I'm starting to get that feeling again. A big knot in my stomach, the feeling of sweat coming from my head, my face and the back of my neck have a numbing sensation, it's hard to swallow. I haven't felt like this in a while and the scariest part is that I miss feeling like this. I feel safer this way. I like feeling like this.

Hey baby this one's for you. Like I said earlier the one and only thing I'm scared of is losing you. That's it. That's my one and only fear. Why you might ask? Well it's quite simple. For one, You're the first person I've ever been emotionally attached to. You're my thought when I wake up and you're my thought when I go to bed. I cuddle my pillows at night and pretend that they are you. You're always on my mind. Two, is because you make me so ******* happy. No one has ever made me this happy before and I cherish every last second we have with each other. No matter what's going on in my life you always know how to bring a stupidly big smile to my face. You're the only person I want to be with for a long time. Even when you spit burritos or cherry slurpee in my face(:
Three, I've never been more comfortable with anyone ever. Not even my life long friends. You've broken me out of my shell more than anyone. And I'm truly grateful and very appreciative for that. You make me less insecure about everything because I know you'd never judge me. You're the one person I can tell everyhthing to. This may seem really corny or really sappy or whatever, but every word in this poem is the God's honest truth. I hope reading this puts a smile on your face. And I don't care how bad your life is or how messed up you are, I will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be there for you. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER give up or quit on you. I WILL try my **** hardest to try and make your life a lot happier and a lot better.

Everyone is ****** up in their own way. Everyone has those feelings that make them feel less than or below others. Everyone is ****** up because no one is perfect. Everyone is ****** up. But you can try and make your life better and happier by doing whatever makes you happy. "Life will never get easier. It will only get better."

You are the first person I text everyday and the last person I text before I go to sleep. You are in my thoughts and dreams everyday. You're out at a friend's party having fun and I'm sitting here bored and time is going so slow when I'm not talking to you. I really do think that, I love you.

These past couple of days I haven't felt like my usual self. I feel really sad and aggressive. When I'm normally happy and nice. I've just been angry and upset. I've been trying to find a source of happiness to help but I feel so alone right now.

I can be an ******* sometimes and I know it. And I really don't know why but it seems like I've been ******* a lot recently. I'm not trying to be one I've just had a lot on my mind recently. So I'm sorry that I've been an ******* a lot recently to everyone I've acted like one too. If you catch me being an ******* tell me I am. I'm going to try really hard to not be an ******* because I hate feeling like this.

Sometimes I just want to smash my head against the wall
And end everything all at once.

I feel so lonely right now. I feel alone in my thoughts and I feel like I have nobody who cares anymore. It feels like I have a huge boulder in my stomach. And if I could just see your name on my phone screen when it lights up it would help it go away. I'm so alone right now. I feel like I have no one to lean on or anyone to talk to right now. Please someone just talk to me so I don't feel so alone.

I have a tendency to overthink and overreact. I'm quick to get angry. That's just who I am. It's something I get from my dad who got it from his. But I'm going to try and remain calm and not over think and overreact. Just being hurt so many times, it's kind of like a self defense mechanism. I haven't been the best person to be with recently and it hurts me and I can tell it hurts them. But I can guarantee you with my heart, if you stick with me, I won't make you regret it. I know what needs to be done and what I need to change. And I'm GOING to do it.

Sometimes all I need is to be held and told that everything's going to be okay

No matter how dark your mind gets, now matter how bad you get, no matter how ****** up you think you are. I will never give up on you. I see this as a challenge, and guess what? Challenge ******* accepted. I will do whatever I can possibly do to make your life better.

I'm tired of getting my hopes up on the same thing over and over again and then being let down every single time. I realize that I just need to accept it for what it is and move my mind away from it. I can't help it so I might as well give up before I get let down again. It ***** but what can I really do or say for it to change.

I've decided to not care about what people say anymore. You can't please everyone. Nothing I can ever say or do can please everyone. So **** it. I'm going to be and be my own person. I want to start embracing who I am. I want to be able to speak my mind without caring about people judging me. I hope you feel the same way too.

I saw you the other day for the first time in a while alive and well,
You were happy and had plans for your future
But when I saw you today,
You weren't so well.
All your happiness and plans have been permanently cancelled.
Now you're gone
Forever.

The only thing I've been to afraid to say recently is: I love you.

I'm not afraid to say it because "I don't want to love you" or anything like that. The only reason I'm afraid to say it is because I know you're not ready to say it back. And it's okay you're not. Now I feel like there's been a 20 thousand pound weight thats been lifted off my chest.

So there it is. I love you. I love you. I love everything about you. I love being with you and I always want to be around you. I love you

They say you should celebrate
Instead of mourn.
But every time
I cannot find the heart to do
Anything but mourn

Those words you said yesterday stung me more than any words you've ever spoken to me. It felt like a dagger going straight through me. I don't know if you were serious or not, but they have been playing in my head over and over like a broken record

I'm sick of wondering.
When
Where
How
Why
And sometimes who.
I feel like it's mostly just when
More than anything.
I'm getting a really bad vibe and I
Don't like it at all.
If it all happens and crumbles it all
I guess there's nothing I could really
Have done.

You battled everyday.
Inside you were at war with your body for 20 years.
You kept fighting and never gave up.
Nothing would tear you down.
Nothing stopped you from doing what you loved. Not even doctor reccomendations.
You were a dear friend.
A role model to others.
Why did you have to go so soon.
I don't think you ever gave up.
I just think you did all you could bur someone decided to stop putting you through that hell for longer.
I miss you.

All I've heard the past week is
Screaming
arguing
And non stop fighting.
I've seen both of you storm out in rage
Only to come back hours later to fight some more.
I hear that word. Gthrown around like its any other word as if it means nothing. When will all this stop?

I don't know who you are anymore. You're constantly gone and never heard from. You promise you'll stay, you promise you'll be there for me, you promise you'll see me soon and that you'll keep in touch. After several failed attempts of trying to talk to you, you finally call after two long months. You need a ride, you're in another state, and you have a pound of heroine on you. I refused and you scream and yell and insult me. If you had any idea how you made me feel, I'd hope you'd be ashamed of yourself. You said things that you meant and I'm insecure about. The thoughts that you made me have when you said them are scary. You aren't who I thought you were, I thought you were nice and understanding but you've turned bitter and nasty. You aren't the person you used to be and I miss that person so ******* much I can't explain it in words. But yet you still put yourself through this hell. And for what? Why?