I was looking in the mirror,
completely ****
staring at the scars covering my body.
I was holding,
a bottle of ambian
and a bottle of zoloft
and a bottle of xanax
i had a cup of water.
they wouldnt let me hold my meds so I cheeked them for a week
all these milligrams in my hand
these nightmares i couldn't believe.
one pill after the other
sliding down
just as easily as water pours.
I walked out the room
stumbling
because thoughts were crumbling
like a king as his throne falls
I was at a strangers house
they dropped me off and called the police
Im sure they didn't know me.
memories at light speed came rushing through
then I shut my eyes for what I hoped was the last time.

This time last year i was dying
but now i'm surviving.