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Xian Dec 2015
There are many ways I could choose to remember you, all as true as the next.*

You are the way you teasingly call my name when we’re playing hide and seek, *you are not the way you spit the same name when we are having our final fight.


You are the way your fingers intertwine with mine as we walk through the weekend flea markets looking for additions for our collection of useless vintage things, you are not the way you slam your fist into the wall and bruise your knuckles to stop yourself from bruising my face instead.

You are the warm brown eyes that gaze into mine as we sit on the patio sipping our coffees on the cool Sunday morning, you are not the bloodshot eyes blinded with anger that glare at me hard enough to pierce my skin like a blade.

You are the giggle in your voice as we convince the guards we were ‘just lost’ when they catch us in the forbidden areas, you are not the scream engineered to a decibel just right to shatter the glass of my heart.

You are the sigh curled around my name as we collapse onto the bed together, consumed and satisfied and happy, you are not the way you sigh with such exhaustion and finality that my breath catches in my throat as I know the only words that could come next.

You are the way you whisper ‘I love you’ under the pale moonlight when we stroll through the park and you say you can’t imagine ever living without me, you are not the way you whisper ‘We aren’t meant for each other’ when you realise that you can.

You are the way you held my hand for the first time, nervous and excited but just perfect, not the way you push mine away as you walk out my door for the last time.

You are the way you run towards me every time I come back from being away, *you are not the way you walk out my door for the last time, without ever looking back.
Xian Aug 2014
You're just like fire

You're mesmerizing
tantalizing
captivating

You're just like fire

You burn
hurt
destroy

You're just like fire

You light
ignite
guide

You're just like fire
You dance
******
entice

So maybe my world feels like it's on fire
and maybe baby
you're the reason why
Xian Jul 2014
Before,
I never understood why people compared love to a flame.
It always seemed silly to me
How could they like what burns them?

But now my whole world is on fire
and you're the reason why
and baby,
I've never quite felt a burn so perfect

And maybe I like the way things are now
constantly toeing the line between ecstasy and devastation.

**There's nothing that compares to the burn of your lips on mine baby.
love
Xian Jul 2014
I choose you.
You and your stupid mood swings
your ridiculous hair
your awkward smile.

I choose you.
You and your crumpled shirts
your genuine laugh
your twinkling eyes.

I  choose you.
You and your smug face
your long fingers
your bruised knees.

I choose you.
You and your strange mind
your lame jokes
your uncanny ability to **** me off.

I choose you.
I have always chosen you.
I will always choose you.
Nothing will ever change that.
You will always be my choice.
*Even when I am not yours anymore.
Xian Aug 2014
So its been 3 days since you left
And I am still alive
I still breathe
I still sleep
I still eat
I still smile
I still cry
Because life has to go on
doesn't it?

I still remember you
in almost everything I do
I still want to tell you about everything
right after it happens
I still miss you
I still miss you so much

But I will not let this **** me
as easy as it would be to give up
to give in to this great sadness
I will not let it take control
I will not let it consume me
Because I am stronger than that
Who says my world needs to come crashing down just because you left?

There will be days where I want to
Of course I will want to give up and die
But I will get through those days
I will survive
I know I will

The sun still shines
The flowers still bloom
The rain still falls
My heart is still shattered
But I am still picking up the pieces
I will put them back together
I will not let you destroy me
Never
This is an oath to myself
Xian Jul 2014
Go walk in the grass barefoot
Drink green tea
Read lovely poems
Wear bright colours
Laugh at silly things
Play with little animals
Buy flowers
Don't fix your hair
Listen to music with good vibes
Make art
Bake
Love

For today,
just do whatever it takes to make yourself happy
because I love you
regardless of whether you're happy or sad
but my god
when you're happy
**you take my breath away.
Xian Jul 2014
When I am with you, even my bones feel lighter.
When I am without you, even my eyelashes seem heavy.

When I am with you, turning off my smile seems difficult.
When I am without you, feelings seem hard to come by.

When I am with you, I want to live forever.
When I am without you, I don’t want to take a single breath.

— The End —