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faking a smile isnt working anymore
neither is wearing long sleeves to cover the scars.
I just want to be happy
and also not have to weigh myself everyday
not have to count the calories or refuse the food I love to eat
I want to be me
but society does not allow that
in a perfect world no one would feel like this
 May 2014 Amanda
LET
7:30 a.m. today
 May 2014 Amanda
LET
i woke up at 7:30 today to the sound of rain coming through the open window in my bedroom
i've discovered that this is what i want every morning to be like
this is my daily wish
and it came true today
and i'm home until Tuesday
and i've thought about someone aching for me and died in the process
 May 2014 Amanda
kenzo
let me clear my head of this confusing teenage haze
i haven't been myself in a couple of days
I haven't cried even though i really really want to
the beers, stogue's and doobies are the only things that get me through
believe me, i don't wanna rely on it
but i can't find another distraction
to ease the pain and the chemical reaction in my brain
and i'm a *******
but its fine because everyone is too
smoking and over thinking is my bad habit
i really need to quit that's the healthy thing to do
but i'm young and drunk and dumb
miss isolate from everyone dressed like a drugged ***
gonna fall and never get back up
alcohol splashing out my cup
throw up, wiped my mouth i'm going south
wobble to the couch, lay down then pass out
lipstick on the pillow sadness and the sunrise saying hello
hair a mess, life's a mess illegal substances role play my therapist
hand on my chest, staring at the light behind my eyelids
happiness hid behind a tree deep in the forest of emptiness
parent-less, penny-less and curious
dizzy, lost and depressed
the sound of fuzz on the t-v, i pull the covers over me
wish someone would sing me a lullaby, but everyone just has to die
and the question why echoes in my head so loud and clear
and nobody else seems to hear the faint voice in the background cry for help
and i think that voice is myself
and all these kids don't wanna live and nobody even knows
walking empty shell's with blue hearts dressed in clothes
everyone's sadness in slow motion for me
and i wish i couldn't see
but even if i were blind i could still feel  
and i wish none of this were real
 May 2014 Amanda
qynce b
Please keep in mind, I've lost my glasses
and can't see very well right now.
So sorry if I miss your clear annoyance
or mistake your rejection for acceptance.

I can't find my glasses
sorry if I don't make much sense.
Everything's quite blurry
and turned well into nonsense.

And I know the rhyming in this poem
isn't very good at all.
But you see, I've lost my glasses
and can't see very well right now.
what
 May 2014 Amanda
qynce b
wasted time
 May 2014 Amanda
qynce b
tic toc.* minutes turn
into hours into days
turn into regrets
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