And the thing is, you don't ever stop missing someone. The grief you felt the second your world shattered never really goes away. Somedays the sadness overtakes you and you struggle to find the light again. But other days it will just be a dull ache in the background. And then, out of no where, the throbbing increases and your throat tightens and you start to choke on the tears you didn't know you were holding back. Just when you thought you were okay, you're heart reminds you that you are not. And you are just not sure if you ever will be again.

Honey I hope you haven't forgotten that you are a diamond handcrafted with the utmost precision and care; there is no flaw in you. Your beauty is so pure and so natural and cannot be easily replicated. That being said, you are not for everyone. Not everyone will be able to admire the way your messy hair cascades down your back in little half curls or the flecks of sunlight hidden within your eyes. Not everyone will be able to appreciate the way your pants hug your hips or the way your toothy grin and infectious laughter brighten up the entire room. Not everyone will be able to cherish you like the diamond you are, but that's okay, because you my dear, were not made for just anyone. You are destined for adoration, and until then, love yourself. Sweetheart, I hope you haven't forgotten how.

Do not confuse attention with affection my dear, that boy would just as soon leave you as he would hold your hand.

When he tells you we ended things because it got "too far" what he really means to say is that I was too much for him. Too much. I gave him too much love, when quite honestly he didn't deserve any at all. I gave in to him too much, when really I should've stood my ground. I let him get away with too much stuff because I was afraid I would lose him otherwise. I gave him too much of my heart when I knew he was going to destroy it anyways. I forgave him too much after every time he messed up. I let him see a little too much of my soul when he couldn't appreciate my value. And I was too much for him because I wanted more than he was ever willing to give me. And the sad thing is all I wanted from him was a little respect and a little compassion, but you know what? I was asking too much from a boy who was never enough to begin with.

You don't need him, you want him. Don't ever let a handsome boy with a cunning smile and eyes you could almost get lost in, ever tell you that you cannot exist without him. Sure losing him will hit you hard in the chest, your ribcage will feel like it splitting down the center and you might struggle to breath on your own for a while. But **** once you remember how, and trust me you will remember how, you are going to breath fire. You are unstoppable. You have a passion somewhere deep inside of you that could make an explosion. You are a force to be reckoned with; never let anyone forget that. You are everything and anything you could ever wish to be right here, right now in this moment. You are going places baby girl, but it's up to you where. So if he's holding you back, dragging you down, or pushing you in the wrong direction, you let him go. Blow away his presence as if he were a dandelion in the wind. And then, after you are free from the drought that has been preventing you from growing, you bloom honey, and you blossom into the woman you want to be.

You must look back upon our time together and smile. I know it's going to hurt, some days it's going to feel like your heart is ripping to shreds and tearing you apart from the inside out. I'm not saying that living without me is going to be easy, for I know it will not be. But whatever you do, do not let this loss deplete the warmth your smile holds or the joy your laughter spreads. Remember that in order to feel so much sadness, you once had to have experienced an equal amount of happiness. So, when the tears well up in your eyes and your throat hurts from the sobs you are choking back, I beg of you, remember me with a smile.

And sometimes when I'm with him I have to do a double take because the words that spill out of his mouth are the same words that fell off the tip of your tongue. Sometimes he reminds me of you and in those moments I feel as though I'm suffocating and I just wish you would release your grip on me. I'm trying to move on but I'm too afraid of making the same mistake twice. So when he opens his mouth and your  words fall off of his tongue, I'm scared of what we could become. I'm scared that he's going to be exactly like you and I refuse to put myself through that again- especially not after I've spent so much time rebuilding every wall I let you knock down. My walls are thicker now and I don't know how to let anyone in. I'm scared of loving someone again and having them turn out to be like you. And the worst part is it's not fair to him that I can't let him in.  It's not his fault I can't have a conversation about dating without feeling like I can't breathe. It's not his fault that having other people acknowledge the fact that we have a thing makes me want to end everything and run in the opposite direction. And it's not his fault that he deserves the world and I just don't think I can give it to him. It's my fault because I look at him and I see a glimpse of how i could get trapped in yet another toxic relationship.