i want to be known as the girl who furled her pointed mint green shoes
into the blue lake.
i never wanted to go down in history as the girl who traded her soulmate for a lover.
i wanted him to think of my soft face and commend me for
getting high and making art.
he had a sweet heart,
i had nowhere to go.
he i had smooth legs with miles to go,
he had a smooth voice and handsome lips.
always wanted to be somebody, never wanted this.
we started with clean palms and dirt under nails.
you started with hallway hellos and breathing my air.
but stares turned into wrecking something frail,
and we ended ourselves by trying to care
about a ship that had already sailed.

i identify as the blood stains on your sheets
the holes we ripped in the edge of your bed
i identify with the deadbeats in the streets
and the clouds of smoking dancing over your head.
i fell in the forest with no one around to hear me
so the question begs, did i really fall?
i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place,
i've been everywhere but i'm going nowhere at all.
you reeled me in with your thin feelings and
your brown eyes and your white lies.
you wore against my bones when all along i've known,
you bore your plan inside me this whole time.
you've wasted plenty of mine,
and you made your scars plenty deep,
but have the nerve to ask me why i'm not fine,
you haunt me in my sleep.

you said
with a salty tongue
and gravestone teeth
that i
have lost your loyalty.
you looked at me
with starry eyes
of moonpie size
that i have looked like
i've been doing ******
since we've been together
but i haven't touched
a thing
except your poison apple heart.

you're a cadaver dog
you're a singing dove
with its vocal cords cut
you're a get away car
you're an invisible scar
but you keep cutting deep
like an ocean, like the undertow
and i feel your hips shift
in your stride when you turn your face to the sky
and your lips kiss air
whenever you walk by
and you don't care.

there's a weird glow coming from my tv
sometimes i wish it was just you and me
but it's only me and a shot in the dark,
a body wrapped in a long blue tarp.
the flowers were beautiful and so are you,
your tears trace your face like sweet morning dew.

a warm winter isn't spring and cancer isn't health,
it churns my stomach to think about you inside someone else,
but the day will come when my stomach churns at the thought of you inside me.
and my final resolution is the decision to leave.
i'm tired of hurting and tired of you hurting too,
maybe i'll love somebody better than you.