Knocking on the door

Fragile knuckles on cold metal

Unable to find warmth

Lacking of any worth

Hidden in the crowd

Alone with everyone around

Someone else wears my crown

Wish I could say I was proud

I'll smile through tears that are hard to tame
Why must the depth of my love be measured
by how much I can endure in it's name?

"You're so talented"
Until they find out it's because writing is the only way to keep me from losing sanity

"You're so mature"
Until they find out it's because i was forced to grow up way too fast

"You're so responsible"
Until they find out i ran away at 13

"You're such a good friend"
Until they find out i have a different personality for each one of them

"You're so helpful"
Until they find out that no matter what i do, i can't say no

"You're such a good Christian"
Until they find out i'm gay

"You're such a pretty girl"
Until they find out i'm not even a girl

"You're such a good brother"
Until they find out i almost killed mine

"You're so strong"
Until they find out i almost gave up

A notebook in my hand
A Monster in the other
What would think of me,
My precious absent mother?

Would she be proud?
Or rather dissapointed?
The answer is neither.
She wouldn't care.