I don't know if it's right or wrong
but my emotions in general are just too strong

I care about things people don't even notice
And I feel like the odd one out

I wish I could be normal and have self control
I find this the hardest thing of all

When trouble arises I'm often the culprit
I wish I was normal I wish I could control this

I have arguments I roar I'm fierce I'm a tiger
But tomorrow there's guilt there's remorse and regret

I overreacted I'm sorry I didn't mean it
But most will walk away because they don't understand

I have issues controlling my emotions I know this
and with all my heart and soul I try and control it

But this disorder often gets the better of me
And leaves me full of guilt and apologies

I wish I could be normal I wish I could control it
But I'm ****** up the best I can do is own it.

I am quick to cry and to anger
and people think I'm strange.
They don't see how hard I try to control it,
I know I'm seen as deranged.

Emotions can be overbearing
and it's difficult to stay quiet
when someone upsets me
It's simply not easy to hide it.

I guessed for a long time that the issue was with me.
But I thought I could watch maybe learn their technique.
For keeping a cool head when things get heated.
Instead of losing it over nothing and feeling totally defeated.

I was wrong it turned out.
I don't have breaks I have border as in
borderline personality disorder.

I got a diagnosis
and was incredibly afraid
that people would treat me like someone
who'd contracted the plague.
While I wasn't right,
I wasn't totally wrong,
mental illness is unfortunately
still mostly ignored.

If I was unwell with a headache,
people would ask
'Are you okay?'
'Here I've got Panadol Actifast.'
But when the ills
In the mind and I say
'I'm feeling down'
9 times out of 10 people get freaked out.

So it's tough when you're shamed
For having a disorder
A lot of normal people suffer
So could your son or daughter.
So next time you hear someone say
'I'm feeling down.'
Do me one favour
and please,
just don't freak out.

It's hard enough already dealing
with this day to day
without having friends
turn their backs and walk away.

I feel most lonely when sitting at my computer.

There is the promise of knowledge, creativity, friends, love, companionship, shared ideals and inspiration.

But the reality of constant connectivity is quite different.

Bullying goes on outside of school.

Oppressive people find each other and a platform to taunt and torment their victims.

Idiots band together and spread stupidity like a modern black plague.

Intelligent ideas are challenged and the people who thought them up as stupid.

Creativity is put down and judged.

People are separated instead of united.

And love? Love seems to be non existent as the ignorant people who turn on their computers to put down good and promote evil don't even realise that there is a real person on the other side of that screen, and even then some do.

My news feed is full of bad news.

Full of sexism, ****, inequality, torment, animal abuse, war, ignorance, stupidity oppression, child abuse and ultimately hate.

I realise the collective imagination is dying when I can't even remember what it is I did before this accursed computer came into my life and took over.

My rewards are nothing but imagined friends and fake conversations over text, we're communicating but not connecting, something in me longs to be back when if I didn't meet my friends regularly we lost touch because that is how real relationships are supposed to work.

With care, effort, meet ups and real conversation.

Emotion instead of emoticons.

Care instead of clicks.

Laughter instead of likes.

When photographs were precious personal memories rather than a trophy of 'look where I am' 'look how pretty I am' 'look at how much fun we're having' and sharing them meant a coffee or a few beers and a trip down memory lane flipping through dusty photo albums and laughing at your awful clothes, make up, hair and the state you were in rather than scrolling back through your online albums alone and commenting on how horrendous your photoshop jobs on some of them are.

When people were living their life for themselves rather than living to try and impress others.

When it was face to face rather than facebook to facebook.

I feel most lonely when sitting at my computer.