Caitlin

Caitlin May 2019

I put all my faith in the good I thought I saw in you
I ignored those who truly loved me
Those who knew you would destroy the best in me
I foolishly gave you my trust
I defended you until I was blue in the face
I killed myself wasting my last breath on you

Caitlin Mar 2019

Nothing left

All your fears come true,
  you were just there in lieu.
A body to warm his bed,
  a soundboard to ease his head.
You always were a placeholder,
  again forced to grow colder.
Soon there will be nothing there,
  no words or love to show you care

I actually can’t do this anymore. Sorry it was you I had to cut out but I can’t do this again.

#worthless #pain #used #abused #manipulated

Caitlin Mar 2019

Sands of Time

Everyday at three fifteen you appear in my thoughts.
Routine urges me to reach out to you.
But by three sixteen I remember why I won’t,
you aren’t worth my time.

Letting go of some of the toxic things in my life.

#time #friendship #give #up #worth #fights

Caitlin Mar 2019

And the award goes to...

One day I’ll stop pausing my life for you.
I’ll let it play out the way it was meant to.
No longer a main character,
you’ll become an extra in my tale.

I’m obsessed with movies

#movingon #selfcare #remake

Caitlin Mar 2019

Sensory wounds

This song mixed with that scent,
the final blow.
What was already cracked,
is now destroyed.

#songs #smells #cracked

Mar 2019

Joliver

Okay

If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?

#love #heartbreak #hate #okay #hurt

Caitlin Mar 2019

Cold as ice

I become frost bitten responding to your words.
My limbs grow numb at the same time as my mind.
My hands grow cold at the same time as my heart.
My fingers turn black at the same time as my soul.