From you I learnt
that true love was
and endless cycle
of hello and good night.

Yet you and I
were stuck in a vortex
of stay and goodbye.

I wish I didn't know you
but it hurts too much when I don't
forever lost in this paradox
you keep slipping and making me watch
because I could never help you
you are too far gone

circling the same questions in my mind
not being able to answer just how we got here
thinking about you makes me sick
especially knowing how much time I have spent
waiting, understanding, giving you chances
it should have killed me

I may have lost all reasoning as to why I exist.

I think realized why
realized why I cry
when you complimenet
me

you are pulling out
the blades
stuck in my heart
and it hurts

this sweet pain
it hurts
the best way
it could hurt

At one point he realized that if he hugged me hard enough our hugs don’t last as long

It reminds me of the way some people take pills
if you take enough all at one time
perhaps the dosage will be strong enough
to run through your blood like runners in a race
to blissfully declare that it’s all for nothing and nothing for all
that the feeling of my shoulderblades cracking under pressure
is better than overdosing on pills

It reminds me of the way some people gorge on food
because if you eat it all as fast as you can
it takes a few minutes before your stomach feels that its too much
and if you wait to puke it all up in the bathroom of your school after lunch
maybe the feel of ***** and the burn in your throat
is worth the taste of all that food
that you ate too fast to enjoy it

It reminds me of the way some people use their orajel
because if you sit there are you numb one spot
all the other aches are suddenly so appearant
because all of you hurts, doesn’t it?
Not just one tooth, but all the others
and if you numb the one distracting you
suddenly your whole mouth is in disarray
and you hurt everywhere

It reminds me of life support
because a machine pumping what you were born with into your body
reminds me of the way I cling like a child to their mother’s skirts
to you as if you were my only living teddybear
because I know that if you were to walk away one day
I could go on living
and that fact alone makes it that much likely
that you’ll stay even longer

because I don’t think I need you
but I want you around anyway

And every time I think of you,
I think about an unfinished dream and not knowing
whether to fight for it or just leave it like that
and forget it like it would just fade away like
morning dew.

And every time I think about that unfinished dream,
I think of murmuring your name
on your ear while
we're lying on a field full of sunflowers
and kissing the spring rain and summer air because
our love is in the air all over and
again.

And every time I think I will fight for it,
fight for us,
I think of your sweet lips and
your radiant smile you'll show me everyday.
But then I think that maybe you don't feel
the same way as I do,
maybe it's just unrequited and
I'll bury myself in a wallow of shame and broken dreams
Or maybe you love me too?
But then, we will stand against the world
with your palm fits in mine
with thunderstorms and mother nature
try to tear us apart
when forget-me-not blooms among the gentleness of dandelions.

And every time I think I will just leave it like that,
I think of those nights I will spend regretting
the missed chances to hold your palms and
to stare deep inside your pupils,
my favorite objects in this whole universe