I can taste him in certain air pressures
I can see him through the fog
When it gets too dense, I feel his hands around my neck again

And God, does it feel amazing
How he takes my breath away

If I didn't have a li(f)e to live
a job to work + bass to play
                   approval to earn/crave/earn/crave again

I could just be like Annie
                        
                                  ­talk to the flies

I approach the bridge as the cool California air gives me one last bitter sweet kiss I stare down at the ocean below the way people eye
the stars at night  
"soon" I tell my self as my mind races back to happy times
In that moment I almost walk away but the thought passes when I check my phone and the butterflies begin to build to the point my chest feels like its about to burst open
how did it come to this you with him and once again me all alone
the white hot flame of sadness has been ignited and raindrops erupt from my eyes
  I turn and look away from the water one last time and for a second i just watch all the cars drive by thinking about how many with spend their night arguing with a spouse or playing with their kids
I smile though I may not experience this myself the idea that I might brings a dismal smile to my face as I climb the railing of the bridge I smile big with tears sprinting down my cheeks  and with that I let go like a falcon about to ****** it's prey I fall racing to the blue concrete impact to shatter my bones

She drew out his desires
with the shape of her smile
and the colors of love
that she wore on her lips
and her voice was soft and sultry
and her dark sweet eyes
hypnotized and seduced his flesh in places
that made him blush
and he wanted to know the secrets
she kept between the letters of her name
as each syllable felt like a prayer
as they left his mouth
and he whisperd them again and again
until they became a mantra
to the goddess she was
beneath the curves of her skin
and he offered his heart
to sacrifice for her pleasures
and his life was hers to drain
and release and spill out
as he laid next to her
and lost in her
where he wanted to stay
and never be found

I cut myself
to see the blood
the contrast of red to the white
surface
to check
if there is still a heart beating
underneath the smooth
finish

I cut my children
but they don't notice
it is more like mental cropping.
I cut emotions
into bitesize portions
they can play with
and learn to become good
cutters themselves

My husband is a cutter too
he cuts attention
into little appetizers of affection
and serves it around
wearing a big generous smile
the biggest pieces are reserved
for the screen
and the xbox controller

I cut myself open
online
words gush out of the open wound
luring predators to feed
on dangerous conversations
inviting the Devil to join
as I don't trust the angels
who once lured me into this...