"One day I woke up and we no longer spoke the same language.
I haven’t heard from you since."*

I tried talking, you settled with silence
Every morning I tried preparing you plates of compliments
A rose beside your bacon and eggs
(You picked it up, laughed and said you didn't want one)
I said I will still try to win you back
(Win you back. Maybe. Or steal you from him)
To remind you that mornings are worth it
(To remind you that mornings with me are better)

I tried talking, you settled with silence
I was never sure how you were able to not hear me
Screaming until my voice broke
I kneeled, watched you cover your ears
I bled, not to death but I wished I was
You watched silently with the trigger still touching your finger
And the envelope of butterflies you put in my tummy
Your last words saying, "Have to give this to someone else now."

I tried talking, you settled with silence
How can nothing beat yourself into dust
How can your closed mouth speak 672 kinds of sadness
All these with your name and mine crossed out
No more plans, no more plans

I tried talking, you settled with silence
Now you're wondering how I learned to do the same

Cold fingers walk
     the ley lines of your veins.
***** dashed across your bedsheets,
     watercolour stains leak in your eyes.
Dead lilies in a cup of coffee,
     your world upside-down in a cracked glasses lens.

they're saying "all you do is drink and cry", "I think you're bad for everyone" and you're not saying anything and I'm saying I love you,
I ******* love you
And maybe I needed something to bring me back to reality maybe these bathtubs are always a little too deep for me but I fit so perfectly in small spaces because I learned when I was 14 that i was never gonna grow into a butterfly
but my aunt still calls me hers and I'd still flutter my eyelashes on yours while the earth turned to ash because I like things ending so softly
and you are a ******* miracle if I've ever seen one I want to sleep with you so badly, on a trampoline in the summer and I want to watch you do bad things and smile so sweetly at you and you'll know that I don't give a **** what you do as long as you're still loving me while you're doing it because baby we've got this one life and I've been loving you as long as I have known what love is and I know it's in the way you whisper and I know it's in the way you say you're my world and if the world stopped turning tomorrow we'd be the only things still moving with excitement you make me so nervous and calm and nervous and calm and deep breath you make me nervous I bet you'll make me nervous when we're older and I'm making you pancakes and I feel your eyes on me and I burn my fingers but you always kiss them better baby
you're an alleyway and the kitten that sleeps there
you're the rain on the windowpane and the water breaking the levee
I'm drowning in everything I have ever said to you so if I say one last thing one last thing,
while you're not saying anything,
I love you,
I ******* love you