I am getting lost in a world I do not belong in.

Do you think they will know that I am not one of them?

But what if I am one of them?

Will they ever know?

Eyes meet,
heart fleets.

Just for a short moment.

The ambiguity of my eyes locking with those of stranger is one that I can never get used to.

What was laced in your eyes, what did you want to tell me that you were too scared to say?

Was it the colour of my eyes on warm summer's day,
or the beauty my child's smile in a rainy may?

Was it your desire to walk up to me and say hello,
or your sudden interest in the confidence I walked with?

Eyes meet,
hearts fleet,
the awkwardness that comes with knowing you have met eyes with a person you were not meant to be looking at,
the pain that stings in your heart after locking eyes with the one you owe an apology to because of your selfish morality.

Eyes meet and suddenly flutter away, look of annoyance plastered on my sister's face, saying, "can I help you?"
"Why are you staring at me?"

If I had a son, I would name him Eliakim, so that the Lord may establish him in His ways, raising him up to be a mighty man of valour who seeks after the Lord's heart in all things.

If I had a son, he would be named Eliakim so that the Lord may raise him up in a time of frivolity and purify him in the land he sits in.

If I had a son, I would name him Eliakim so that he would leave a good example for his brothers and sisters who will come after him.

No, but imagine I came face to face with the people who read my poems; the people who saw my heart and unveiled emotions.

Imagine if the people who read my poems where given a bird's eye view into my life's totality.

Would you love me with every inch of your soul as I have relinquished the rights to my vulnerability by letting you see me in my full entirety?

No, but imagine if you saw the one I had written about , would you know it was him?
Would you think back to the pain in my poems and along with the bird's view of my life and know that it was he who I was talking about?

No, but imagine if you read my poems and it left a mark on your heart.
But with the same pained tears laced in my words, you tore the heart of  another being's child.

Imagine if my life comes to an end all that was marked was wistful words with no true meaning.

Today marks the 2nd Anniversary since my baptism in my Lord Jesus Christ.

I am grateful God has brought this far,
I remember tripping on the night of my baptism.

I was filled with regret and shame because I had just consecrated myself in His spirit.

Since then God has shown me that this walk is a journey, my tounge may speak death at times but it is His word and His spirit who renew my words.

My thought life may contradict His truth but I will, and I am constantly transformed by renewing of my mind by His word.

I am changed because I choose to not remain the same.
I changed because the public proclamation of my faith placed a covering over my being.

So here's to you Lord, the one who has carried me through, I thank you...

I'll go first,

Growing up, there was a huge emphasis on marriage in my community.
Everything I watched was about love,  lust and relationships, this was all I consumed.

Later on in life,  I began to crave affection and attention from many if not all the males in my life.

This lead me into a spiral of thinking that every male I had an interaction with was going to be my husband.

We listen and we don't judge...