I'm the fusion in my chest

I'm sweating out your silence
On cracked April asphalt

I'm six years younger and screaming

These lungs are pulleys, sound waves
Flooding a vacuous shaft, and I fall
Through a bottomless space

Still...just miles away

And I can't quite place
How it got this way and dear god
My voice is cracking, my lungs...

Failing

I'm a sucker for quirky meditations
But I can't finish this one, not today
I just don't have the strength
I don't know what it takes

But I know something's changed

I know what I have
I know what I feel
I know what I can see and think
And love and break
But I don't know what I had
Or if I have what it takes

I just know what's left

So much space, so much
White, dead, empty space
But surrounding it, embracing it
Is something like wisdom
Something tangible
Almost real

Maybe it isn't
It's all the same space
But at least it feels
Like something

I wander these claret corridors
In search of humanity lost
And I find you waiting
Behind a pane of translucence

I was chosen, you tell me
You've been waiting for me
To save you from this hell
And I believe you

I can see the longing in your eyes

There's sadness there too and
I want only for your happiness and so
I devise a plan to set you free

But it's not enough

You need me to see
To truly see
What this freedom will mean
And so I try
Again and again
To empathize with a desperation that
Only the imprisoned can understand
And I just want to show you
That all you really need
Is time in the world
To breathe

But it's not enough

You need proof, you say
As you roll up a sleeve
And I watch in helpless horror
As you cut and bleed
With a surgical precision
That only comes from repetition

To show me your humanity

And as it drips and falls
And collects on the floor
Through the red
I realize

There's none left in your eyes

What was there before
Is now gone, devoid
Of all emotion
Drained
From your body and
Pooled at your feet
And I try to run out
But it's far too late

You're already gone
The door's locked
The oxygen's run out
And I'm the one
Left for dead

Beauty does not live
Within the discordance of
Augmented or diminished or the
Harmonic perfection of
Major or minor

It flourishes instead in the
Infinite space between
Dissonance and
Resolve

It was Tuesday night, and that meant
Something different for each of them
Despite the scenic overlap he
Hoped she still desired

She did, and so off they went

And sat and drank, idle talk
She drank to feel nothing and
He drank to feel her and some nights
They both got what they wanted

He hoped this would be one of those nights

It was looking that way, and so
Despite his better, sober judgment
Yet another pitcher was ordered and
They continued their dance from
Topic to topic with an ease
Unobtainable only an hour before and
Things were really looking up
For the both of them

But she'd had more practice and
He saw black and she saw red
And just like that their illusion
Crumbled and there was
No longer any reason
To keep it going

So they left

And drove home in silence

The awkward kind where caustic
Thoughts battle in midair like the
Cloaked quadcopter drones of
Klingon children

And once again
Neither got what they wanted
But especially that night, and neither
Had the slightest clue why

But there was always next Tuesday night

Ad hoc clarity
Moments of serenity
So existential

Clouds collide, falling
From scorched skies, calling my name
Scream, shriek, shout - in vain

When you speak
I don't listen
I absorb your words
I allow them to sink into my bones
I beg them to destroy me from within
Atom by atom
A chain reaction
A cellular Doctor Device
That begins in my marrow
And ends with the incineration
Of the outermost layer of every
Obsessively parched pore

When you speak
I'm not enlightened
The entire universe falls into darkness
Except for your words
Every syllable you utter shines
With a brilliance that doesn't spread
But drains
Every star of its glory
A brilliance that calls it all into question
A brilliance that leaves me wondering
Why I'd ever been born

And when you speak
I'm not alive
The universe dies
There is no movement
No gravity
No inertia
No friction
The breeze stops blowing
The trees stop growing
The electricity
That once flowed through my veins
Can no longer elicit a single heartbeat
And I discover
Just how pointless my efforts ever were

And when you finish
When you've said what you wanted to say
And every perfect syllable is in its perfect place
When the stars start shining and
The planets start moving and
The breeze and the trees are blowing and growing once more

When the oxygen claws its way back into my lungs

I exhale with a smile

And anxiously await the next verse

Rejects flood the cabin and spaces between my lungs
These cotton candy cookouts have taken to the skies and
Tattered treads simmer in the summer streets ahead

Arbitrary animals fall in endless waves
One after another
Clouding distinctions between land and water

Rubber loses grip
Foundations slip

I hold on tight
And wait for change

Admittedly
I am a synesthete imposter
But tonight I can taste the city lights and
Their salty crunch is as real to me as the chlorine sting
Of the moment I first realized
I've always known how to swim

Sitting idly at my piano in the
Corner of this dimly lit room

Such a saturated space

Filled with the exhausted breaths
Of a thousand wasted moments

A sliver of the setting sun

Dives headlong through the open
Window and off a bed rarely made

It lands in gentle, brilliant resolve
Wearily along the yellowed wall beside me

Fingers on faux ivory, cold and comforting

Keys that sing the subtle soundtrack of an unrefined feature
The culmination of my disconcerted reminiscence

Tension, release, tension, release

Imaginary hammers go up and down
They push and pull on digital strings

And exhale through the atmosphere
A kaleidoscope of blue and yellow

Flooding my consciousness, blending seamlessly
With the gleeful screaming of children in the distance

Many years ago
When I was bored
I would set afire
A glob of hand soap
On the counter
And above it
I would suspend
A penny
And wait

Nothing at first
Patience was key
But then
A ripple
Then nothing
Then a violent tear
And from it
True color
Would escape
That copper facade
Like a tiny T-1000
And fall

Through the air

Shining
Morphing
Adapting
Impacting
Freezing
Frozen
Still

When it comes along
It falls like rain
And you drink it up
And it saturates
Every cell
Of every pore
Until your soul's had its fill

When it's true
It falls like Georgia rain
And when it falls
It pours
And floods
And if you're not on higher ground
Well, you'd better learn to swim

But most days
It falls like Florida sunshowers
Isolated and sudden and
All at once
Blinding you and
Soaking you and
Deserting you
In broad daylight

Sometimes
She would feel detached but
Not from this reality or family or friends
It was more of an out-of-body experience
Or maybe a kind of possession
Where neither party is wholly host nor parasite

Sometimes it worried her

On this particular night
When she looked in the mirror
What she found gazing back was
Hardly recognizable and
What familiarity did exist
Was only of feature
Not of the expression that
Lately always seemed to catch her
A little off guard

What's your deal anyway?

She half-expected a verbal response but
What she got was a hint of a spark and
An upward turn at the corner of the mouth

Expression faded
Head slightly tilted
She continued to stare and
Slowly lose herself
Within the deepening void of
Dimensional distortion

When suddenly
Gaze became glare
Eyes narrowed and flared
A blur rippled past
A chill curled at the base of her spine and
Sprung up through her body and
Into her lungs

It stopped there
Expanded there and held
Her breath hostage

Eyes locked
Face white
Skin cold

And then she cracked and
They both laughed
And turned away
And vanished

I've never believed
In stars, the fire burns within
Defiance, freedom

Up and out
Through tinted pane
Exhausted and drawn
To the crimson moon
Raw and impassioned
***** and enflamed
Like good conversation
From the night before