I sat down on a bench one summer afternoon
and realized; it's terrifying how much time we give away
To those who doesn't even matter to us anyway
Looking back at all those times,
I thought that was love
Yet all I felt was relief when it was over.

Summer, fall, and winter passed,
Those seasons we spent together we thought would last
Truth be told, all those days
I prayed for them to be over

Now once again, summer is here
No more yearning,
No more grieving.
I felt happier alone, more than ever.

It's the emptiness that's eating you inside
Keeping you awake
Staring at the dark

Looking back,
You're stuck here again'
In this blackhole that never ends

Nothing's getting better
Are we stuck here forever?

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
******
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.