it was 28 days
we kept track of every single minute
we talked every day
then, you moved on.
meanwhile, i'm still stuck on the fact that you touched my shoulder
and held my hand

I still reminisce about that night, that we stayed up
And laughed, joked, and loved each other one more time

if you could do anything,
if you could have your questions answered,
if you could,
make him or her love you,
why would you do it?

the feeling of your finger tips on me, it is
it is other worldly.

if you could, for a moment,
open your eyes and see what they see.
how they see you

then maybe you would know why i depend on you.

if you could tear between the lining of the water and the air
to set yourself free of the burdens you already have

if you could claw your way out from 6 feet under to breathe peacefully for once in your life,

would you?

to see everything around,
the air
the streets
the signs
all of it.

i feel,
apathetic right now
i feel,
emotionless right now
and it's scary. it's scary to feel, nothing,

i tried to preserve my innocence as much as possible,
but, in what i've seen, throughout childhood, my innocence was like
gutted and killed.
and that also is pretty scary
cuz i feel like
along with innocence, things go hand in hand, like
happiness, and love
and i think moments of love don't last forever but,
nothing lasts forever.
but in the moment, love and sharing it really,
it puts you in a place like,
kinda like another dimension where,
you and this other person can,
let loose and do anything.
i like,
text this girl
and uhm,
it's scary to say the least,
cuz i don't want to admit that i depend on her, but i do
and depending on someone is scary because they might not depend on you so you just,
are stuck, waiting for this person to call back, when they have other people in their life. and i'm really antisocial, so i don't have many people.
and like,

i just feel scared for my future.

it's really messed up cuz you get so lost in someone.
that the only way to get out is to just,
delete them.
because you can't really delete people from real life.
i mean you could,
and it's ******* horrible.

i'm sorry
to the girl i yelled at because i was angry

i sat staring at the call back button
thinking about how much of an ******* i was

and all the words i can't take back

And the class was silent,
As Mr. Rodis' life entered through my mouth
And exited prematurely through the back of my cranium

And there is a hole left there.
Where words enter, but never leave.

And my hands are ripping at the seams

I'm sorry.

the phoenix he helped create,
out of control boy without a dad,
shot the gun that woke me up in the morning,
while i drove into his driveway repeatedly calling.

your white shirt is now red
and the polaroids are drenched in butane

my sweaty hands gripped the steering wheel as if i let go i'd fall
my temples felt non existent
and i tensed up at the dinner table

death sat across from me, and my parents told me to love her
because she was part of the family
and she only visits at times

now you fly in peace,
i hope, my friend,
a man can't avoid what he's meant to do,
when he's meant to do it,
even if he doesn't really want to,