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Kelly Bitangcol Nov 2016
Noong Nobyembre 8 2016, magandang araw ang aking naranasan. Lahat ng tao ay naging mabait sa akin, masaya ang mga pangyayari at nakangiti ako buong araw. Nang sumapit ang hapon at ako ay pauwi na galing sa eskwelahan, mayroong ibinalita sa akin ang aking ina. At dahil sa balita na iyon, nasira ang aking mabuting araw, at napalitan ng pagiging miserable. Isang pangyayari na tumatak sa isip ng madaming Pilipino,  isang pangyayari na naghimok sa akin upang magsalita at lumaban. Noong Nobyembre 8 2016, pinayagang ilibing ang dating presidente at diktador na si Ferdinand Marcos sa libingan ng mga bayani.


          Bayani ba si Marcos? Siya ay naging presidente ng Pilipinas sa loob ng dalawampu’t isang taon. Alam nating lahat ang kanyang mga nagawa, dahil sa kanya mayroong NLEX, at iba pang mga imprastraktura at gusali. One is to one ang peso at dolyar noong kanyang panahon. Madami siyang nagawa para sa ating bansa. At sabi nga ng maraming Pilipino, ginawa niyang mayaman ang Pilipinas. Pero ano nga ba ang katotohanan? Noong ako ay bata, nasa isip ko rin na si Marcos ay naging magaling na Presidente at pinaganda niya ang Pilipinas. Pero nang ako ay tumanda, nalaman ko ang mga katotohanan na ayaw tanggapin ng karamihan. Bago pa maging presidente si Marcos, mayroon ng malaking oportunidad na magkaroon ang Pilipinas ng economic bloom, at yuon ay dahil sa administrasyon ng mga dating Presidenteng si Magsaysay at Macapagal. Kung mayroong dapat ikredito kay Marcos yuon ay ang pagpapayag niya ng paghiram ng malaki at ang ginawa niyang malalaking utang sa mga dayuhan na dapat kanyang gamitin para sa industrialization at pagpapaunlad. Ngunit sinayang ng rehimeng Marcos ang lahat ng perang ito sa pamamagitan cronyism at katiwalian. Ang hindi alam ng nakakaramihan ay isa siyang kurakot na lider, at ang kanyang mga utang ay babayaran natin magpahanggang sa taong 2025. Oo, madami siyang naipatayong mga imprastraktura at may mga nagawa siya sa bansa, pero hindi ba galing sa mga Pilipino ang pera na iyon? Nasa kapangyarihan siya sa loob ng dalawampu’t isang taon, malamang sa malamang ay madami siyang magagawa. At hindi ba responsibilidad iyon ng isang presidente? Na paglingkuran ang bansa? Bakit kailangang isumbat iyon? Ang daming bagay na hindi alam ng mga Pilipino at lubos na nakalulungkot ito, ang mas nakakalungkot pa ay ang mga nakalimot sa Martial Law. Pinili ng mga tao na kalimutan ang mga totoong bayani, na nagbuwis ng buhay nila para sa bansa na ito. Nakalimutan nila ang mga libo libong tao na namatay at nasaktan. Nakalimutan nila ang dami ng dugo, at sakit na dinanas ng Pilipino noong panahon ng Martial Law. Ang demokrasyang binura ng administrasyong Marcos ay pilit na kinalimutan ng mga mamamayan ngayon dahil sa kadahilanan na ginawa naman nitong maganda ang bansa. Ang kalayaan na ipinaglaban ng mga Pilipino noon, ang kalayaan na dahilan upang makapagsulat ako ngayon, ay hinding hindi ko makakalimutan. Mga perang ninakaw,  mga Pilipinong lumaban pero namatay at nasaktan, mga karapatan na nayurakan, gaanon nalang ba kadaling kalimutan? P167.636 bilyon na ninakaw, 3,264 na namatay, 34,000 na tinorture at 70,000 na nakulong. Hindi bayani si Marcos, at kahit kailan hindi siya magiging bayani.


       Ang pangyayaring ito ay isang malaking bahagi sa ating kasaysayan at bansa. Sinasabi nila na tayo ay mag move on at magpatawad, pero paano natin ito mabibigay kung wala namang nanghihingi nito? At wala sa kanila ang desisyon kung kailan tayo magbibigay ng tawad. Habang ang mga Pilipino ay pinatay ay ninakawan, ang pamilya niya ang nagsasaya dahil sa kanilang yaman at dahil sa pagiging bayani ni Marcos. Sa pangyayari na ito, parang nabura ang ating kasaysayan. Para nating kinalimutan lahat ng nangyari. “Buti pa si Marcos may bangkay.”, sabi ng isang pamilya na hindi pa nahahanap ang bangkay ng isang Martial Law victim. Paano tayo magmomove on sa isang pangyayari na hindi pa naman nagkakaroon ng maayos na wakas? Ito ay parang paglagay ng asin sa sugat na hindi pa naghihilom. Ang nangyayari sa ating bansa sa kasalukuyan, sa katunayan, ay sobrang nakakatakot. Nakikita ko na simula ito ng panibagong panahon na walang demokrasya at pagapak sa mga karapatan. Baka masyado tayong takot sa kasaysayan, pero hindi tayo takot na maulit ito. Pero hindi ako titigil, hindi dapat tayo tumigil, upang ipaglaban ang tama. Tayo ay magsalita, at lumaban para sa ating bansa. Huwag tayong susuko para makamit ang tunay na hustisya.  Hahayaan ba natin na maulit ang madilim na nakaraan? Hindi na muli.

*(k.b)
Kelly Bitangcol Nov 2016
I was taking a bath at 3 in the afternoon. Just finished brushed my teeth, now staring at the water below me, about to rinse off my shampoo while thinking of you. And then a certain thought came to my mind, this moment already happened. I don’t know how many times, probably twice or thrice but I remember looking at the pouring water and thinking of your love that has kept cleansing me. Not only the setting is same or the thought is similar but also the feeling that I have was the feeling I exactly felt when this thing happened. I remember dreaming that I was already running late for school and so I got ready so quickly as if I only have 5 minutes of my life left and when I already reached our classroom, all my classmates were staring at me like I murdered someone and the feeling was horrible. As I was dying from embarrassment, I suddenly woke up. Everything changed but it felt like nothing happened, then all of a sudden I was in a zoo, all dressed up with a camera, and a snake was about to **** me, and as I was dying from fear I woke up sweating. I checked my phone and it said it was midnight. I couldn’t remember what I was thinking back then but in that moment, the only words that came out of my mouth were “It was a dream within a dream.” When I was answering my math exam, I couldn’t think of anything to answer, I couldn’t even think of what to do in trigonometry, so I did the famous eenie meenie because I have already accepted that I was beyond bad when it comes to numbers, but I remember wishing that the Kelly Bitangcol in the parallel universe is a mathematician.


Déjà vu, dreams, parallel universe, what really are those? How does the uncanny sensation that you’ve experienced something before, that an event is repeating itself possible? Why do we dream and what even are dreams? Are we alone in this world? Is there another world? Or are there other worlds? Thousands of questions and all you get for an answer are 3 words, the great unknown. And that is what keeps everyone wondering right? Things we don’t know.  We keep on searching for answers even if takes decades to get them and until now the mysteries aren’t solved. So what we do is create our own ideas, our own theories. I think that our dreams are events that are happening to our other selves in another universe, and maybe your other selves are also dreaming of what is happening to you here. I think déjà vu is an event that already happened to us in another world so when we experience that moment for the first time, we feel that it already happened before. I always think of other versions of me, maybe one Kelly likes sports, maybe one Kelly is quiet and mysterious, maybe one Kelly loves math or maybe one Kelly is the very opposite of me.


But in the alternate dimensions, I wonder, would we meet? Would you ever come across to the sporty version of me? Would you never give up to unravel my mysteries? Would you like the mathematician Kelly? Would you fall in love with my opposite? I also made theories about your other selves, perhaps you’re a rockstar in one, perhaps the other version of you likes to paint, or perhaps one version of you abhors me. We could be staring at the stars in another universe, unable to tell our feelings for each other. We could be teammates in a math club. I could be sitting on a park bench while reading a book, and you are jogging, and as you decided to take a rest and sit on a bench I already left for class. We could be two people that would come across on the street, unable to look at each other, because we’re holding someone else’s hand. We could be anything in other worlds, we could be enemies, we could be just friends, or we could be strangers. And so I realised, that this version of me is beyond glad to meet that version of you in this one world out of no one knows how many. I do not like sports, I am not quiet and mysterious, I am horrible when it comes to math. You are not a rockstar, you cannot paint, but the thing is, I met you and you met me. We met one another and have known each other, we saw our imperfections and flaws and the things we couldn’t do that we wished we could. Maybe in another universe we could do all those things but we don’t have one thing there that we have here, each other. But hear me when I say this, if ever all of these are true, if I have lots of versions and you have many, whether there are things you can do or can’t, whether you’re worse or you’re better, one thing is certain. I will no longer spend decades to find an answer, I wouldn’t need to wonder anymore because it is not unknown. Baby, if there are millions of different you and millions of worlds, I know a thing for sure.  I would still choose this, I would still choose you.

*k.b
Kelly Bitangcol Oct 2016
Every person in this world has a name. Of course, the first thing in life that makes us all different is our name. Or names, perhaps. I know someone who has four names, Marie France Antoinette Anne. I’m friends with someone who has 3 names, Eivram Jan Heaven. Even though 3-4 names are probably hard to have, it’s kind of amazing because it adds a lot to your singularity. And the best example of them all are two names, my best friend’s name is Khelsy Gayle, my eldest sister’s: Christina Andrea, my other sister’s name is Francesca Julia and my name is Kelly Denise. And we all here, don’t even bother to deny it, has a nickname. My best friend’s name is Chellsie and everybody calls her Che. Both of my classmates are both Joshua, and they only have one name, so my teacher, in order for us to not be confused, decided to call the one who has a surname that starts with C, JC and the surname that starts with D, JD and until now we still call them by those names. And in some cases, we pick nicknames by different choices. My eldest sister’s nickname is Zoe and my other sister’s nickname is Franny because my mom loved JD Salinger so much that she named my sisters from her favourite fictional siblings. Maybe my mother wasn’t expecting me, so she didn’t name me from an iconic literary character, or a famous philosopher. Instead, she called me with a nickname that I will be known till the day that I die, it’s called ‘Keidy’. And, to be honest, I hate that nickname. But hey, I have no choice. Or we can all be known for the things that we did. Daenerys Targaryen has a lot of names, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Protector of the realm and so on and so forth. Or you can be Arya Stark, who is  No One. An example of a name that people force to be known as but they will never achieve because she will always be Arya Stark of Winterfell.

You see, names are wonderful. It's a proof that everyone in this world, is different. And what a magical thing it is, living in the same world with different people who have different views. And to mention, same views. We all here share same views, and maybe, some of us here even share the same name.

But in every woman’s life, we share the same names. People call us with names that we don’t even have. Each of us have been called or will be called these names.


You will call us, doll. You told us we have so much cuteness in us and we are as beautiful as dolls, and we don’t have any problem with that. Little did we know that some of you don’t really admire our beauty but instead think of us as toys. Toys that you can control, toys that you think would do everything that you want. You will teach us what that we should do, you will teach us what to say and how we should act, you will teach us everything like you own us. And after we do everything that you told us to you will call us good girls.  Good girl,  continue following me.  Good girl,  get ready for more, like we are toys. But of course, you will not call us toys because girls and toys are the same for you, right?

We were taught to be clean, we were raised to be pure. That chastity is the most important thing that every woman should have. And for sure, you all want our purity, but when we disagree like we were taught to you will call us prudes. ***** for choosing who I open up to. ***** for not letting you inside my temple when I am the landlord making choices.  ***** for saying no, because your ego is far more important than my consent. And when we say yes, you will call us *****. Choosing what to do to your own body is a not a thing you should do. Expressing your sexuality is a sin to this world when you’re the one who does it. A woman’s pleasure, is not a real thing. Because we’re not allowed to have one, because we are known for giving one. We are known as ******, as women who are not clean and pure. Who spend their lives offering their bodies like they're the only thing that we can offer. You will shame us for being filthy and disgusting when you’re the reason why we are here in the first place. We are here to pleasure you, to give you what you want. But when we are the ones who would like to experience it, the world suddenly goes mad. We should not experience any pleasure but they can all the time. And when we finally speak for what’s right, our names will suddenly become *******. A ***** for speaking up, a ***** for doing the thing that I should have done ages ago, a ***** for fighting back. A ***** for being strong to be able to remove the tight grip of your hands to my mouth that has been keeping it shut, a ***** for removing the word ’silence’ in my vocabulary, a ***** for being brave to destroy the power that have kept me powerless for a long time.

Woman, I agree that we should be called names. We should be known as fire, a fire so powerful that can lit up the entire world, and burn you for playing with us the entire time. We are warriors fighting for the right thing, warriors that are strong enough to combat all the wrong doings. We are magic,we can do things that everyone never expected we could. Our mind, is the most beautiful place anyone will ever come across.
We are women, and that one word, is more than enough to make people know our value. Woman, the next time they will call you names you do not approve of, tell them. Woman, the next time they lecture you with the things you should do knowing you have your own decisions in life, **** them with your independence. Woman, make them tremble when they realise you are one. Woman, prove them all wrong. Woman, the next time they belittle you; do not let them.
prose free verse feminism women misogyny sexism
Kelly Bitangcol Sep 2016
I have always been fascinated by mythology. I remember seeing my older sisters with a greek mythology book, and wishing I could be in high school so I can know it already. I was interested in the mythical creatures, in the gods and goddesses, in the battles, and just like everyone, I was interested in the love stories. I wanted to learn it with passion for I heard it was the inspiration of almost all the modern literature that I love. I could still remember feeling excited to be in class and discuss it. And now that I have reached high school, and I also reached my dream of studying greek mythology and not only that, because I reached it with you. We learned about the titans, the gods and goddesses, the olympians, the monsters, the stories. We were both engrossed and captivated by it, that mythology was the only thing we ever talked about. We even related it to real life, we related people to the characters. Whenever we see a person we know, we would think of the character that best resembles them, and we will start calling them their characters that we decided them to be. We called our friend Athena, we called your cousin Apollo, we even called someone the Minotaur. And that’s what our teacher told us, that not because it’s fantasy that immediately means it cannot happen in real life. The stories there, are reality, the only difference is, they added magic into them. We loved greek mythology so much that we related it to everything. However I realised something, we related it to everything except to ourselves. So I asked you, “Who are we?”. You told me, “Baby, we’re no one there, for we will make our own mythology. We will make the greatest one, so beautiful that it would surpass the best literature of all time.” Your favourite one was Plato’s quote, you would never shut up telling me the story that “humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” And you would always tell me, that you wished to tell Zeus you found yours already. I expected myself to love the romance most, for myself to have the love stories as my favourite. But instead, I loved the opposite,  I loved the tragedies.


I don’t know why, but I found myself loving the tragic stories. I found myself loving the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. The ultimate tragic love story, in which Orpheus would have brought Eurydice back to life if only he had done what Hades said. Orpheus went to the underworld to ask Hades to bring back Eurydice, but Hades had one condition, he should not look back while his wife was still in the dark, for that would undo everything he hoped for. He should wait for Eurydice to get into the light before he looked at her. But then, Orpheus couldn’t control himself, he looked at Eurydice and hugged her, then suddenly Eurydice was drawn back to the underworld.


And who would ever forget Pyramus and Thisbe? The star crossed lovers who had families who hated each other and whispered sweet nothings through a crack in the wall that separates their houses. And they decided to run away, but when Thisbe showed up under the mulberry tree, a ****** jawed lioness was there. So Thisbe ran, and just when Pyramus arrived, he saw the lioness ripping apart Thisbe’s shawl. Thinking that Thisbe died, Pyramus stabbed himself. And when Thisbe returned and figured out what happened, she stabbed herself too. To this day, the formerly white berries of the mulberry tree are stained red with the blood of these tragic lovers.


Here comes my favourite story of all, the myth of Icarus. Icarus and his father attempted to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax. Daedalus cautioned him that flying too near the sun would cause the wax to melt. And because of hubris, Icarus ignored his father’s instructions and flew too close to the sun. Then the wax in his wings melted and he fell into the sea.


When I was reading the stories, epiphany suddenly hit me. Perhaps the reason why I loved tragedies so much because we’re turning into one. I finally got the answer to my question when I asked you who we are. Maybe we are Orpheus and Eurydice, we loved each other too much that we would do everything just to be together. But we ignored all the warnings, we thought love was the only thing that really mattered. We never got to control our feelings and we forgot everything, because of that, we were separated from each other. Or we could also be Pyramus and Thisbe, we are the perfect definition of lovers who almost made it, who almost achieved happiness, who almost became the greatest lovers of all time but then we never became one, we became tragic ones. And darling, perhaps Icarus resembles us the most. We are both Icarus, our wings, are ourselves,  and love, is the sun. Everybody told us not to get too near the sun, for the wax in our wings will melt, we will lose our wings because we are too close to the thing that could save and destroy us both. And just like Icarus, we disobeyed the rules.  We flew too close to the sun, look at us now.

As we were walking out of each other’s lives, I realised something. We were not meant to create the greatest story of all time that it would top the best literature. We were never making our own mythology, because we were just bound to become another tragedy. Another tragedy that people will love, and I still don’t know why, but people tend to see something beautiful in it. And maybe, just maybe, people will also see something beautiful in our tragic story. But just like Orpheus and Eurydice, Pyramus and Thisbe, Icarus; one thing is for sure, my love. We will achieve a thing we both wanted,  **we will never be forgotten.
Kelly Bitangcol Aug 2016
You had a lot of fears. From the day that I first met you, you told me you were afraid of many things. I thought you were overreacting since that was one of the things you usually do, but I had a glimpse of realization when we were in a room one night and I turned off the lights, you touched my arm and asked me to turn it on again. When one afternoon we were about to watch a movie and the only choices were a horror film and a sappy love story that was just 11% on rotten tomatoes, but you still begged for me to choose the bad one. When your cousin was rushed into the hospital then you saw a patient that had an accident being submitted into the emergency room, you suddenly walked away. And when we went to the cemetery and suddenly you told me you were sort of feeling uneasy. You said sorry to me because I will be loving a person who is a coward, and then you started explaining me your four phobias.

Nyctophobia.  A phobia characterized by a severe fear of the dark. You couldn’t sleep with the lights off that’s why you always had a lampshade by your side. I always preferred darkness, and you preferred the opposite. When we were sleeping and I was facing your back, I asked you why and when did it start, you just said with a cold voice, “Everybody hates darkness. People's darkness, all kinds of darkness, especially mine.” I told you, “Not me.”, only to found out you were already asleep. And yet I still did it, I looked into your darkness and explored it. I didn’t see pure darkness, what I saw were tears formed by solitude, your past that you were trying so hard to forget, your broken pieces that you abandoned for they could never be fixed, and stars. My love, I saw stars. You thought darkness consumed you so much that you didn’t have light in you anymore, but you still have. Your soul was the perfect combination of lightness and darkness, and I loved them both. Even in your darkest times. I loved it even more when I came home late at night and was surprised it was all dark, you didn’t have a lampshade beside you anymore.

Phasmophobia.  Fear of ghosts. The word originates from Greek word 'phasmos' which means 'supernatural being/phantom’.  That’s why we all had movies and books with all genres except horror, except the ones with ghosts. You had a nightmare back then, filled with ghosts, I held you and assured you they aren’t real. While crying, you said, “They are. And the worst are the ones you never expected.” I didn’t get you that time, but I did the moment I saw one too when we went back to your old neighbourhood. They were the ghosts of your past. The ones who left you and still visit you in your sleep. And the different thing here, is that you never treated them as ghosts, instead you treated them as angels. That’s why whenever they scare you at night you mistake ‘guiding’ from ‘haunting.’ But you see, I promise you, that I will never be a ghost of your past, because I am your present and your future. I will also not be your angel because I will never be one, but I will be your someone. Someone who will help you overcome your fear of them, someone who will hold you tight every time they come to you, someone who will make you forget that you even had ghosts in your life. I may be just a someone, but I will be that someone who is always there.

Hemophobia.  The extreme and irrational fear of blood.  You wounded yourself one day and when I was healing you, you kept your eyes closed, because you don’t want to see your blood. You hated white sheets with passion and refused to have them anymore, for blood becomes more visible when it drops on them. And when I was throwing away the sheets I started to realize, I am the girl who bleeds poetry but falls in love with someone who is afraid of blood. You hated red for it signifies pain, you hated blood for it is a reminder that somebody or something hurt you so bad. So I wounded myself, I bled with words that could save you, I didn’t care how many scars I will be getting as long as you know that this blood that is pouring is not caused by pain, but by love. And when my wounds became severe already, you were the one who healed me, the healing didn’t really help that much since you weren’t looking. However one morning, I woke up with my scars getting better and a new bed sheet, it was white.

And your last fear, necrophobia.  The fear of death.  That was the first fear that you have ever told me and I asked you, “Why? Everyone will go there at some of point of their lives. Even us. The thing is you should not think about it.” But you said it was hard, you said it was hard to not think that one day everything will be over soon, that you will be buried to the ground and after some time, people will forget about you and will only remember you when they see your tombstone. I never understood you. I never got to. And that was also the only fear that I didn’t help you overcome. You never did, instead, you accepted it. I knew it by the moment you asked me,

“What are we?”, while playing with my hair.

I sat straight and looked you in the eye,  “We’re in love. And that’s like dying, isn’t it?”

Your beautiful smile vanished from your face and I looked down, knowing that is your greatest fear. I was surprised when you said these words with the voice that I have never heard before,  “As long as I’m dying with you, everything is fine.”

You looked at me like I was the only one you have ever seen. The thing is, I don’t know a lot of things and I have no idea what to do.  But for now, baby,  let us just let love **** us both.

*(k.b)
Kelly Bitangcol Jul 2016
Almost 3 years. That’s all it took, 3 years for me to fall in love with you. We never became anything, it was because I never wanted us to be. I wasted every single thing you gave me. I threw away the flowers you gave me for my birthday because of the reason I thought they were too cliche, I crumpled the love letters you wrote for me for I didn’t want your words to be my medicine, I never accepted the love you were giving me because I refuse to let anyone in. And after 3 years, I realised that I also needed flowers not just thorns, that I was suffering from taking poison for years because I never took your medicine and that sometimes it would be great to let someone in. You gave everything to me, your eyes somehow managed to have some light in them whenever they saw me but I killed the light and turned it into darkness, you do not own your smile anymore since you gave it to me but I returned it to you that’s why right now all you could ever do is frown because I erased it from you, and you gave me your entire universe but unfortunately I wasn’t interested in cosmology back then. But now? There is nothing I want to study but your universe and all that’s revolving around it. I did all of those things,  maybe that’s why you became the first word of this paragraph. You became my almost, and not just an ordinary one, but an almost that I could never ever forget.

We were the children of love, however timing wants us to be orphans.  Just when I started realising my love for you, you found yourself. You built your own universe and your smile became even more happier than before, your eyes speak a thousand words now, they are no longer the ones I wasted. I would do anything if I could ever just turn back time, I would hold you and tell you that I feel the same, I would give you all the things you gave me, I would do anything for you. Too many could have been, should have been, and what ifs. But nothing could ever change what is happening, perhaps it’s right for me to feel this, to feel this pain, the pain that I gave you. Love wanted us to feel the same. Timing does too, but the difference is timing wants us to feel the same pain. I don’t want to beg you to love me, or to stay, or to do everything just to bring back the flames because baby all I am about to do is to hope.  I will not hope for you,  but I will hope for days.

I hope for the day everything would finally be okay. I hope for the day that we are both happy, and that we are ready to make each other happier. I hope for the day that we can both see the moon in our eyes and the sun in our smiles. I hope for the day that we are both prepared to let each other in, and that we are no longer cowards but brave people. I hope for the day that we are finally exploring each other's universe and we will both realise that is the only thing we would ever want to study. I hope for the day our fire will warm us both instead of burning us to death. I hope your water will cleanse me and mine will make you feel alive instead of drowning each other because of our deep oceans. I hope for the day that we can finally heal one another instead of destroying each other. I hope for the day that we consider each other to be our home, not just some place you can go to because you don’t have anywhere else to stay. I hope that we will no longer fight the hurricanes and storms we gave to each other, because one day, we would conquer them, hand in hand, together.  I hope for the day that you are no longer my almost, but my always.  And maybe, one day, timing will be our friend not our foe, or maybe we would even be strong enough to fight it, but right now we aren’t even strong enough to fight for our love. I will hope for these days to come, I will hope for these things to happen, I will hope for everything. Because that’s the only thing I could do right now.
Kelly Bitangcol Jul 2016
It was 3 in the morning when I woke up with your voice, your hands were in my arms, telling me to wake up. I was beyond ****** because I was having a really good sleep, I asked you what was the matter, and I told you if it wasn’t that important I would **** you, I said those words with a sleepy voice.

You told me, “I just found myself craving for something.”

I asked you, “Craving for what?”

“For adventure. An unforgettable one.”

3 am is the time when I get to be myself the most, that’s what you said. That’s why it had to be that time. You wanted to have an adventure, one where you cannot absolutely forget. One that will move you and you will never be the same after that. Suddenly, my state of being sleepy became my state of being awake, I became awake as hell when you told me that.

“I know a place,” I saw the twinkle in your eye and the smile on your face, I never saw you that excited before.

“After you enter it, your entire life will change. It will consist of colourful skies, stars that shine so bright and a sun that lights the entire place. You will see thoughts that could change the world, and ideas that could possibly save it. You will meet different people, people that will change your perspective about different things, especially love and life. As you walk and walk, maybe even run, you will see an ocean. You will feel the waves as if they were chasing you, you will feel the sand on your feet and water touch your skin, perhaps it was begging for you to let it in. You will look at me, waiting for an answer, I won’t give you one, instead I will give you a question, “Will you?”. You will no doubt see it as the most beautiful and divine place you have ever been, I will feel happiness and tell you that the adventure is already over. But you will be begging for me to extend it and take you to much further places of this realm, and no doubt also you will eat your words when you see the deeper parts. You will see places covered with dust and smoke, the remains of something broken and destroyed. You will see a house that used to be a home, and now it is burnt because of too much fire. You will asked me what happened, I will tell you once in a while, a hurricane arrives. A hurricane arrives and it will make the colourful sky become the darkest, the shade of blue will become the shade of gray, the stars that shine so bright will die and the sun that lights the entire place will set, tragically. The thoughts and ideas will turn into destructive ones, something that is the opposite of save, they will destroy the world. The different people you met, they changed you, and sometimes change comes with destroy. The ocean you saw, the one you thought you made your greatest choice of letting it in, became your worst mistake ever. You let it in too much that it consumed you already, and drowned you. All the things that made you feel alive became the things that were killing you inside, and suddenly the place that was once peaceful became a place filled with chaos. The paradise will turn into a debris because of one hurricane. However, that’s not the worst part yet. Sometimes it happens both, the storm and the summer, it will **** you and resurrect you, it will heal you and destroy you at once. You are drowning and at the same time you are floating, and you don’t know which one is really happening. You will see the biggest creation and destruction of all time. That’s why its called the realm of paradise and debris, the chaos and the calm.  And the most intriguing part is, you don’t know which one will win.

Your eyes formed galaxies again, as if they saw the greatest thing ever. I saw the smile in your face as if the world revolves around us two, and as if we are going to unravel the secrets of the universe. You were filled with enthusiasm and curiosity when you asked me, “But what do you call it?”

I smiled as if I owned the world, “Oh, darling. I call it my mind,” I noticed your smile changed and your eyes filled with darkness, they became worse when I asked for the last time, *“Are you ready to enter it?”
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