I know you're hurtin'
So am I
I think it's time
To say goodbye
We must admit
Our love's a lie
I can not love you
If you won't try

I will not share you
With someone else
You can not know
The pain I felt
Like a whipping
From a leather belt
When you kissed him
My heart did melt

It's time that we both went our own ways
There's no trust left in our lives
The love we had is gone for good
I can see that in your eyes
There is no way to start again
What we had once now is gone
It's time we went our own ways
And admit that we are done

A cheater cheats
This I learned
This time it is my cheek
That's turned
Another relationship
is burned
A cheater cheats
It's now my turn

I could see
deep in your eyes
A love you could not
help disguise
For someone else
And not for I
Let's end this game
And say goodbye

It's time that we both went our own ways
There's no trust left in our lives
The love we had is gone for good
I can see that in your eyes
There is no way to start again
What we had once now is gone
It's time we went our own ways
And admit that we are done

the new season came without you
this year,
felt like the sun was in my eyes the whole
time
and bugs crawling through my skin eating me alive
last winter was only warm because you wrapped me in your
clothes when my skin would raise goosebumps
i loved you in all of these seasons, two springs
two summers
one winter and one fall.

"let the dead bury the dead"
how?
how do you just bury a whole year
of loving someone when they were only
aware of you loving them for 1/3 of it?
how do you just throw out all the memories
just like that?
the only thing im burying is my head under
the sea of blankets to hide the shame i
carry every day knowing i let the love
of my life slip through my hands.

There's over a million letters like this one I'm about to write, but this one is very specific.

I've played games of tag,
the game of tag that I call "you're going to be my problem now"
hundreds of burdens that I loved to take on;
my favorite was the type that was heartbroken.
maybe I could fix them,
I could be their savior!
no no, well I could try to show them love
the definition of
unconditional love;
loving someone regardless of what they appear as.

that never really did me any good
I did that for 20 years
"your pain is mine now,"
I'm now 21 and I'm learning the definition of
self love;
caring about yourself unconditionally.
releasing the ones who won't let you grow

the ones who never reach out when you're screaming for help
but only a comfortable excuse to manipulate you
and tell you that you're
in capable of being loved.
I didn't forget that one.

the ones who use you as a verbal punching bag
and imagine you as their mirror to yell at
themselves.

its been a couple of weeks now and I learned
that I know where my heart is and where I want
it to be,
and lord knows it's never going back down.

down where it once was dragged for many years.

i was driving to a gathering
the other night and realized the cancers of my
life were sifted out almost completely
I think that was the first time I cried
tears of joy.

It's only up from here, baby.

I feel the summer heat rising through my pores
I'm day dreaming of the nights where
I can count the star constellations and compare them to things you've said to me

I've called the shooting stars old friends
the ones who brought me to realization, which I thank constantly for.
They'll take me back to a place I called home for a long time,
but that home is far condemned now
And I have become a nomad within my heart
for I have allowed myself to walk the streets of the outside of my home
and saw the definition of condemned when I looked at the youth of the ******
maybe this is a cry for help,
or maybe it's just what you wanted me to see

I get it, but I signed the paperwork to knock down the home for safety
I mean; who would want to live in a home that gives you heartache every time you walk through the door way?

Well, as far as I know
The shooting stars have said they've found blue prints for me
'It's an idea, you see'
They showed me what a safe house was,
It has blue window panes and a fence
Where the other had an off-green window pane and looked like world war 2 happened all around and inside.
'I know you don't know much about repairs and new, but maybe this is best for you. Ya know?'
Maybe you're right,
but all I know is fear and uncertainty.

It's an idea,
I'll read through these notes later.

I let the television play as I write
So I can forget all the static in my brain so I can forget all the buzzing in my ears
So I can forget all the thoughts running over and over.
You’re a rerun I’ve grown tired of but you’re on a channel I can’t get rid of.
I’m stuck and I wonder if I’m stuck on you or-
If maybe I just ran out of batteries.
I think your empty chatter feeds the emptiness more than the blood does in my veins.
You’re the sort of memory etched on my flesh that I turn the television on to forget.

I placed my phone beneath my pillow

Hoping that you’d call 

Just to tell me how you watched the sunrise this morning 

And how you’ve been homesick 

So I can tell you to come home 

And welcome you with open arms 

To let you know

That even if it were five years from now
It’s always been you