I turned ten two days ago.
You were born today,
Yet you will never draw your first breath.

Your lips,
Inherited the reddest hue of cardinal feathers.
Your skin,
Pale and soft like fresh Pennsylvania snow.

I never knew what your eyes looked like,
They never opened.
Infinite iris colors
That will never be discovered.

When I held you in my arms,
The guiding hand of God drifted away.
I gave the coldest of shoulders I suppose,
Dust drifting in the air conditioned delivery room.

I looked outside the hospital window.
The dead leaves fluttered in the bitter wind,
Time stood still that day,
For me, just a little kid.

She stares at the stars,
Her eyes nibble the Milky Way
Like that of a candy bar.

I have yet to see eyes that compare
To hers.
Aglow with lunar light.
Her gaze aided with crescent moon contact lenses.

And then I could see what she saw.
Her eyes…
They were infinite,
Just like the space she stared at.

No concerto of cosmic colors
Could tear me from her tranquil gaze.

I get lost in her eyes,
Just as she gets lost in the skies.

Been riding this catastrophic carousel
For too many years.

I remember I was once happy,
Eager.
Mother said she loved me,
I never believed her.

Here,
Crystal **** smells like cotton candy.
Here,
Balloon animals are filled with nitrous.

Everyone seems content here,
The horse on the carousel provides
A surplus of serotonin.

Crazed clowns cashing in
On their crooked version of capitalism.
Their ferris wheel of fear and loathing
Never stops spinning.

I used to berate the carnies,
Now the carnival is a part of me.