Remember as kids
Hanging out in the yard
We never did
Those things promised from the start
Bitter ends
Keep us blinded in the dark
Silver pens
To trace the outlines of our loss

We've spent this whole life pretending
That we enjoy living,
That our smiles are genuine.
I've spent my years pretending
That I'm proud of the person
I see in my reflection.
So tell me again why We can't follow
Our dreams.

somedays i feel like im floating

higher  and higher

and one day i might just

burst

when i hit atmosphere

and maybe then I’d be at peace

but i get the eerie feeling 

ill never stop 

going
nand going and going and

going

i haven’t slept at all this week

and every rest is restless

i told myself this year would be better
but I can’t change the weather

so i turn to the little things

to keep me alive:

the people who light up my life

walks in the cold and the rain

a new collection of lighters

and the art in fresh stains

and as you get older

you realize that’s life

nothing short of misery
but sprinkled with beautiful things

it’s the little things i tell myself

and that’s just the truth

ill smoke one to see the sun

and wait for my days
to become undone

Sometimes when people say things to me or text me I'll write down what I really want to say and then crumble it up and say something completely different because I know explaining how I truly feel opens a door of issues and that I no longer have the energy to deal with.

Maybe things are different
Maybe views have shifted
Maybe things are fixed