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586 · Jan 2021
so it is saying
Niel Jan 2021
Cigarettes seem so desperate to me
      sometimes I smoke too
   and that concretizes it more
messages seem to imply it being
        my doom, or an exit plan
     if I decide to go that route
I am increasingly reducing
     so I tell myself it’s a step
  and it is, but more of a stall
knowing well that it’s time to
               not wait, what is tragic
       is that maybe it’s just the way
  I am strong, and I am weak
we all pretend and kid ourselves
  about destinies beyond mortalities.
seeing a bold truth, or bearing witness
to certain experiences of faith
gives new gains, adds more weight
       to proposals within expressions
Nonsense
465 · Nov 2020
Shekinah-nah-nah-nahnah
Niel Nov 2020
The Shaktic Yonied con-i-cative chronicle
Receptive magical majesty
Why do I insist to refuse the image
Which given to all for a being
I must, I must. but lust for sustenance
Greed gleamed gem, imaginative benefits
Illustrious acceptances held in receptacles
Analogous referrals for smarmy mastication
She: What a Be. The present of this presence
Shaking her out, letting go of these pretense
And obligative fashions
Of latching ons, to momentary ideals
Peeling them down, because permanence is the illusion

The banana tastes better without the Denial
Whittling woodwork
The sawdust agrees
We push, we push forth.. Hesitant to be forceful
Yet sometimes that's the force in it's own manifestation
When's the plan the being, and the being the plan?
Over exhausting contemplative complications
Isn't just a bean plant To eat the seed
And relish in her nourishment
But that want can be that active fault-line
Tectonically rupturing this productive structure
Impatience of the anticipating ambition
Crumbling foundation of her imaged experience

Perception is the adversary of all this malarkey
Projecting the doubt filter on how perceiving this reality
Realization of creation, the constant remembrance to strive
What's the precidence and where's my mind to?

Blind me!   Blind Me!

To forget the exhaustive duty

        Her beauty is so suiting
    Long to fruit.

To be swooned so soothingly
460 · Nov 2020
Opinions: the self-betrayer
Niel Nov 2020
The self-pitying poor me’s
That restless selfish agenda
Spreader spoiled butter
                              on a fine piece of toast
The boastful explanation
                            on a beautiful landscape
It needs no explaining
And interpretations are
subjective speculations only
Nothing of a permanent fixture
As is with a and the cycle proceeds
My feeding seems undone and useless
Fits feel necessary but I don’t have the space
And never will because
Excuses are easy to come by
What’s the point anyway?
The anointing paradoxes
all lead to the same Sufferings
Opening my arms to embrace it
But nearly everytime
The struggle’s met with more of the same
The fight in a boxful of mirrors
All showing those beautiful flaws
Of which I’d rather frown at,
                      than spring a chuckle
And I am a cuckold in all this
Because I grasp the branch
                  while being pulled in a current
Instead of letting the river release me
454 · Nov 2020
Feline fumblings(ii)
Niel Nov 2020
..What was meant was never said and what is satiable isn’t fed upon. Long to be that faun in a misty meadow, lounging at dawn on the grass, gazing upon the peaks of eternity. What are we learning and what’s with the misuse? We tenderly abuse that which we dwell on. Claiming it a love letter, when a Better view reveals(in a peeling manner) that these are just clingings of a scrotal piercing fashion. Latching to these attachments as sacraments of dependability, nullifies valued spectacality. The pureness to the core of reality and the mess is a beautifully delicious birthday cake which never ends
424 · Dec 2020
dots
Niel Dec 2020
not every word beginning with ‘t’
                          means the same
            but they all must be crossed
                   seems to represent human
      and politics takes humanity
                  out of social change
                   progress is subjective
  holding keys only for a point of reference
                    which is just a point
          within a point, which is only all
            just a referential hypothetical
Niel Jan 2021
In some sense,
we’re all proportionately configured
if we will grow,
to be with adjustment’s ideation

solidity is not a beautiful thing
when mixed with fearful rigidity
a hex is really just a RUDE blessing

    Till we strut, shan’t we be living
Please Pass the pickled Beets
351 · Feb 2021
F
Niel Feb 2021
F
The yoga of the west
is a sort of cellization
Splitting it up ad infinum
contrary to the look
if properly observed
shows the intricate similes
bound in each island sect
335 · Feb 2021
stop, just please stop
Niel Feb 2021
If we don’t extinguish the bitters
  the chance of harvest will turn a cold
for such is a barren, and ex to fertile


    talk to yr enemy, learn to look
  past yr shaming, understand
look at yrself, stop being cows
because a mob is a mob no matter
      and mind ceases to see
if it only looks at feelings
as boundaries to grow in
328 · Jan 2021
please pass compassion
Niel Jan 2021
I’m not a genius but sometimes
words come out through me
     and say what I can not say
holding firmness inside a rhythm
that presses certainty
        though my bias taints me
it also grounds my lofty
for I find home in  all the lovely
in as well with grotesque malitions
       the burn of disagreement being
a fire of purification
       to love, for what the f... matters
    my view is just as ridiculous and
  if I see through to out of my bother
        my love expands, and the room became
that much bigger, with a larger crowd
  of lov-ed families
316 · Nov 2020
Slugs
Niel Nov 2020
Residual slime trails amongst
endless concrete plains
An excretion from yr mucus membrane
What an odd mechanic be your(yr) existence
Catching rays which may also be yr doom
And the shines glimmer on the dews
Shiny tip-tops: behold the grass towers
A city of stars along the lawns
Fowl performing melodies
Searching for a tempo, breaks the beat
Because it’s intrinsically
there, within, everywhere
290 · Nov 2020
Forklifted medileys
Niel Nov 2020
Consistency is a king who refuses to grow up.

    Dig in.
Chew a little  
   That’s it
Niel Jan 2021
I’m proposing a new marketing scheme
it’s technology way beyond our comprehension
the numbers don’t fit
             in the way that we understand
   ..but apparently our math is all wrong
Nonsense
271 · Nov 2020
Notes(ii)
Niel Nov 2020
Ponder this well to understand more clearly

       that what we have as life

                is many-hued reflections
271 · Nov 2020
portion(song?)
Niel Nov 2020
Shrimps in the water of the sky


Lost my boots inside of a dried well
Cracked caked mud hold the fossils of my time

Hey darling, do you wanna
Oh my darling would you wanna

..
252 · Nov 2020
oh ye! mighty sweaters
Niel Nov 2020
in a sense we're just a present tense expulsion
Refuting the rhythms, playing escapism
     Thr'out's weaving flawless textures
       Mapping exact, luminous essence of gold

Purity reign,
                        process.
                         ­           symbol.
                                              ­inferred.

--So it's like, no matter whom or what, we happen upon is a reference and different aspect of yrself, having its own experience. Trying to figure out certain levels of understanding, depending on their function of balance.

                  That's a mighty sweater
                    to be displaying on that pop-up ad.
              And it's a ****** shame, somethings
                      even have to be mentioned
230 · Feb 2021
Ain Soph Aur
Niel Feb 2021
I watch you as you do
we figure and I glue to it
small simples, lowly tries
as tears stream to break
and settles, wiley
pried open, the shopper lurks
products glow, seems too real
luster bursts and courts
to configure as topspin
directs, sets and disperses
this I see, selective
and the curse it churns
to pours so seeply.
223 · Dec 2020
Uh
Niel Dec 2020
Uh
i have this scene in my head
kind of like the dogs playing poker
jesus and the buddha are playing pool
jesus’ asking ‘what should i do?’
guatama ‘tell them y’re god?’
it’s not really of my usual taste
but in a sense that could be a lie too
217 · Feb 2021
J****(you know)
Niel Feb 2021
I figured we’d happen upon a conflict
and figure to grow independently shared
in interdependence, because we seemed
to puzzle, you know? But maybe
                             I start seeing
                      y’re probably a faerie
                the way like gossamer
               the filament image shift
               and how you waved it away
              and I looked to see it
                  wondering.


         you could be writing this, I do believe
            and I cried, just not at present
           definitely later
         it’s strange to probe
          unlock my yearn, mast assuredly
         symbol my consort, in equal means
             and y’re painted in perspective
             and if I don’t shove to make you
                        inside by hopes
                          or desires that crawl
                       responsibilities to fold unto

          There’ll be other answers
        falling apart to the turning
        machines driving, fine tuned
            to rubbage materials
           hoping to find it, silly Mr.
         you fellow humble arrogantor
212 · Nov 2020
Qliphoth(not)
Niel Nov 2020
Like a collapsing tool
who’s pieces are smaller tools
Making other tools, made of smaller ones
        Spiraling out ad infinum
Spreading out past their nonexistant boundaries
until there becomes a faint orange glow..
                                                          ­      All over.
          And over again.
Until it’s gathered to assignment all presence
Then it turns into a tool of tools, over defined and sparingly malignant.
          Over turning on itself and holding grudges
Striking insets of childish nature
While springs and leaves hold their settings
Meta morphosis exhausting possibilities in a lovely fashion
          Crisp dews and inner faerie gather
A collection of fierce love helping itself to every serving with little consequence
210 · Nov 2020
Cephalopod: a high ideal
Niel Nov 2020
We harmonize
together sometimes
still, on mountainous hill-
sides, when the winds blow
together and echo through caves,
canyons. Hollow logs. Presented darknesses:
wolves, foxes..    Thieves, betrayers. Energies
are so varied, if only we could download an imprint of their view. What would it seem? I can’t imagine ever being absolute on aspects, ideas, ideals. Anymore at least. I guess that’s
just my current absolute.

I resist, intents I set,
out of cowardice

Fear to unify
Shaken down the road
Solid monad. Brittle tendrils

Sweet the senses, share intense
to procure inclusion, boundless plenties
prone incisions unfold yr own rhythms
emboldening, appreciating in an expansion
pressing, but really, more of a soft glide
of understanding for the thrill
209 · Feb 2021
CAN
Niel Feb 2021
CAN
Just know that you can do it
if you feel like you can’t
well maybe that’s just not it
or maybe you need to wait
but don’t feel ashamed of it
because it can come back
as what you remembered
or something different
and you can still do it
because that’s what you do
so it may be said
that’s what y’re here to do
193 · Nov 2020
Positions
Niel Nov 2020
Our premeditations are spontaneous happenings
           Expressing itself in tense repititions.
                     naggingly, seemingly stuck in ruttage
             but really a strategy of suggestedness
         In a select position.
                     Spinning ideas collected for comfort
    A platter of minute individualistics
               Not so plain to see
                    But relevant anyway
192 · Nov 2020
I am a psychologist
Niel Nov 2020
When I see a person
     Any person
Someone I like, someone I don’t like
(More so even withe latter
For they show me aspects of myself
That I may not want to recognize
Posting a challenge to strengthen and grow)
      I see the pain I am faced with
          In seeing this, forces move in
    With intent to heal
               Break habit and soothe the patients,
                                         Of the world

I am a psychologist
          Because I recognize the potential in us all
   To continuously become
                    Harmonize even in the tremor
        Of pain, for even joy is an ailment
                 Constricting reason
      Showing colours
more well maneuvered hidden ness
             Yes, this is our battle
    And like Arjuna, we must do it
    With love, the force of compassion
188 · Nov 2020
Beloved peacock
Niel Nov 2020
Generous to all
                  In every manner
         Primal flutes, ghee abound
    A spectral becoming
         You, I, discarded plastic
An infinitude
           Boundless being
    One of many, image of the sun
181 · Nov 2020
Kind of recollected
Niel Nov 2020
This rusty mesh wires gate
    Spreading into other focuses
Dreaming of subtle symbols
Excreting lovely notions
      Kind of float in my own stumble
  Exciting to see what’s next
I get scared and retreat sometimes
  But we all need sanctuary
                            from self image sometimes
       So what will this  stroll come to?
  And mostly it’s sorted ideas,
Fleeting fantasies,
              A whole lot of trying to think or do
Or something
   Forgetting is part of this process too
But I’ll stop to capture the moment
             The way the sun melted into
    Kind of fruity textures contemplating
        Lonely, but pure
178 · Nov 2020
Just like this,..
Niel Nov 2020
..a cutting edge
I drown in it
Cause to see this gem
          Then feel this slight
   Is hard to right.
177 · Nov 2020
bus home(i)
Niel Nov 2020
There's a thrill and you fall into it
          again as you forget  
                     Rubberneck contagion
           Anxieties in the upper regions
                though, no gut disturbance
                            a strange observation process

                         -without that hinderance
           Hopped up, the witness
                Gaze upon a brewing formation
             Linger tensions
           Fears shoot up from the deep
          Like ghosts and demons
            Around every corner and
          shadowed path
           In yr house, when you were young
       Still perhaps..

     you let it bite and a car pulls up
            Single pointed aggression
      And we proceed
           Such a wonder
                         Not really
               but the feelings
        procession of instincts
          habitual
     And we choose fractions
        Be important because we believe
       what the F* does that even mean?
       Can you go through the process
      To figure the dimensions of a form..

        Listen for a moment;
         He says he's drunk
      but really asking to be loved
    and miraculously it worked
       off he walked to oblivion
     if only we had the guts to follow

   ..I may have gone deeper
   Than I can dig, up a figure anyway
  But it's never a settled point
    So there's always room to play around
170 · Nov 2020
Once and a while
Niel Nov 2020
Upon a smooth, wooden ship
    Crossing many sorteds,
Playing with air flows and spectres of Fates’
             We linger, in a withheld suspense

    In rebellion of our empathy
Idolize tyrants for their fruiting audacities
       Comical dialogues
                       form heart soothing canon

     Squalls and all that other sea-legged rhetoric
             To be that proper link in a sense
Cheers to that me boi..

But will that be the better
           For the seeping synchronicities
     Swinging their hips
170 · Nov 2020
Forklift meditations(i)
Niel Nov 2020
I am a beast
                         A child of darkness
I exist in multiple realities
    
        It cannot be helped
166 · Nov 2020
Too much, lactose
Niel Nov 2020
The punishment of over-indulgence
       Collection of dripping
              hinderance of connectivity
    I thought, maybe it seemed like it
Not enough rest,
        With family meetings
    Intimate in normal day happenings
  Surprising hilarities..
    Endearments, ‘goodbye, twinkle star’
   Warming, sort of remembered
  Being again, like things again happening
Similar,
Niel Nov 2020
Pachydermal memories, sticky adhesions
Loosening the reigns of thoughtful ride
Outsourced skills seeping the membranes
In an amniotic suspension
The quest lays in retaining
Not to drain, yet keep momentum
As a leak at the bottom of the ocean
The strain refills
Full-filling circulation



The gentleman swims in the crowd
           Of his metropolitan pathways
              Imbibing, desirous affections
             Afflicting self response modes
           I shall surely like to be there
         But the train ceases to brake

Or abide. The subway scatters island thoughts
Motioning exward, refusal to mesh

          Though in mirth we blend
  Against the parent in congress with the goal
        Aligned with their strife
     He watch, the office traffic’s
  Yellow bleeding before all signal
Yet pushes forward pileups
His symptoms pertain; uneasy persisting exquisite
157 · Feb 2021
portal prayer untitled 1
Niel Feb 2021
There’s no matter ever
no matter how dire,
that we should take too seriously,
and when realized: the better
to get through all the pain
Niel Feb 2021
the single
   most selfless act
that the baby boomers could
   bless us with
may be to show some gumption
   take some responsibility
then accept that what possibly
    is going on is
an action set forth by nature
    to even things out

it also may be
     that what could save this world from
    **** that we abundantly produce
would be to say to everyone, truly
and with love. ‘f**k yr feelings’
  because to take account
      of every time someone is offended..
          well, let’s just say you can’t
    make it the ideal temperature for all
and if you did, they would be bored
        

so it may seem
or really, to me it seems
when we stop looking within
to observe our afflictions
we tend to blame any uncomfortableness
on what it was that reminded us
of the pains we cling to;
instead of identifying causation


it’s something that seems cruel
    and there’s no pretending I’m not at all
just think though
      do you wish for future generations?
   what are yr hopes to entrust to them?
        if we preserve life,
where will newness become?
       with nothing to breathe
eat or drink. because
septua+genarians have behaved
as toddlers, since they were toddlers
On the basis of compassion and progress combined, ideal citizens will volunteer to be sacrificed, because maybe that notion is something that, though seemingly cruel.. if put into effect, would eliminate a lot of cruelties, of course only if sought after. nature creates effects in order to properly adjust(even if created through the mind of any of Her creations, for we being products of nature, are included as such) that which she sees suitable to transition. Disease and mutation are two  such examples
151 · Nov 2020
I had to stop riding
Niel Nov 2020
Existence does not withhold It’s Will for ‘supposed to‘s.
148 · Nov 2020
note(i)
Niel Nov 2020
I hope one day our echos
can become new enterprises
and maybe I can be less self absorbed
Respond casual
Laze a bit, play with symptoms
Crawl around and sift through yr sand.

Instead of watching the ducks mistake my falling tobacco for a bite to eat
145 · Jan 2021
sweet cained
Niel Jan 2021
You dear naive, creatures

:my peoples gifts lie
in the certainty of prevailing
beyond this silly dress
and across great Lakes

:our mysteries will surf on each of yr tongues
slipping through cavities
to be drool on yr sweaters
but we will feed you what is necessary
for some is not for every
but every is essential,
in a sense as none mean any

:we will be yr enemy of comfort
so you have eternity to blame
instead of implementing self discovery
we sow the earth for discipline and connection
a hunter may sow too, there is no difference

:a cool wave of acceptance
pressing eject on certain tensions
if you let the challenge widen
to see it’s nothing, we are yr friend
There is no ‘ in people’s, for there is no possesion
139 · Nov 2020
Specifics
Niel Nov 2020
The labyrinthine system of enrouted intrinsics
That behaves as a medium
for any and probably all vegetative states
This present, (assumingly)included
Pulsating root systems
nourished by chaotic, brutal wisdom and love
Dancing in murderous creation
Purity exquisite
Laughing in a deliriatory manner
No laws to uphold
Or silly rituals, pesky square pushers

That’s what we are:
Composing manners to stunt
All that which promotes
Radiant leaves..firm trunk
Composting neuroses
to encroach upon the crops
137 · Jan 2021
the counsel
Niel Jan 2021
Apparently,
    angel dreams
are surprisingly secular
136 · Nov 2020
Note(iii?)
Niel Nov 2020
Love is a sickness and I may be clinical
Even without a point of reflection
Extending further, further still
The echo breaks my feelings into shards of glass
Frightening me dearly, the sharpness nauseating
Paling energy and it’d be refreshing to cry
             But weakness shames in this alleyway of
              fiends
And my friends are angels, I cannot grasp
     Glimmering pasts and greeted headings
  These corporate meanderings prescribed
                                         surely is no cure
Because these cruelties extend to all possibilities
   And uglies the flower, the exquisite of being
   Why you leave.. The little self leads
             Endless mirrors pushing you back
135 · Nov 2020
Displacing
Niel Nov 2020
Per-iety given at prices
Left some pleading
Outrages. Sorted out of the fraction
Impacted esteem-edly
Presence of a implemented higher order
Of infernal representatives
Pulling the heart string of this
Is it you? Is it me?
Seeing isn’t really the hope to distinguish
Or figure these dream referrals
Quoting back to notations
Burnt upon a whim of superiority
Longed for to study past civilizations
Of the occurrences established in that dormancy
Of the optimal credential
Rerolling the formula to reduce onward
Continue with the answer
Now newly numerated
Mother of the order coming over
Exploding to the sorting, reworking
126 · Nov 2020
Street heat
Niel Nov 2020
Again
       going up the street
  Figuring for a transitioning
     But retaining status quo
like the secret people meeting clubs
and it makes perfect sense
     Make new spells
For enrichn’ing inflections
Be here now, be here now
         Attention
Be the setting
By setting the theme
Preen yr feathers and make the calls
      Walk down the street
122 · Nov 2020
The heart of people
Niel Nov 2020
The heart of people
   It’s not an ideal
  No single concept can encompass it
  Reflecting patterns
   Yet defying yr notion of a set rhythm
    Lifting spirits, shattering planets
It will destroy yr life
         -How it’s perceived at least
      Our perceive, can’t be made to believe
         In fully
              Or bully serendipity
Flashing clips to form into structure
       Basic survivals
         Adverse to that can be Her Glory
           Nature
     Because the strive can equate to
          Be alive, not think it
122 · Nov 2020
Compassion
Niel Nov 2020
Sometimes the clockwork extracts and is presented in my observation, viewing the limited and time decay-edness of our mortality and I feel the sentimentality as the cogs move each other along. In concentrated songscapes, through the ventilated air tubes of my mechanism. Emotional condensation more of a metaphor, though agonizing and overwhelming, I am endeared to the notion of being a part of this essential Nonsense. Perceiving the ridiculous of the persevering of ‘unnatural’ forms, then recognizing them in my own patterns..
    
        I am the sharp angled sphere
    That which is the object of my revolution
      My enemy is the objection from within
     Spin this wheel of contradiction
  The sphere revealed in acceptance
    The sphere revealed is acceptance
    Release the shield, unveil protection
    Caught aflame, refuse the smolder
   Eternal bolder built illumines
  Sunrise appraised by novel mind
  Repeal time with absorption
Now is the holy potion
116 · Jan 2021
the crocodile’s happy, pa
Niel Jan 2021
animals exhibit certain bursts of energy
based off their gravitational point of entrance
      into this said world
who’s to say that the energy
       traveling through their nervous systems doesn’t effect them
          in the same way we process emotions
are these energies..


  peaks of expressive waves
i must seem belittling, for we’re of the beast
just as any, so in facing that
the other seems assured
but ***** are about in seeming certain
of uncertain shady surfaces
115 · Nov 2020
Don’t listen
Niel Nov 2020
Don’t listen
And not to be contrary
But so that you can really hear
Because when we focus on listening
Drastic distortion
Valour’s whip
The strain confounds aurally
Open up to the forms
Waving in and out
Learn to be and you’ll see , hear , all that
Crisp and tender
In the lower jaw, throatish area
Kind of lysergic, if y’ve been there
But really,
                     really learn to listen
      
          Get blown away
113 · Nov 2020
Nothing
Niel Nov 2020
I always start withe negation
  Perhaps ‘neti neti’ is my preference of becoming
     The lingering traces, oh..do I adore
          Summing up explanations with
                                        halfheart’ expressions
             Gravity’s weird, man.
          So sometimes I’m not feeling the kicks
            That I’m giving to myself
It’s really hard to not give the impression
                                            of having an agenda
       Because I don’t want
                       to be a pretender, I guess
  And I’m fake either way,
                so why argue that I’m real?
112 · Nov 2020
Cycles
Niel Nov 2020
Cycles,
               Things must fall
So that growth continues
       It never seems fair
From one side to the other
                         Someone claims victimism

    But it is just such
Harsh and beautiful whatever the expression
From Some angle
       And all can argue the fact
Because it hurts, distractingly
Skin peeling from the nail area
No way to bite or cut, because at this point
          It’s too close to the flesh

So we scream and stomp
                Press buttons
                       that were never put into order
And blame, blame, blame, blame

Isolating into deeper depths
   Wondering where..
111 · Jan 2021
The ‘no walls’ of Love
Niel Jan 2021
When you can allow

  A murderer.. a ******, in a sober state

        to become bashful,
and lose a sense of their
characterized fiendish ness
not only that, but you encourage it

this is the hug of God
110 · Nov 2020
How to grow
Niel Nov 2020
..as I dream the roots eat me away..
   As the roots eat me away, I dream of me..

Like a hole, the wound is where we grow
As we bore the nurtured seed unfolds
Plastically mending it bends to reach the essence
The intended ascension vitaled in presence
109 · Jan 2021
sometime
Niel Jan 2021
saying, sometimes means to be said
   when others,  well,   you know their jive
      it’s like a nowhere rotate to what you got
          plot sticks, poking pricked to the target
so back to the start, it’s more meant in the motion
in ancient timesward were spells
       only said out loud with full intention
     hidden in the mystery that found fissure
                                             in the common place
Nonsense
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