Hey,
I don’t know about you
But I may be 22
Before I feel like reading this again
And remembering how things once were

Depression, Jealousy, Nostalgia, Inferiority, Rejection, Hopelessness, Friends, Hurt, Sleepless Nights, Anxiety, Shame, and Wanting to Crawl Into a Box to Escape the Pain of Living.

Oh, and Love too, I guess.

Your happy box is bigger than most.
What?
It’s true.
The little box that lies in your heart and holds your smiles and laughs is bigger than most.
Your happy box is decorated.
With flowers and sunshine and little hearts.
And there is no lock,
because it is open to the world.
My happy box was normal sized.
But my sad box was larger.
And I kept it locked.
Only you had it’s key.
You would open up my joy, and fill me with memories.
And then it grew.
With every hug it got larger.
With every kiss it grew more colorful.
And now my happy box is bigger than my sad box.
But my love box is bigger than both.

Im sitting here like it was yesterday.
It wasn't.
Duh.
My nails weren't black yesterday
I wasn't as insecure yesterday.
But even though I got new habits.
And new records.
And a new reason to feel sad.
I feel like nothing has changed.
He is still complaining.
She is still annoying.
And I am unamused.
So I ask myself why.
Why is the past so prominent.
Why is the present so dull.
Why can't I change it.
But I give up.
Like I always do.
And I complain about it.
And I call it poetry.

It's been one year since I admitted that missed you.
And I know I ****** up.
And I know it wasn't just me.
And I know so much has changed,
And I want to keep you close.
It's been so perfect with you by my side.
We can do this.
I know we can.

I'm in love with Bella Caglar.

Tonight was perfect.
Arctic monkeys in the background.
Us together on the ground.
Smiling uncontrollably.

You, my dear, are perfect.
You make me feel loved.
You make me love to love.
You make me feel okay to feel good.

Thank you for everything.

Another way to say I need help is to say “I’m fine.”