Crazy, crazy
this is my answer true
I'm half crazy
all for the lack of you
I don't need a ton
no I only need one
A little bite
to work just right
And get me away from blue

Goin out of my mind
with thoughts of unpleasantries
wish to leave behind
all these memories

Body is in haywire
from lack of medication
scars now she must acquire
trying to take some action

Unable to sit still
and just be at one with the moment
wonder who's will
would be on such a hunt

Unfair to be so miserable
and at war with oneself
scary the things inside this skull
and the things it wants to do to itself

Mommy yells and she screams
more now that she stopped drinking
I thought she'd be better
but what was I thinking?

Mommy's always been angry
at the dogs or at me
Sometimes I'm just playing
and she comes in screaming

Mommy seems so sad
sometimes glued to the couch
I try to ask what's wrong
her only reply is "ouch"

Where did Mommy go?
Will she come back to me?
Is this being passed down?
Will my children hear screams?

I hope Mommy comes back
and the doctors fix her head
I'm so tired of being scared
and hiding underneath my bed

I still love my mommy
you know I always will
but Mommy's disease is
a silent thing that kills

Can’t stand the way I feel inside
emotions running untamed and wild
My head keeps spinning as my mind races
like a troubled and unruly child

Wish to sit for only a minute
and be at one with myself
But I don’t even know who I am
no longer the picture on a shelf

Brain in a fog and mind a wreck
these feelings now out of control
Body going haywire from the mess
just waiting for sanity to unfold

Wake up
it's 6:00 AM
yet another night
you've ***** me again

Hips are aching
mind in a fog
all I can think about
is the way you got off

Using me for pleasure
that's all you've ever done
so tired of these nights
and the battles you've won

Want to end it all
and be free from your grip
this has been exhausting
and such a grueling trip

Don't want to be your toy
or used for such sick things
want to rest easy instead
of fearing what sleep brings

Lay down
it's 10:00 PM
afraid to sleep
here we go again

Nightmares and terrors
you're knocking on my door
"Hello again
my ***** little *****."

Or race around the maze
I never can escape
if you catch me
my body you'll undrape

Somebody wake me
someone set me free
I'm so tired of fighting
my night time enemy

Addiction or coping
what have we become?
As I sit with blade in hand
hoping to go numb.

It seems to take more
than what it used to be,
deeper go the slices
crimson rolling over me.

All I see is red
with tear-soaked cheeks
droplets form to rivers
which used to be creeks.

No way to stop now
is this addiction or coping?
One day I'll put down the blade
or so I keep hoping.