be the one who has to tell all our friends
Because it hurts
I don't want to mark a date on the calendar or visit your grave on every birthday you have
Because. it. Hurts.
I Do Not want to listen to a song we once shared and cry instead of you sitting next to me and singing along
It ******* hurts
I don't want to sit at your grave for hours on end because you're not here in person
It hurts
I don't want to call a stone my bestfriend because you are so much more.
God it would hurt.
I don't want to watch your family cry, i don't want to tell your girlfriend and watch her break down
It hurts
I don't want to think back on memories and cry when we could be making new ones…
I love you and i know you're upset
And it hurts
I know I'm being selfish but this time I won't apologize because it's what I needed to do to keep you alive.
And god that hurts..

I wish to be free like those birds you see up in the sky in the morning daylight. Oh to be a bird. Flying so high where nothing can touch me, just barely high enough to touch the clouds..
But i'm stuck
Here on the ground listening to the sound my mind makes when it overthinks. This body feels like a battle ground.  my mind, the enemy and I the soldier. Battling these fears that weigh me down
This battle ground is scarred and inside burning like a wildfire, the flame climbs higher inside.
I feel like a waterfall overflown with tears but I have none left to cry.
I am stuck.
Playing a role, a person I don't recognize any more.
Where is that little girl excited to live, the one that let everything blow over her head?
She's stuck.
In me begging to be freed, i am sorry little me for pushing you away and locking you in this cage i call myself
We’re stuck.
I feel like a thorned rose stabbing anyone who gets too close, it's dangerous playing with plants and I choose the wrong ones to plant.
I feel heavy like water is weighing me down, like I'm holding a pound of bricks sometimes.
Though dying is so much easier. Then living no living is way harder.
I fight with myself to survive because I don't wanna die.
I'm stuck
Where the only escape seems to be sleep. These dreams take me on journeys where I know who to be .
I'm tired of being me, I'm tired of everything but I keep pushing. Even though it seems i'm not trying.
I'm stuck, stuck
Is all i say when i need to help myself instead of staying away from problems i need to face but
At the same time i still feel
Stuck…

My father is a bear, like a bear he would do anything to protect his cubs.
My father is a bear wild, unpredictable a body full of malice and hate,
A mind that never stops running
through these woods we call life
My father wants to hurt the world because it hurts him but, Deep down I see this rising feeling A slight possibility of the happiness he needs.
My dad is no monster but he's still not good
the negativity that comes from him speaks volumes
but then again this man can be so kind so maybe he's more then cold inside but then again you don't seem
to get what you're doing .
your words and actions hurt feelings your loudness and shouts used to shake houses, anger powerful enough to knock down trees,
that's the truth and I know it's hard to see I don't write this to spite you but poems are feelings.
I used to fear you and now i'm just like you, the anger rushes through my veins with nowhere to go, I see why you act like you do and I apologize for everything you go through.
I love you but my voice is not being heard, I am in your shadow but I don't wanna follow your steps
Dad understand I have nothing against you but I refuse to be you and I will not go down that path